Castle's partner

My Story

My gun is pointed at Ryan.
"Please don't. I didn't do it!" He cries as I pull the trigger.
The gunshot rings out.

I wake up in a cold sweat. My body is still touching Ryan's, so I have to get up slowly to be sure I don't wake him. As I do, my hair falls slowly around me, and for the first time I realize how long it is. It is a brilliant copper color, and since its summer, there are gold highlights. It is curly, but still reaches my mid back. I play with a strand between my fingers.
"It's beautiful." Ryan's voice startles me.
I turn around to face him.
"What?"
"Your hair is beautiful."
I smile. "Thanks."
He starts to get up. "Oh man I'm sore."
He's groaning like an old man.
I laugh lightly. I glance back at the mirror, and look at my reflection. I move the hair behind my ear, and notice a faint white ghost of a scar. I trace it with my fingers. As I do the memories of Montgomery's funeral dance in my vision.
Beckett is on the ground, her chest covered in blood. Castle is next to her saying he loves her.
Again I run to where the gun lays, again I feel the pain of the bullet grazing my head. And yet again, I feel the pain of losing Captain Montgomery, but worst of all I feel the pain of knowing Beckett has to live with this for the rest of her life.
"Sam. Sam!" Ryan is calling me.
The pictures fade in my mind.
"Yeah?"
"You zoned out for a minute. Are you ok?"
"Totally." He turns towards me and notices my scar too. He touches it lightly, and I try not to pull away.
"You know what? Never be ashamed of a scar. It just means you are stronger than whatever tried to hurt you."
I nod.
"Ryan can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"What if I never catch them? What if I have to spend the rest of my life without being able to get justice for my family?"
"You will. I promise. And so will Beckett."
He pulls me into a hug.
"Can you promise me something else?" My voice is muffled by his chest.
"I can try."
"I don't want to go back to foster care."
"Never. I promise. Now can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"How come you hated it so much?"
I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to suppress the memories, until I taste blood.
"Samantha?" Ryan asks unsure of why I go silent.
He lets go and he looks at me, but there are tears in my eyes.
"What happened there?"
I shake my head, and I have to compose myself.
With a shaky voice I start my story.

"There was a family that took me in. They were a younger couple, Elizabeth and Brandon. They said they had a baby but she died when she was five. Never told me how. They were nice for awhile. Gave me lots of food and clothes. And then one day I came home from school, and I don't even know what I did, but Brandon hit me. Every day after that, he would beat me up. I had to cover it up though so when I went to school so no one would ask questions. And no one did. He threatened to kill me if I ran away. Elizabeth knew what he was doing, but she never said anything. She never hit me, but I sometimes wish she had, because what she did was worse. She turned her back on me. That was all he did for a long time, but once-" I stop mid sentence. I can barely look at Ryan. Before he tells me to keep talking, I do.
"He touched me Ryan. That was when I left. I ran and ran and never went back, and they never found me."
I risk a glance at Ryan.
He is crying.
"How come you didn't go to the police? How come you never told me?"
He hugs me and doesn't let go. He cries into my hair, stroking my back.
"I'm so sorry."
I pull away from him, unable to take the sympathy.
"I'm going to find them." He says, I can hear the anger rising in his voice.
"What? Ryan no its ok."
"The hell it is! Ross what they did to you is NOT ok, and they deserve to go rot in jail for the rest of their lives."
"No Ryan-"
"No listen to me. They hurt you, and there is no way they can get away with that. They traumatized you. He-he touched you. That is awful. I am going to find them. Lets go."
We get ready and go to the precinct.
We approach Beckett, Espo, and Castle.
I hang back, and cross my arms over my chest.
Ryan starts telling them what I told him. When he finishes they all come over. Beckett hugs me.
"We are going to find these sons of b*tches, ok?"
Castle nods his head in agreement.
"Yeah. But wait, even if we do what evidence do we have?"
They all furrow their eyebrows trying to think of something.
Then my mind wanders to a time when I got home and he started to choke me.
"There is some." They turn their attention to me.
I hesitate.
"What is it?" Asks Espo.
I pull down the collar of my shirt just enough so they see the permanent bruise I have around the base of my throat. It's a perfectly preserved fingerprint.