LMPYITP: The Random Passages

"I don't BELIZE it"

            The warm sun shined down on me as I lay on a towel on the beach with my eyes closed.

'Wait.' I thought. 'The sun? The beach?'

I opened my eyes, sat up, and looked around.

There was beautiful white sand everywhere and clear blue water across from me. The beach wasn't too crowded either.

'Where the fuck am I?' I thought as I looked around. 'And how the fuck did I get here?'

Just then, the person lying next to me sighed and stretched. I hadn't even noticed him lying there until he made a noise.

"Liam?" I said as I looked at him. "What are you doing here? More importantly, what am I doing here? Where's Noel?"

He had sunglasses on so I couldn't see his eyes. But I could still see him furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

"Why the fuck would he be here?" He asked.

"Because he's my boyfriend." I replied.

"No he's not." He shook his head.

"Yes he is."

"No he's not! You fuckin' dumped his arse for me."

I looked at him puzzled. 'What on earth is he talking about?' I wondered.

"Are you takin' the piss?" He asked. "Don't try to act like you don't remember."

"Remember what?"

"Oh come on, Blue!"

There he went with that nickname again. I had no idea why he would call me that. And anytime I asked him about it, he was always too cheeky to give me an answer.

"Liam," I said calmly, "we're not together."

"Yes we are!" He argued. "We're engaged for fuck's sake!"

"What?"

Just then, I felt something on my left ring finger. I raised my hand to examine it and couldn't believe what I saw on it.

"There's no way ya could fuckin' forget that!" Liam went on as he watched me. "I had it shipped to Italy so it'd be there when we arrived."

"Italy?" I repeated. "When did we go to Italy?"

He pursed his lips in annoyance. "Jules." He said. "Stop messin' about! It was funny at first but now it fuckin' hurts."

"Well I'm not trying to hurt you." I told him. "But I seriously have no idea what you're talking about. You're gonna have to refresh my memory."

"Right well we went to Milan on holiday after Fashion Week in Paris. We stayed on Lake Como 'cuz you wanted us to. I didn't have a clue why but it didn't take me too fuckin' long to figure it out. On our first full day there, we went out to see the shops and that. Your ring was due in at some jewelry shop not far from where we were. I asked ya if you'd be alright by yourself for a bit and you said you would be so I left to go pick it up. When I came back, I found you undressin' one of the blokes outta Jet with your bloody eyes!"

"A bloke out of Jet?" I questioned curiously. "Which one?"

"I dunno, Chris or summat." He shook his head as he put his hand behind it.

"Chris doesn't live in Milan." I told him.

"Then it was the other one."

"Nic?"

"Yeah." He said quietly.

"I met Nic Cester?" I said with a smile. "What's he like?"

"A fuckin' knobhead!" He replied. "Don't know what you find so special about him."

I smiled to myself. There were too many things to list.

"So then what happened?" I asked as I could tell Liam was getting a little jealous of "The Wonder from Down Under".

"We left his sorry arse behind and went to the racetrack. You quite liked it even though you're not keen on horseracing. We met some geezer who owned some of the horses in the barn nearby and he invited us to come see 'em after the race.

"I was bloody nervous then 'cuz I knew it was now or never. I had the ring. The only thing left was to ask the question. So I did."

"And what did I say?" I asked.

"You said yes obviously." He replied. "And now we're on holiday to celebrate."

"Where are we?" I asked curiously. It was a beautiful place but I still had no idea what it was called.

"Stop playin', yeah? It's not funny no more."

"I'm not playing." I informed him. "I seriously have no idea where the fuck we are or what the fuck we're doing here."

"I just told ya why we're here!" He exclaimed. "We're gettin' married!"

"Oh for God's sake!" I yelled as I looked away. "This is crazy! I don't remember agreeing to any of this."

"Well ya better start remembering 'cuz ya fuckin' did!" Liam told me. "You were well interested in the quickie we had in the toilet on the flight here."

"I did not have sex with you!" I said firmly (even though there were times when I wished I could have).

"What? Suckin' me off don't count?" He asked. "You're actually gettin' quite good at that. I especially like it when you-"

"Stop!" I ordered as I covered his mouth to shut him up. "Now I'm going to ask you again. Where the hell are we?"

I moved my hand so he could respond.

"Belize." He said.

"Belize?" I echoed.

"Yeah."

"Oh." I said quietly as I looked out at the water.

It was an absolutely stunning place. I still couldn't remember the journey there but I sure as heck didn't want to leave.

I turned back to look down at Liam. "So when are we getting married?" I asked with a slight smile.

He kept that straight face of his but I could see the corners of his mouth raising a little to form a grin. "Phone's ringin'." He said.

I looked at him confused. "What?"

I opened my eyes as the alarm on my phone continued to chime. I grabbed it and shut it off.

I wiped my eyes and looked around the room. I was in bed in Noel's guestroom. It was the middle of January.

There was no Liam, no beach...

And definitely no ring on my finger.