Scouting Legion High School [ An Attack on Titan Modern High School!AU ]

A Feathery Situation

"I don't understand why we are doing this," Levi groaned.

Hanji shrugged. "I mean, I think he'll like it."

"Out of the many years I've known that bigass tree, I've never heard him talk once about his love for ducks," Levi stated.

The duckling quacked angrily in Hanji's arm in response.

"Fuck you, too, you furry ball of rage," Levi snapped back at the small feathery creature. "What if Erwin has an irrational fear of ducks?"

"That's ridiculous," Hanji scoffed.

"No it's not," Levi argued. "Because of you, I am now deathly afraid of skeletons popping out of nowhere and ambushing me."

Hanji glanced at Levi. "That's not very irrational-"

"It is!" Levi interrupted. "Even though Erwin can be a pain in the ass, I am not giving him a duck for his birthday!"

"Why not?" Hanji held up the duckling to Levi's face.

He immediately backed away. "First of all, get that filthy creature away from my face! Secondly, good luck bringing that into school. And thirdly, where did you find it?"

"Excuse you," Hanji bantered, "but his name is Sir Quacker Hamilton the Third. Hammy for short."

"Because it makes sense to name a duck 'Hammy,'" Levi muttered under his breath.

"And don't you fret," Hanji smirked. "For I have a plan!"

Levi didn't say anymore. He knew that Hanji was bound to screw it up somehow. Levi knew that there was a sliver of hope that it was not going to go awry. But as he recalled the events that have occurred in the past, he knew that there was no chance for this to go as planned.

✎➕➖✖➗✐

The next day, Hanji brought in a box with holes in it. Levi nearly facepalmed himself halfway across the globe. "Why don't you just put a sign on it that says 'there's a duck in this box!'" Levi remarked.

"Because that would be too obvious," Hanji responded. "Besides the duck isn't in the box. The duck is hidden in my sweater. In the box are some mice which may or may not be infected with rabies."

"Why would you-?" Levi began to question her, but then he decided to keep quiet. "You know what? As long as they stay in the box, I will be fine."

Suddenly Hanji began to laugh. "You actually think that I'd be crazy enough to bring rabied rats into the school?" She asked.

"Yes, I do," Levi stated.

"You are totally right," Hanji nodded. "But no, these are actually some worms that I caught that I'll feed to the ducklings that just hatched in the bio laboratory last night."

"There are more ducklings in this school?" Levi asked.

"Stop acting so surprised," Hanji stated. "Besides, we're experimenting with them, in humane ways, of course. You know, like duck races."

"Great," Levi said sarcastically.

"Come, Levi!" Hanji pointed to the direction of the lab. "To science!"

Levi sighed and tagged along since he knew that if he turned around and walked away, Hanji would grab him and drag him to the room herself. Better to suffer than suffer while being dragged down the halls by filth in the shape of a potato sack.

Once Levi got to the lab, it was filled with the sound of quacking. He looked around to see ducks swimming in the sink, nestling up in a cardboard box, and hopping around desk to desk.

"How many ducks are in this room?" Levi asked while leaning against a desk. However, he touched something slightly sticky and crumby and immediately wiped it on the back of Hanji's lab coat. Hanji, on the other hand, didn't seem to mind.

Hanji shrugged. "I don't know, 15?"

Levi blinked. "How were you able to get 15 ducks to hatch?"

"We didn't," Hanji stated. "Five hatched last night, three of them are two weeks old, and the rest we bought from a farm."

"We'll have fun doing your sadistic junk with these things," Levi said while stepping away from a duckling waddling away on the floor. "I'll just leave-"

"Levi," Hanji interrupted. "McCannister is on you."

"What?" Levi asked. His confusion was then answered when he heard a quack on his shoulder. He turned his head to see a fluffy yellow duckling standing next to his head. What startled Levi the most was how it got there without him noticing. When he looked over at Hanji for help, he saw that there was a duck on her shoulder as well. There was another one that nestled itself in her hair as well.

"Um, Hanji-"

"I know," she replied. "Remember when you wiped something on my back?"

"Yeah?" Levi asked.

Meanwhile, the quacking intensified.

"It was duck food," Hanji answered. "We now smell like duck food."

Never once in his life did Levi experience greater disgust than when he was standing in the room with the filthy animals running around in their own feces while smelling like duck food.

"I'm out!" Levi stated as he ran out the door.

"Wait!" Hanji tried to stop him. "They follow!" The next thing anyone knew, all 15 ducks were waddling out the door and down the hallways after Levi.

"It's a frenzy!" Molbit shouted as he and Hanji ran after the ducklings and Levi.

Meanwhile, Erwin was making his way down the hallway when he heard an angry quacking mob led by Levi.

"Oh hey, Levi!" Erwin greeted.

"Shut up! I'm being attacked right now!" Levi shouted back. After a few more paces he shouted back an irritated "Happy birthday!"

Then, after the mob passed, Hanji and Molbit appeared and waved at Erwin. "Happy birthday!"

"Thank... You?" Erwin said, quite confused by the situation.

"And are you deathly afraid of ducks?" Hanji asked.

"No-"

"I knew it!" Hanji shouted. "Be right back! Let me get you one! Oh, Sir Quackers!" She, once again, began to run after the waddling birds.

"That won't be necessary," Erwin said, but Hanji was too preoccupied with gathering the ducklings to notice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AN: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO FREAKING COMMANDER HANDSOME!!!

(Cuz he's too hot)

((Hot damn))