Entry 767
Friday 2nd November 2018I'm STILL ill.
I'm not as bad as I was yesterday but I'm still in bed feeling pretty cr*p.
I haven't seen Ash today. I guess the stroppy git is still in a mood with me. I can't believe he's Naomi's brother!
Mum's been coming up and giving me Lemsip today. "Here you go, sausage" she said, putting a mug of coffee on my bedside table. "A nice cup of coffee." "Why have you got my coffee?" I asked. "It's a hot drink," said Mum, "You need fluids inside you. I had some fluids inside me last night if you know what I mean." "OK," I bluntly said, "First of all EEEW, I don't want to know that, and second of all, I have never liked coffee. I drink tea." "You know I like my men how I like my coffee," said Mum. "What? Always have one by your bed?" I sarcastically said. "No," said Mum, with a naughty chuckle, "Black or white; the colour isn't important. As long as it's strong, hot and can make my lips wet just by looking at it. And I don't mean the lips on my face." "Oh my God!" I loudly exclaimed, "Why are you telling me this? I don't want to know. Just get me some Lemsip and leave me alone." "Yeah, that's right," said Mum, "Bark your orders at me. Click your fingers and expect me to jump. It's bad enough you're laid up here whilst I'm downstairs with that sh*t machine." "That's not a nice way of describing Ash," I said. "Look, I've just come up here to look after you and make conversation with you" said Mum. "A, you have never been motherly and maternal with me," I said, "So it's a bit late to start now and B, if you're going to make conversation can you please limit it to subjects like the weather rather than subjects relating to your f*nny." "Ash has told me you want to go to the mainland when you're feeling better," Mum said. "Yeah," I said, wiping the snot from my nostrils, "I'm going to find Kyle." There was an awkward pause as Mum looked like she wanted to say something but didn't know how. "OK," I said, rolling my eyes, "I can tell you want to say something. Come on, get it off your chest. What is it?" "Well come on," said Mum, "I mean, do you really think it's a good idea. You've got no idea where he is. I know the thought of your son being out there somewhere and not knowing where he is, is a lot to take in, but you can't go searching the entire country for him." "Why not?" I bluntly asked. "Well it's not safe for a start." said Mum. "You're forgetting," I said, "I was out there for months when it wasn't safe. I was killing infected and doing whatever I needed to do to survive." "Yes, OK," said Mum, "But where will you start looking?" "I don't know," I said, "Near where The Base was, I suppose," I said, "Auntie Meryl said I should focus on the possibility that Kyle might be alive rather than the possibility that he might be dead." "What the Hell are you taking advice from that demented old coot for?" exclaimed Mum, "She's a b*llock short of a full sack. She still thinks Winston Churchill is Prime Minister. Don't listen to her, listen to me." "Listen to you!?" I exclaimed, "Are you serious? You buggered off when I was 18 and I didn't see you in years, and when I did, you shag TJ and tell me graphic details of your sex life and try to embarrass me and make me feel like sh*t. Now you might be able to abandon your son and not give a toss, but I can't." "Now you're bang out of order there!" snapped Mum in an angry tone and with a very displeased expression on her face, "If it wasn't for me you wouldn't be here right now. We never thought there would be an outbreak but when it happened; me, Ash, Anne, Dave, Laura and Andy got together and thought about our loved ones: you lot. With Harold's backing, Goyle had to do as we said. That's when we decided to withhold the codes until you lot were safe. That's when Geoff was sent to get you all to The Base. We all risked our lives to get you all to safety. Me, Ash and Harold are the only ones, and Harold is in prison. A bit of gratitude wouldn't go a miss young man. Yes, I know I wasn't mother of the year but that doesn't mean it's OK for you to behave like tw*t of the year now." Mum got up and walked towards the bedroom door. She then stopped, turned around and gave me a serious look. "You're p*ssed off with me because I wasn't there," she said, "Fine, but don't do to Leo, what I did to you." Mum then left and her departing words really had an impact on me.
I don't want to leave Leo and be an absent parent like Mum was to me, but at the same time I can't just do nothing whilst Kyle could be out there somewhere. Oh, I'm feeling more confused now than I was before. Everyone is giving me their opinion and it's making me feel uncertain on what to do. Hopefully, if I'm feeling better tomorrow I can speak to Naomi. Maybe have another chat with Blade and make a decision.

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