LMPYITP: The Random Passages

The Circus Has Just Come to Town - 3

            "Yer need to take that fuckin' hoodie off!" Noel growled at me as I sat at the kitchen table. "I'll not have yer bringin' bad luck into my fuckin' 'ouse!"

I rolled my eyes. "In the words of Red Forman, 'You don't have bad luck.'" I replied. "'The reason that bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass!'"

He tutted. "You-"

"What's the fuckin' matter now?" Gene asked as he entered the dining room.

"Him/'er!" Noel and I exclaimed in unison pointing at each other.

Gene looked at Noel before turning to me.

I flattened my lips glancing between both of them. "If I wanna wear this bird acrosst my chest." I pointed at the Liverbird on the front of my hoodie. "I'm gonna wear this bird acrosst my chest. And do you wanna know why?"

"Why?" Gene inquired.

"'Cuz I'm an adult and can make my own damn decisions!"

Noel rolled his eyes. "When the fuck's she comin'?" He asked.

"Should be here any minute." I revealed.

"Fuck's sake!"

"Hey! If grown ass adults'd start actin' like grown ass adults then we wouldn't have to keep dealin' with a solicitor who moonlights as a probation worker! Now sit! Your asses! Down!" I pointed for both of them to do so.

They acquiesced and sat down across the table from me.

A couple minutes later, the doorbell rang.

"She's here!" Noel announced.

"No shit!" I shot back.

"Well, who's gonna answer it then?" He raised his eyebrows curiously. "Since yer told us to sit our arses down?"

I rolled my eyes as I got up from my chair and headed for the door.

"So, what is it this time?" She questioned us after we all got settled down around the dining room table.

"We need to go back to Ohio this weekend." I told her.

Her eyes widened in confusion. "What on Earth for? You were only just there last weekend."

I looked at Noel. "Do you wanna tell her or should I? It were your idear after all so it ain't like I can take the credit for it this time."

"What's the reason?" She spoke before Noel could.

"Our Noel's goin' through a geriatric life crisis-"

"No, I'm not!" Noel denied. "Me mam's geriatric. I'm middle aged. So I'm goin' through a midlife crisis."

"You're also goin' through a divorce." I pointed out. "A divorce where your ex-old lady's gonna take half your shit 'cuz your dumbass trusted her enough to think she'd never leave you let alone take half your money. Our Fi' knows how that works, don't she?" I thumbed over at her. "Sara already got half from the sale last weekend plus she'll get half from the sale comin' up-"

"What does this have to do with going back to Ohio?" Fiona interrupted me.

"Well, it's caused our Noel to go off the deep end 'cuz he wants to rescue another giraffe." I spoke before Noel could also. "A fifteen month old male one. Ranch raised. He's callin' him Sky. After Council Skies, innit?" I glared at Noel. "I mean, them Amish folk ain't gonna know what we're talkin' about!"