Castle's partner

My Whole Life

I change back into my regular clothes.
I am really sweaty and need to take a shower.
I spent the entire day working out, and all the while the team found the killer. It's been a few days since they found the body, the day I tried to kill myself.

I find Ryan and we leave.
As I get in the car, I realize how much pain I'm actually in.
I shift uncomfortably in my seat.

"You ok?" Ryan asks.

"Yeah I'm fine."

He doesn't say anything else, but I know he's not convinced.

We walk in the door to his apartment, and Jenny hugs me right away.
She pulls me in, and the pain in my stomach from Lorenzo's punch worsens.

I inhale sharply and hold back the whine that tries to escape my lips.
She lets go.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm gonna go take a shower."

I walk to the bathroom but I can hear Ryan telling Jenny exactly what's wrong.

I undress, and there is a large purple bruise across my stomach.

I can't let anyone see though.

Because underneath the bruise are cuts and scars that spell out words like UGLY and WORTHLESS.

I step into the shower and let the water run over my stomach. It hurts, but at the same time eases the pain. Or maybe just numbs it, I really can't tell.

When I'm done and I dress, I go into my room.
Ryan and Jenny walk in holding hands.

"Samantha?" Jenny asks gently.
"Can I please see your stomach?"

"Jenny, I'm fine." I say forcing a fake smile onto my face.

"I don't believe you. And what's the big deal anyways? If there's nothing there just show me."

"Jenny, I'm sorry but I'm not going to. I'm ok, really."

She looks at Ryan, and I can tell neither one of them wants to drop this conversation.

"Hey I'm really tired. I'm going to bed. I love you both."

I hug them, and they each kiss me on the forehead.

I get in bed, and they start to walk out.

"Hey Ross?" Ryan calls out to me.

"Yeah?"

"Be careful."

"I know."

I pull the covers up, but place my hand on my stomach under my shirt. It hurts, a lot.

I close my eyes and hope that in the morning, everything will be alright.

I wake up and walk to the kitchen, where Ryan is making coffee.

"Hey I have a surprise for both of you this afternoon."

I hate surprises.

"Ok. Cool." I say.

I start to walk out the door.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

Am I?

"No...." I answer hesitantly.

"You haven't eaten."

"Damn it." I mumble under my breath.

"Come on. What do you want?"

"Do I have to?"

He pauses.

"I'll make you a deal. If you show me your stomach, you don't have to eat. If not, I make your breakfast. And you have to eat all of it."

My eyes narrow at him. I'd rather eat ten pounds of food than have anyone see my scars.

"I guess I'll have to go with the latter."

He looks disappointed. I know he wants me to eat, but at the same time I know he's worried I'm hurt.

"Ok. Sit down."

After he's done making everything, he brings it to the table.
There's bacon, eggs, sausage, and French toast.

My jaw drops as I stare at the multitude on the table.

"I-you-there's no way!" Is all I can manage.

"You said you would."

"I didn't know you would be making this much!"

"Eat."

I gingerly pick up my fork and start eating the eggs. I have one sausage, and I know I can't eat anymore.

I look at Ryan.

"I can't." I whisper.

I push the plate away from me and bury my head in my hands.

Ryan sits next to me and wraps his arms around my thin shoulders.

"Please."

"If I eat any more, I'm going to be sick."

He lets go. "I wish you would eat more."

"I tried Ryan, I really did."

"I know. Let's go."

I open my dad's file as I sit at Beckett's desk. I look at a name I didn't notice before, and repeat the name in my head.

"Antonio Martinelli. Where have I heard that?"

Then it hits me. His name was in the newspaper a few months ago.

And the article was about the Italian mafia.

I go online and research as much as I can about them before we leave.

Suddenly my thoughts are interrupted by Jenny hugging me.

"Are you ok? What happened?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Your text! You asked me to come to the precinct right away!"

"Jenny, don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're here, but I didn't text you. I've had my phone in my pocket all day."

I go to pull it out of my back pocket, but it's not there. Its not in any of them.

"I don't have it, I don't know where it is-"

"I do." Ryan cuts me off.

"I used it to text Jenny. I knew she would come quickly if she got a text from you."

"Ok but why did you need her to come?"

I look around, and the whole team is there.

"Because I wanted to ask her something."

He gets down on one knee, and my jaw drops.

He pulls a tiny black velvet box out of his blazer.

"Jenny O'Malley. I've only known you for a few years, but I swear I've known you my whole life. You make me so happy. I always smile when I'm around you. Can you make me smile some more, and marry me?"

Tears start dripping from her cheeks.

"Yes of course!"

And with that Ryan slips the ring on her finger.

He stands up, and they kiss.

"I love you." Says Ryan.

"I love you too." Replies Jenny smiling.