Castle's partner

Jesse

The precinct is quiet. I think the effect of the bomb has finally hit everyone.
My mood matches this environment.
For some reason, I become afraid of facing Beckett, and my shaky hand grabs Castles.
He looks at me, his face is sad.
"You can handle Beckett. You've been through so much and you're afraid of her?"
Although he is trying to encourage me, I can tell he is just as unsure as me.
"Let's just get this over with."
It takes a few seconds for Beckett to see us, but when she does she runs up to us, putting her arms around me.
"I'm so sorry Ross. Please forgive me. I never meant to hurt you."
I then realized that she didn't know Castle was with me in the observation room. And I know he won't tell her, so neither will I.
"Ok, so what have we got, anything?"
She seems shocked at how fast I change the subject, but doesn't question it.
"Umm, yeah we got the news anchor. She knew the organizer of the entire protest, and he was one of the casualties."
"Oh. So are we going to question her now?" Asks Castle.
"Yeah do you want to come in with me? Ross, Ryan and Esposito can watch."

After we all get settled in our places, Beckett starts her reign of terror.
"How did you know Jesse?"
"Who?" She tries to play dumb.
"Wow, it's amazing you don't seem to remember him, I mean you went to high school with him. And it seems like you have been talking to him quite recently too."
She shifts uncomfortably in her chair.
"So why did you create the bomb?"
"What are you talking about?"
"The game is up. We found the burner phone you used to call Jesse and the detonator that you created from a garage door opener."
Her face falls.
"How did you?...."
"We tracked your movements from your real phone when you threw the burner phone in the sewage drain a few blocks away."
She sits back, obviously defeated.
"We didn't want to hurt anyone. I just needed a big story and he needed attention for his campaign. He was never supposed to get hurt. No one was. Especially not kids, and we hurt that girl with the red hair. We didn't mean for that to happen."

After she signs her confession, we decide to celebrate. Or rather, Beckett, Castle, Ryan and Esposito do. I voted against it.
I get in Ryan's car, and I know I should be happy but I'm not.
I stare silently out the window until Ryan talks to me.
"Hey what happened this morning with you and Beckett?"
"I told you what happened."
"Yeah I know but it's not like you or Beckett to get so worked up about that. Are you sure something else isn't going on?"
"Yeah I'm sure."

We arrive at the restaurant and we all sit down to order. When it's my turn, I order a side of fries.
"Ross you should be eating more than that." Ryan whispers as he leans in closer to me.
I know everyone is giving me a disapproving look, but I don't care. I'm not hungry and I just want to go to Ryan's. Plus, there's no way they will make a scene about my diet in the middle of a restaurant.

When the food comes, I silently eat my fries.
When everyone is finished, I say my goodbyes and get in the car waiting for Ryan to finish up.
He sits next to me silently, and the drive home is the same.
We walk in the door, and Ryan shuts it behind us.
I turn around to face him and I am met with his angry face.
"When's the last time you ate a full meal?" His voice sharp.
"I-I...." I trail off, trying to remember.
"I told you what would happen if you stopped eating?"
"Ryan I just wasn't hungry its not a big deal. Today wasn't the best day."
His eyes soften a bit, but his voice stays the same.
"Still. I know its hard, but you can't just miss every meal and say you weren't hungry."
He grits his teeth before speaking again.
"You're off your dads case for a week."
"WHAT?" I scream at him.
"You heard me. I told you that's what I was going to do."
"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"
"I just did."
I can't even say anything. My fists are shaking from anger, and my tongue seems to be tied in a knot.
"I'm sorry." He apologizes.
I turn away and go into my room. I change and get in bed, not bothering to brush my teeth even though I know I should. I pull the covers up over my face and right when I do Ryan walks in.
"I know you're mad at me, but do you want me to stay?"
I nod under the covers.
The bed next to me shifts, and I can feel Ryan put his arm around the lump that is me.
"I'm just doing this because I love you." He says gently.
"I know. I wish you didn't though."
My words are muffled by the blankets.
He pulls the covers down so we can see each other.
"What? Why?"
"Because I don't want you to get hurt."
The air is weighted by my words.
He carefully takes my hand.
"If I do, it'd be worth it."
I'm not in the mood to argue, so I just scoot closer to him.
Like this, the confines of darkness lock me in, and I become one with the shadows.