Breaking Code

Hard truths

Brantley POV

   I pull Jade to me and hold her close as she cries telling her that everything is gonna be okay that I will be here for her every step of the way all the while my mind is processing everything that she had said. After she stops crying I look at her lifting her chin so she will look at me in the eyes and say," now can we talk about everything that you just told me?"

"Yeah might as well"

"Okay first off let's start with the pain pills and alcohol. You know from watching me and seeing everything that I went through the downward spiral and hitting rock bottom what it can do. I can't watch you do that Jade I'm not as strong as you are, it would kill me. So please I am begging you to stop."

"B, I had the hurricane the one night and then at Jays house that is the only 2 nights I have taken the pills and had alcohol. But you asked what I was thinking well are you sure you are ready to hear the answer to that question, cause once you hear and know it can't be taken back"

"What do you mean am I ready, hell yes I want to know what was going through your mind."

She pulls out of my arms and gets up and paces the floor.

"B, I needed the pain pills Ash left me because my entire body was in pain. I knew he beat me and I knew he had forced himself on me. What I didn't remember was all the details because of the beating I took, that is until this morning when I got in the shower and was thinking about you and it all came flooding back. I always made him wrap and he didn't so I had to know if I was carrying anything because I couldn't move on until I knew. I wasn't trying to do anything by taking the pills and drinking cause I wasn't taking them together. I realize how stupid that was but at the time I just wanted to be normal again. I didn't want to be broken. When I say my whole body hurt I mean it he beat me and then he raped me over and over until I passed out and I would come to and it would start over again, this went on all day from the time I left you until after dark he violated me everywhere so it hurts to walk to move unless I have taken something and I will tell you instead of 4 I am already down to 3 a day. I'm not really taking them to try and forget I'm taking them so I can go on living through the pain. It took everything I had to get to you that night, but I kept telling myself just a little bit farther, cause I knew once I made it to you I would be safe. He wouldn't be able to hurt me anymore. "

I am fucking pissed off hearing her tell me all this and watching the tears slowly fall down her face and then when I try to pull her in for a hug she backs away shaking her head no. That was what broke me I lost all thought as I started throwing chairs and I hit the wall and the turned over the coffee table. I hear Jade call my name"Brantley Keith"  as I am on my rampage.

  "That mother fucker deserves everything he got and more. Death was too good for him, he should have died a slow and painfully tortured death and been put through what he put you through. How dare he lay a hand on what's mine."

I stop as I feel her hand on my back. I turn around and I tell her," I am so sorry and I don't know how you look at me cause I feel like I caused this to happen to you. You were with me and I pushed his buttons that morning trying to make him see what he was doing and that he was going to lose you if he didn't change. I'm so fucking sorry Jade, this whole thing is all my fault. If you never wanted to see me again I would understand cause what I said caused you to have to go through that."

    She wipes the tears that I didn't realize were falling down my face and she holds my face in her hands so I can't look away," no you didn't cause any of this to happen to me, you were my saving grace. The reason I kept fighting, the reason I knew I couldn't give in to any of this. You were my strength B"

  " You said he didn't wrap, Jade are you pregnant? "

"No I am on the pill but always made him wrap and no I don't have any STD's from him either. What I do have is extensive damage done to my body that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for a week of then. There was tearing and bruising and what he didn't come right out and say is he wasn't sure about me having children. It will be a wait and see game. So in reality Coulter did break me and I'm afraid he is getting his result in breaking us"

   " Jade baby I am so sorry but he's gone he can't break us, we have been through too much we will get through this too"

  " No because he's right he knew that if he did this that it would break us because you would never be able to look at me without picturing him and that he would always be between us, cause he knew that you can't stand anyone to have what is yours." 

   With those words she turned and walked out of the room. And I stood there trying to grasp what she said and when I did I fell to my knees crying holding my head in my hand.