Nirvana (Liu Yuxin x reader)

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(THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS CONTENT THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING FOR SOME READERS)

'I'm gonna quickly grab a drink.' Y/N said making Yuxin look at her. 'Do you want me to come with you?' Y/N shook her head. 'It's fine. I'll catch up with you guys. Save me some food.' They parted ways and Y/N rushed off to the nearest vending machine. She heard footsteps from behind her and saw a familiar face. 'Hey Jade. You okay?' She smiled while the other girl stiffly approached her. 'I'm sorry.' Y/N frowned. 'For what?'

'Everything. Y/N I've been the biggest bitch to you for so long when you never deserved it. I've abused you. Almost killed you. Talked you into killing yourself. I've been the cause of almost all the shit that's happened to you when you were nothing but nice to me. I'm so ashamed at what I've done. I've hurt you and attempted to hurt your friends who were only trying to keep you safe from me. I don't expect you to accept this lame excuse for an apology but I just want you to know that I feel bad. More than bad. You won't ever have to see me again. I won't bother you ever again. Even if you come looking for me, you won't find me. You don't have to be scared of me anymore Y/N.' 

'Jade, stop.' She took the crying girl into her arms. 'I know what your implying. Please don't.' She felt her own eyes well up. 'I'm glad you did what you did. I'm glad I had the experiences I had. I admit, it didn't feel nice. It was far from it but you've allowed me to realise that I can be there for people who need someone there like I did. I can be the person I needed. Like now. You regret what you've done. You don't want to carry on anymore. I didn't but I can tell you now that if you don't, people will miss you. Jade I'll miss you.'

Jade pulled away when she heard Y/N sniff. 'I don't want you to cry because of me anymore. You've cried enough.' Y/N wiped away her tears and took a few deep breaths to calm down. 'Let me help you. I don't want you to feel like this. It's not a nice feeling and just because you feel responsible for making me feel like that, it doesn't give you an excuse to feel like it either.' Jade looked at her slightly confused. 'I am responsible for making you feel like that.' Y/N shook her head. 

'No. Before I moved, before my parents separated, my mum was very controlling. She manipulated me and made me scared of almost everything. To this day, I still her voice in my head. Telling me not to talk to them. Telling me that my friends are going to hurt me. Telling me that worthless and useless. A waste of space. A mistake. No matter how many good things happen, her voice will always be there. It'll never leave or fade. The scars you gave me with fade. The scars I gave myself will fade. No physical pain will ever match the amount of mental and emotional abuse I experienced. You're not responsible for making me feel the way I did. You helped me get stronger so that her words can't affect me as much as they used to.'

Jade was stunned by what she had heard. She never imagined that Y/N was going through that. Yet here she was standing in front of her, smiling at her, telling her that it was okay. 'I've forgiven you. Please forgive yourself as well.' She said making Jade sigh. 'I'm not strong like you.' Y/N held her hand. 'I'll help you become stronger if you let me.' Jade shook her head. 'I don't want to bother you anymore.' Y/N shook her head. 'I want you to bother me.' Jade looked at her in disbelief. 

'Y/N, you...' She couldn't find the words she was looking for. 'I'm crazy. I know.' She laughed. She turned around and opened the door before reaching for a bottle of water. She grabbed a few chocolate bars as well before handing them to Jade. 'I'm gonna grab some food now, but can we meet up before you fly back home?' Jade was shocked again by the younger girl's words. 'Um, Mum, Dad and Pearl told me not to come back until the show had finished.' She looked down at her the chocolate bars in her hands. Y/N's eyes widened. 'Her family's harsh as fuck.'

'Luckily, we're loaded and I've got money in my bank account. If I didn't have that... I don't know what I'd do. I'm probably gonna stay in hotel nearby until the finals. Don't worry.' Y/N remembered how much Pearl would show off about how many Chanel bags she had. She nodded, 'I wanna meet sooner though.' She beckoned for her to follow as they started walking in the direction Y/N came from. 'Um okay. I'll be finished packing by tonight, how's tomorrow lunch sound?' Y/N nodded.

'Done.'

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