Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 757 to 956

Entry 881: Sunday 24th February 2019

Entry 881
Sunday 24th February 2019

Today was basically filled with grovelling apologies.

Kyle is STILL avoiding me and is refusing to talk to me.

I spoke to Roz. She's still in a mood with me but then again that's nothing new. I've apologised and grovelled enough to get her to be less p*ssed off with me.

She told me that she'd spoken to Kyle. Apparently, he told her he hates me, that I'm a moron and that he has no idea who Kevin the teenager is. I don't know what's worse; having a son who hates me and thinks I'm a moron, or feeling so incredibly old because my son doesn't know who Kevin the Teenager is. Harry Enfield will be spinning in his grave; if he's dead – which he probably is.

Later on, I went to see Sci-Fi Cyn. When I knocked on the door, she opened it with the chain still on, creating a crack between the door and the door frame. "Who is it"? she said. "It's me, Luke," I said, "Can I come in?" "The Wriggly Worm wants to come into Mamma Bear's lair?" said Sci-Fi Cyn, "No one comes into Mamma Bear's secret lair." "It's hardly a secret is it?" I said, "I've just walked round here and knocked on the door." "Go away," said Sci-Fi Cyn. "Hang on a minute," I said, "I've come round here to apologise. Are you going to make me talk to you through the crack in the door?" "Well you're not coming in," said Sci-Fi Cyn. "Fine," I said, giving a depressing sigh, "OK. Well I'm sorry." "Heartfelt," said Sci-Fi Cyn. "Well you won't let me in," I exclaimed, "I can't exactly give you a sincere heartfelt apology through a crack in a door, can I?" "Yes, you can," said Sci-Fi Cyn, "Get grovelling." "Cyn," I said, looking left and right down the corridor, "Anyone could walk past here at any second. Will you please just accept my apology." "Get on your knees and beg," said Sci-Fi Cyn. "Oh, get lost," I said, "You're taking the p*ss now." "No," said a firm Sci-Fi Cyn, "You took the p*ss yesterday when you spoke to me like some sort of abnormal freak and embarrassed me in front of everyone, and told them about my prison sentence. What was it you called me? A sci-fi weirdo?" "Cyn, I'm really sorry," I said, "I just didn't think. I didn't mean all that sh*t I said." "Get on you knees, apologise and beg for mercy, and THEN I'll consider forgiving you." I gave a deep sigh, got on my knees, looked down the corridor to make sure no one was coming, and then looked up at Sci-Fi Cyn through the crack in the door. "Cyn," I said, "I really am sorry." "What for?" asked Sci-Fi Cyn. "Tell me why you're sorry," she said, "Be specific. Give details." I again gave another sigh. "I'm sorry for calling you a sci-fi weirdo," I said, "And for telling everyone that you spent time in prison." "And for saying I need help?" said Sci-Fi Cyn. "Yes," I said. "And for saying I shouldn't have been released from prison?" said Sci-Fi Cyn. "Yes," I snapped. "And for ridiculing me for liking sci-fi collectables and for forbidding you from entering my lair." "Yes, yes, yes," I snapped, "All that." "Well say it then," said Sci-Fi Cyn. "What?" I said. "Say you're sorry for all that too," said Sci-Fi Cyn. "God, fine," I snapped, "I'm sorry for saying you needed help, I'm sorry for saying you shouldn't have been released from prison, I'm sorry for taking the p*ss out of you for liking sci-fi stuff and not letting us in your flat... Err... I mean, lair." I started to stand up. "I didn't say you could stand up," said Sci-Fi Cyn. "Oh, come on," I said, getting back to my knees, "You said you'd forgive me if I said sorry." "I said I'd CONSIDER it," said Sci-Fi Cyn, "And I have assessed the quality of your apology and considered forgiving you, and I've decided I'm not going to." "Oh Cyn..." I said, "I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I was a complete tw*t and I really do mean it when I'm sorry." There was a pause. Sci-Fi Cyn gave me a suspicious look. "It doesn't sound very sincere," she said. "What will?" I bluntly asked. "Singing me a song with the word 'sorry' in it," said Sci-Fi Cyn. "Oh, you can p*ss off," I said, "Now you're just making a mug out of me." "No!" Sci-Fi Cyn snapped, raising her voice slightly and introducing a hint of anger to her tone, "I'm teaching you that your actions have consequences. Perhaps you should remember that not only did I help you out when you were living in the supermarket, guide you through Southampton a few weeks ago when you were in trouble and turn up in a helicopter to rescue you and the others, but I also convinced Blade to bring you and the whole of Sector F here. The reason you're not still stuck on the mainland all abandoned is because of me. Now I don't expect to be worshipped or to have the red carpet, but I don't expect to end up being called a sci-fi weirdo and to have my secrets blurted out in front of everyone. So, get on your knees and sing me a f*cking song." I felt completely told off and I hate to say it but Sci-Fi Cyn made an excellent point. I now felt like a proper sh*tty friend. I dropped to my knees and looked up at Sci-Fi Cyn. "You're right," I said, "I'm really sorry. What do you want me to sing?" "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word, 1976," Sci-Fi Cyn quickly said. "Oh," I said, "Well, I don't really know the words." "Well I suggest you learn them," said Sci-Fi Cyn, "Because if you're not back here in a few days ready to spit the lyrics from Elton John's finest, I am never going to speak to you again." Sci-Fi Cyn shut the door. I gave another tiring sigh as I stood up. The door opened a crack again and Sci-Fi Cyn peered through the gap. "I want a Hello Kitty helium balloon that says sorry on it too," she said. She then shut the door and I could hear her locking it from inside with what sounded like a lot of different locking mechanisms. God knows where I am going to get a f*cking Hello Kitty Sorry helium balloon!

On my way back to mine I popped into Sainsbury's to see Mike who was working security. He was a lot easier to make up with then Roz and Sci-Fi Cyn. "Hi Mike," I said as I gave him a warm smile. "Alright," he said as he lowered his head and adopted a sulking expression. "Fancy going for a paddle in the sea?" I asked. "Yeah!" Mike said with a big smile and excitement plastered across his face, "I finish work in two minutes, we can go now." On the way to the beach I said sorry to Mike and he told me to forget it. He was just happy to be spending time with me paddling in the sea. I wish Roz and Sci-Fi Cyn were this easy to please.

Thankfully the cream the Doctor gave me for my burns is helping, and the bruise on my nose is slowly getting better. My cheek is still swollen but hopeful it will go down in a day or two.

I still need to do something about Kyle but I don't know what. I need to see Auntie Meryl tomorrow. I think I'll take Leo to see her. Hopefully I'll manage to find out what the words to 'Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word To Say' are and find a Hello Kitty Sorry balloon...