Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 757 to 956

Entry 926: Wednesday 10th April 2019

Entry 926
Wednesday 10th April 2019

I do NOT believe where we've ended up or what we've ended up doing! God knows how this mess is going to turn out!

The day started early in the morning around 7am when Trudy, Richard and I woke up woke up with a jolt. The three of us had fallen asleep, although God knows how, what with the jet throwing the three of us left, right and centre, and we were now suddenly awakened with the jet making a deep rumbling sound. "What's that sound?" said Richard. "I think it's my arse," said Trudy, yawning and stretching, "I don't do well on planes." "It's not your arse, you silly cow," I said, "We're coming into land." "Land?" said Richard, "Well, where are we?" I looked at my watch. "It's 7am," I said, "We left Cowes at 3pm yesterday. We flew for three hours and then landed at some base around 6pm where Tara got some supplies, remember? We stayed there for about five hours; Tara was probably getting some sleep and tending to her wounds and then we left that place around 11pm, so we've been flying for eight hours... We could be anywhere." "Well a fat lot of f*cking good that is," snapped Trudy, "We could be anywhere. Thanks Captain Obvious. What other useful insights have you got for us? The sky is blue and the clouds are white? Silly sod." "I'm trying to figure out where we might be," I said. "Well, doing a sh*t load of maths isn't going to help is it, d*ckhead?" snapped Trudy. "Oh God," I said, "I'm forgetting about the time delay. My watch says seven but wherever we are it could 8am or 9am?" "Well your watch is cr*p then isn't it?" said Trudy. "How is my watch cr*p?" I said. "Well, it's not working is it?" said Trudy, "If it's 10am here and your watch thinks it's 7am, then it's like your Mum on a Saturday night; well and truly f*cked." "Are you thick or something?" I said, "It's called a time delay. The time is England isn't the same as the time in Australia." "Oh God, you don't think we're in Australia, do you?" said Richard, "I don't do well with the heat." "Hang on," said Trudy, "You're telling me that the time in Australia is different to the time in England?" "Of course, I am," I snapped, "How can you not know that? Australia is about nine hours ahead of England. Bl**dy idiot." "Look, don't have a go at me," snapped Trudy, "It's not my fault the frigging Ozzy's all have fast clocks."

All of a sudden, the back of the jet slowly started to open and the ramp started to descend. "Sh*t," I gasped, "That'll be Tara." "We need to hide," said Richard as he clambered back into his wooden create and covered himself in straw. "F*cking pussy," said Trudy, "I'm not going to hide. I'm going to kill that b*tch." "No," I firmly said, "Trudy, we need her to get back home." "She might not be flying be back home," said Trudy. The ramp continued to lower, so Trudy and I quickly hid behind a load of boxes that were piled high. As we listened to the back of the jet opening and the ramp lowering, I saw Trudy scanning the area. She saw a small fire extinguisher attached to the inside of the plane, stepped forward, unattached it and armed herself with it. "What are you doing?" I whispered. "I'm going to knock that f*cker over the head with this," whispered Trudy, "And then when she wakes up, I'm going to kick her so hard in the f*nny her Mum will be able to taste it!"

A few moments later, the ramp had finished lowering, the back of the jet was open and Trudy and I froze and remained silent as we heard footsteps making their way up the ramp. I tried to stay as quiet as I could as the footsteps became louder and my heartbeat faster. With her back towards us, Tara appeared in mine and Trudy's eyesight, and she started to rummage through one of the plastic containers. With a determined look on her face and armed with the fire extinguisher, Trudy stepped forward, but unfortunately her movement attracted the attention of Tara. She quickly turned around, and the second she locked eye contact with Trudy and I, Trudy swung the fire extinguisher around and whacked Tara in the face with it, sending her flying across the storage area and landing in an unconscious heap on the floor. Richard emerged from his hiding place and the three of us gathered around an unconscious Tara. "Jesus, Trudy," I said, "What the Hell have you done?" "Oh, chill out Nanna," said Trudy, "God. Haven't you ever knocked anyone out with a fire extinguisher before?" "No," I snapped, "Believe it or not, it's not an every-day occurrence for me. I suppose we mix in different circles." "What do we do with her now?" asked Richard. "Wake her up and beg her to fly us back to The Isle of Wight," I said. "I'm not begging her for anything," said Trudy. "What if she's dead?" said Richard. I knelt down and checked Tara's pulse. "She's alive," I said, "She's just unconscious." "What do we do now then?" asked Richard. "Wait for her to wake up and then kill her," snapped Trudy as she bent down and picked up Tara's backpack which contained the E-Virus. "No," I said, "Let's tie her up and leave her in here. We can see where we are and then think this over and come up with a plan." "Yeah, OK," said a reluctant Trudy, "But I'm definitely coming back here and giving this b*tch a good going over." "Fine. Whatever," I said, "But it can wait. Now let's just tie her up and find out where we are."