My Drug

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I wake up in the morning and for the first time in months I'm not still exhausted. I walk to the kitchen, and Ryan is sitting at the the table.
"Hey fifteen year old. How's it going?"
I run into his arms and whisper to his chest, "guess what?"
"What?"
"I didn't have a bad dream."
I can feel his smile against my forehead.

We spend the day at the precinct and I learn tiny bits and pieces to my dads case. We go back and I am laying in bed. Ryan has already said good night, but I can't go to sleep. I close my eyes trying to get comfortable, and I hear a patter on the roof. Since Ryan's apartment complex consists of two floors, and we are on the top, it's pretty loud.
I realize that it is raining, and I sit up quickly. I throw on some shoes and race out the door. I run up the stairs to the roof.
It is pouring and I stand out in the open. Within seconds, I am soaked to the bone, but I don't care at all. I am smiling and laughing, and twirling in circles. I stand with my arms wide open and my eyes looking to the heavens.
I hear echoing behind me, but I just ignore it. I never take my eyes off the sky.
A hand grabs my arm and I scream, only to face Ryan.
He pulls me into his arms.
"What the hell is wrong with you! You scared the crap out of me. I got up and went to check on you and you weren't there! I thought- I thought they took you."
I pull away from him.
"I'm fine. But look." I gesture to the sky, right when's flash of lightning lights up the whole sky. I wait a second, and a clap of thunder shakes the ground under my feet.
Ryan looks at me with bewilderment as I smile through the raindrops.
"Come on we got to go inside!" He exclaims as the wind picks up and the thunder gets closer.
"No I want to stay out here."
"Ross it's dangerous we have to go."
I ignore him and walk to the edge of the roof.
"Come on let's go." Ryan picks me up, but I don't fight him. I stick out my hand as he carries me back inside, stretching my arm as far as it will reach so I can feel the rain for as long as possible.
I'm soaking wet still when we open the door to his apartment, and I'm so cold I'm shaking and shivering.
Ryan carries me to the bathroom, and he is wet too, but not as bad. He was smart and put on a raincoat. He strips it off, and his layers underneath are dry. He pulls out a towel and hands it me, and brings in new pajamas for me to change into. He waits outside the door while I dry off and change. As soon as I'm done I open the door and Ryan pulls me into his arms again.
I can hear his tears through his voice.

"Don't do that again, ok? You scared me. You could have been taken, they could have killed you, they could be torturing you!"
"Ryan, I said I was sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted- I just wanted to feel the rain."
He is stroking me hair, and talking through his tears.
"What so important about the rain anyways?"
I go silent, this question hurts.
I can feel tears start to well up in my eyes.
"Hey it's ok. You can tell me."
The tears start dripping down my face silently.
"My mom loved the rain. When it rained, we would sit outside together in the rain and then when my brother came around he would too. We loved it. It was like a drug. Once we went outside, we didn't come back inside until it stopped raining. And no one could tear us away."
I clutch his shirt with my fist as my memories dance in my vision.
It hurts so bad, but at the same time I don't know what I would do without them.
Ryan sets me in bed.
"Do you want me to stay?"
He asks with concern.
"Please do," I whisper.
He gets in next to me and I close my eyes.
"Thanks. I'm sorry I scared you."
"I'm just glad you're ok."

I wake up in a fit of coughing, causing Ryan to wake up as well.
"You ok?"
"Yeah I'm fine. Lets go."
We get ready for work, and leave to go to the precinct.

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