Castle's partner

Trying

Ross pov

I am suddenly aware of what's going on around me. My eyes are closed but I can hear everything. I want to open them, but I can't.

I can hear Beckett and Castle talking about me. They are scared.

I try to tell them it's ok, but my mouth doesn't open and allow me to form words.

Beckett takes my hand, and I want to hold it so badly and talk to them.

But I can't. My eyelids are like weights, and they don't want to move.

I strain, trying to move anything I can.

Nothing does.

I am trapped in my own prison, a cell with walls made of flesh and bones, and a foundation of thoughts and memories. It seems the only key belongs to my fingers, and all I have to do is unlock the door. But that's impossible when you are tied down and your arm is too short to meet the lock.

I feel so worthless. I can't do anything.

"I'm trying Montgomery," I think to myself.

I hear the sound of my heartbeat and I hate it.

The sound of voices grows steadily louder, and what I want more than anything is to wake up.

I summon all of my strength, and force my eyes open.

I immediately regret it.

The pain is so overwhelming, I want to cry and scream. I would if Beckett and Castle weren't here.

I don't move any other parts of my body. I can only open my eyes, but that's enough for now.

If I move anything else, I might pass out from the pain.

I stare wearily at the two, waiting for them to notice me.

My eyes form slits, just open enough to see out of.

I am exhausted. I want to sleep.

But I want to see everyone. I want to see Espo.

Finally, Beckett turns her head towards me.

"Oh my God Samantha you're awake!"

She throws her arms around me, and I let out a whimper.

"Sorry, sorry!" She quickly lets go.

But the damage has been done.

Pain spreads through my body like wildfire, and feeling like it too. Everything is set ablaze.

My attempt at holding back tears is now failing. They slowly roll down my cheeks like thunder over a mountaintop.

Beckett screams for a nurse, and one quickly comes running through the door.

She puts a liquid into my IV bag and immediately the pain dies down.

Beckett covers her mouth with her hands.

"Samantha, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to hurt you!"

I groan slightly as I pull myself slowly upright.

"It's...ok"

Castle reaches over and places a pillow behind me.

I nod gratefully.

I sit for a minute trying to take everything in.

Castle is the first to talk.

"I know you just woke up, but the only person who really knows what happened besides you is Espo, and he hasn't told us much. Can you tell us what happened?"

I shake my head.

"Its kind of blurry, but from what I can remember, Espo kicked down the door and someone came up from behind and shot me."

I lie, I'm trying to protect Espo.

"He shot you in the chest, from behind?" Beckett asks.

I nod.

"Ok I'm going to ask you again. What really happened Samantha?"

I exhale and lower my gaze.

"Samantha-"

"Fine. I walked in after Espo without a vest on, and the dude shot me."

"Because he said the room was clear, and it wasn't." Beckett states, almost like a question.

"Yeah, but it wasn't his fault!"

"I didn't say it was. Then what happened?"

"Someone shot the man that shot me. And I asked Espo to tell me a story."

"There's more. Please tell me."

"I can't. Beckett what I said to him was only meant to be heard on my deathbed. I thought it was."

I close my eyes momentarily, and that's all it takes for the sound of the gunshot to ring in my ears again.

Castle takes my hand.

"How long was I out?"

"A little more than 18 hours."

"I was out that long?"

His eyes sadden.

"Yes. Samantha we didn't know if you were going to make it. The doctor said the only way you would live is if you made it through the night, and you didn't wake up. I thought- I thought we were going to lose you."

He starts crying, and so does Beckett.

"Hey, I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere."

These words remind me of what Espo said to me.

"Where is everyone?"

"Ooh. I was supposed to tell everyone when you woke up, I'll be right back."

She starts to walk out the door.

"Beckett?"

"Yeah?"

"I want to see Espo."