Nirvana (Liu Yuxin x reader)

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She didn't realise how loud her cries were getting until she heard voices. She didn't even dare to breathe but it didn't matter because people were already calling her name from the other side of the door. She calmed down but didn't want to open the door until she was sure that no one was there. She tried to see if there were any shadows outside but couldn't see clearly. She carefully listened and didn't hear anything. She got up and slowly unlocked the door. She opened it to see no one there and took a sigh of relief.

She looked either side but froze when her eyes met Yuxin's. She wanted to turn and run but she couldn't. It was as if she was glued to the floor. It was only when Yuxin pushed away from the wall she was leaning on, did Y/N snap out of her trance. She moved backwards away from Yuxin and quickly walked over to the lift not realising that Yuxin was following her. Yuxin didn't try and stop Y/N from leaving but stood next to her in the lift.

The doors shut and they both waited in silence. Y/N could feel her eyes well up as she fiddled with her hands. She didn't want to believe what the comment said. She knew she'd feel better if she spoke to Yuxin about it but she was too scared that what the comment said was true. She didn't want Yuxin to hate her but she was too afraid to ask. She sighed and let her hands swing by her sides but flinched when she felt them bump into Yuxin's.

She looked up at the girl who just looked straight back. 'Goddamnit Yuxin say something. Anything.' Without thinking she quickly threw her arms over Yuxin's shoulder and cried into her neck. She was about to pull away but melted when she felt Yuxin's soft lips plant gentle kisses on her neck and her arms wrap around her waist. She moved herself as close to Yuxin as she could even though her mind was screaming at her to pull away. She felt Yuxin's hand move up to her head before she started running her fingers lightly through her hair to calm her down.

When Y/N's cries had turned into small sniffs she pulled away and looked up to Yuxin. 'I'm sorry.' She whispered making Yuxin shake her head. 'You did nothing wrong.' She said holding her face in her hand. Y/N looked down not saying anything back and stepped back away from Yuxin. 'Keke told me to not do or say anything until you were ready to but I can't just stand here and watch you go through whatever you're going through. I'm sorry if you need space but I just wanna make sure that you know that I love you and I'm always gonna be here.' Yuxin took Y/N's trembling hands into hers and smiled at her.

Y/N burst out crying again. She was so confused on what was true. On one hand people were saying that Yuxin was clearly unhappy being around her but then she was standing in front of her going against their word. Yuxin pulled her close to her. 'Should we head back to the dorm?' Y/N nodded. When they had got back, Yuxin locked the door and sat down on the bed next to Y/N. She staring down at her hands with a few tears running down her face while she was stuck in an endless loop of her insecurities convincing her that she wasn't good enough for Yuxin.

Yuxin loosely wrapped her arms around Y/N's waist and rested her head on the youngers shoulder. Y/N looked at her and moved her arm so it was over Yuxin's, hugging her out of habit. Yuxin shuffled closer to her and looked up at Y/N. The empty expression made her heart sink. She moved Y/N's hand off her shoulder and took it in her hand but was slightly confused when she saw Y/N move away from her. 'I'm sorry. I'm r-really sorry. I'll j-just go.' Y/N had tears streaming down her cheeks as she headed for the door.

Yuxin quickly got up and pulled Y/N back. 'Please don't go.' Y/N couldn't stop crying and felt all her energy being sucked out of her. 'I d-don't u-understand.' She cried harder. 'I'm s-so c-confused.' Yuxin let her free her pent up emotions and just listened. 'I hate f-feeling l-like t-this. S-scared. Lost. U-Unsure and i-insecure. I w-wish I n-never saw t-that comment. I w-wish I realised t-this earlier. I w-wish I c-could've stopped this f-from happening. I'm sorry for being s-selfish. Yuxin, I'm s-so sorry.' 

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