Castle's partner

My Escape

Ryan drags the blade across his skin.
"This is all your fault. You made me do this."
I try to run to him, only to find that my hands were tied to the chair.
He continues to cut himself, and my screams become desperate.
"Stop! RYAN!"

The words are still on my lips as I open my eyes. Ryan burst through the door into my room.
He takes me in his arms, and I linger in his warm embrace, but the pain of my memories haunts me.
"I'm right here! It's ok!" Ryan tries to comfort me.
I can't believe my screams were loud enough to be heard throughout the apartment.
"I'm sorry I made you hurt! Please forgive me!" I sob.
"Hey woah! What is this about?"
"You-you said it-it was my fault. And you're right."
He has an epiphany, and understands what I am talking about.
"Your dream? It was about me?"
His voice sounds as if it were stretched across a drum.
"Yes! It was awful!"
He's stunned.
"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I told you I wouldn't but I did. I didn't mean to." He says.
"It's my fault."
"No it's not! Ross promise me you believe me."
"But you said it was my fault."
"In your dream. Dreams aren't real."
I finally calm down and Ryan lets go.
"Ok you need to go back to sleep ok?"
"No Ryan I'm begging you! Please don't make me go back to sleep!"
"Ross you can't keep living like this. You can't keep living in fear."
"I'm not living in fear. I'm living in pain and I hate it. I can't get these pictures out of my head and they are driving me insane! When I go to sleep it just makes them clearer. Please don't make me."
After hearing my desperate cries, he finally gives in.
"Ok. One night. It's not healthy. You only have a couple of hours anyways. It's almost 4:30."
"Thanks." I roll over in bed letting him know I don't want to talk anymore.
He sighs and pats my back before walking out.
I lay in bed and remember some of my favorite song lyrics.
"If I lay here,
If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world."
My head fills with the rest of the song.
Music saved my life. Out of all the times I contemplated suicide, I never could because a song would come in a a store I was passing, or a car on the street and it would remind me that there is still hope. Wherever there is music, there is hope. Music is my escape.