Castle's partner

Choice

"But I don't want you to get hurt."

"Samantha, I don't give a crap. He's going to kill you, especially if he's connected to your dad's murder! Look at me. I love you, and you need to get that through your thick skull. You love us, wouldn't you do the same?"

I think it over.

"I do not have a thick skull."

"Sometimes I have to wonder."

I punch him in the arm.

"Ouch."

"You deserved that."

"Hey you deserve one too Miss I Have A Stalker and I'm Not Going To Tell Anyone."

"I had a good reason!"

"Mmm not really."

I glare at him.

"Ok but really be serious. You can't do this. What if he had gone after Beckett or Alexis or one of them? Wouldn't you feel-"

"Terrible I know. I would never forgive myself."

"So please next time Mija will you tell me?"

I suppress a grin.

"What?"

"You called me Mija."

He nods.

I approach him slowly. I hug him, and his arms fall gently on top of mine.

"I love you ok? I don't want you to feel like you have to hide things from me. Things like this, I have experience with."

I let go.

'"Uncle Espo? How did you get over your PTSD?"

He sits on the arm of the couch. His eyes have a flash of pain like memories come flooding back to him.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

I turn to walk away, but he grabs my sleeve.

"Sit."

He points to the chair across from him, and I do.

He starts out slowly, like he's trying to compose himself so he can talk about the things that happened while he was in hell.

"The things you see in war are scary. You see your best friends die right in front of you and you can't stop and get them. Every time you hear anything you are on the ground because if you're not, you're dead. You always worry that what you say to someone is the last thing you will ever say to them. There's so much death and destruction. And when you come home it's not much better. You develop PTSD. Well, I did. It took a while to get over it. I had to go to a therapist because I would have nightmares every night. In training, we were taught how to withhold information if we are being interrogated or tortured. I always had dreams about that. I took a bullet for my friend, and for months I couldn't do anything without being scared out of my mind that I was going to get shot again. But I somehow got a hold of the gun and it made me realize the only thing I was afraid of was dying. And if I die, I die. I didn't talk to anyone about what I'd seen, which didn't help. But the thing that helped me the most? You. You, in that restaurant you made me realize that there was still good in life. You helped me."

By now I'm a puddle of tears.

"Uncle Espo, I don't know how you did that. You are amazing."

I take his hand.

"So are you. But why do you ask?"

The ground suddenly becomes very interesting to me.

"Samantha? Do you have it?"

I shrug without looking at him.

"Chica why didn't you tell me? I can help you! How bad is it?"

"You know those nightmares? Have em every night. The same torture and death ones. They teach you about ice water torture in training?"

He nods slowly.

"It's worse than it sounds."

His eyes melt.

He stands up and leans down to my level. He pushes the hair behind my hair revealing my scar. He hugs me and I am engulfed in his chest but I don't mind because I feel safe.

I know I'm safe.

"Tío?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you still have nightmares?"

I let go of him. He sighs.

"Sometimes."

"What are they about?"

"Mmmm a lot of things. I have ones with Ryan and Beckett and Castle and Lanie. I have had a lot with you lately. I keep seeing you get shot and then you would tell me it was my fault and you hated me."

"I would never say that. You know that right?"

"Yeah. Do you have ones like that?"

"All the time. Sometimes you tell me to kill myself."

"Chica, don't ever do that. It's bad enough you tried. Let me see your wrist."

"No!"

I try to pull away but he's too fast. He pulls up my sleeve and sees the cuts. Though they are a week old they are still very visible and distinctly fresh. Plus maybe one from a couple days ago.

"Samantha-"

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Look at me. This doesn't just hurt you. It hurts us too. We aren't like Brandon and Elizabeth. We love you and think you are th most beautiful, smart, kind girl in the world. Those nightmares are only nightmares.
But it sucks when they come true. One of mine is this. I always see you kill yourself by jumping off the precinct or cutting your wrist. Please stop."

"I'm trying. I gave Ryan my box of blades. It's a lot harder to get sharp stuff now."

"What else do you use?"

"Shards of glass or pens. I've used calligraphy pens before."

"Ok you're killing me. Sobrinita, I love you."

"I'm sorry Tío. I love you too."

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Hey guys if you don't know what Mija means I challenge you to look it up!