Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 757 to 956

Entry 771: Tuesday 6th November 2018

Entry 771
Tuesday 6th November 2018

It's been a bit of an emotional roller-coaster today. I apologised to Mike which resulted in an over emotional reconciliation and I also got inside Mia's flat to speak to her, which resulted in a tense and unexpected confrontation.

I went around to TJ and Mike's. I knocked on the door and Mike answered. From the tense and anxious look on his face he clearly wasn't expecting me. I gave him a gentle smile. "Hiya," I said, "Can I come in?" Mike looked a little uncertain but he nodded his head and opened the door. I walked in and entered the living room. TJ was sat on the sofa. "Alright Nana," said TJ, "How's it going? Come around to beat up our Mike with some more bread." "I've actually come around to say sorry," I said. "Ah, well I accept your apology," said TJ. "I haven't come to say sorry to you d*ckhead," I said. "Yeah, well I accept your apology anywhere," said TJ. I turned to Mike who looked slightly uncomfortable. "Mike," I gently said, "I'm really sorry. I went to see Harold yesterday. He told me everything." "What did you go to see Dr Frankenstein for?" asked TJ, "He's mental." "I went to see him to try and get information on Tara," I said. "What for?" asked TJ, "Any chance you had of poking her in her pork purse has long gone." "God, you're an idiot," I snapped, "I didn't see him because I wanted to shag Tara." "Good job," said TJ, "Your days of jumping on the gash are well and truly behind you." "I went to see Harold to see if he could tell me anything about where Tara might be and what she might have done with Kyle," I said. "What did he say?" asked Mike. "He said that he gave Tara the real virus because she held him at gunpoint and that she could be anywhere in the world trying to sell it," I said, "He said she's probably killed Kyle and that even if she hasn't there's no way of knowing where they are." "What the f*ck would Dr Evil know about all this sh*t?" asked TJ. "Well, when he dragged Trudy down to his underground base, Tara was there with Kyle," I said, "Kyle had a bullet wound in his arm, Tara grabbed the virus – the real virus and then she left. Mike, I'm sorry I didn't believe you." "So, Mike's word isn't good enough on its own but when it's backed up by mad Doc Brown you suddenly believe him?" said TJ, "Sounds a bit offensive to me." "You're just sh*t stirring," I said, "Anyway, I'm not going to take advice about what is and isn't offensive from someone who refers to women as gash." "What else did the mad professor have to say?" asked TJ. "Well he said some weird creepy stuff about the Island not being what I think and that someday Mia's going to go back to the prison and free him." "Well he sounds like he's lost the plot," said TJ, "Not that he ever had it. Nana, you can't believe a word that comes out of that guy's mouth." "Hmm, coming from the guy who reckons he's shagged every famous female celebrity in Hollywood," I said, "That's a bit rich." "It's true," said TJ, "I used to meet up with Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Alba and Angelina Jolie on a weekly basis and shag seven shades of sh*t out of them. We had a right gash bash. Dirty b*tches." "God, you're so full of sh*t," I said. "It's true," said TJ, "It's not my fault your shrivelled up little nob hasn't seen any minge since Abba were at number one." "Look," I firmly said, "Harold wants me to go see Mia and make sure she's OK," I said, "She's not in a good place." "Yeah, I've heard Ryde is a sh*thole," said TJ. "I mean she's not in a good place emotionally," I said, "He wanted me to give her some sort of coded message, but he can f*ck off." "What sort of code?" asked TJ. "Oh, it doesn't matter," I said. I then turned to Mike and put my hand on his shoulder. "I'm really sorry," I said, "I said some pretty horrible things. I should have believed you. You've always had my back." There was a short pause. I looked at Mike and waited for him to respond. His expression of anxious uncertainty slowly changed to one of extreme elation. "Oh, I've missed you so much!" Mike loudly and excitedly exclaimed. He then wrapped his arms around me, tightly grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug ever. As usual, it was far too tight and if he'd have carried on for much longer, I think he'd have stopped my circulation. "Mike... I can't breathe," I said. Mike released me and took a step back. "Oh, I really have missed you," said Mike, as a single tear ran down his cheek, "It's been horrible." "Hey, come on," I said, "There's no need to cry. It's all OK. I'm just glad you've forgiven me OK." "Jesus Christ," said TJ, "You'll be tossing each other off next." Mike grabbed me again and gave me another huge, pulse stopping hug. "Mike!" I loudly said, "You're doing it again. Not so tight." Mike's grip loosened and I could feel something down below that was hard, poking into me. I adopted a very stern expression. "Mike," I firmly said, "I can feel something prodding me down below." "Oh, that's just my big nob." said Mike. "What!?" I exclaimed, taking a step back. "Well every time I touch it, I think it's going to drop off," said Mike. "Excuse me?" I exclaimed. Mike reached into his pocket and pulled out a doorknob. "It keeps falling off my bedroom door," said Mike, "I need to fix it. Oh, I'm so excited we're friends again." Mike attempted to give me another hug but I took a step back. "Yeah, OK," I said, "Please don't hug me again. I'm not sure my heart can take another big bear hug." "Alright Muke," said TJ, "Knock it off now." "Muke?" I said. "Yeah," said TJ, "It's a cross between Mike and Luke." "Wouldn't LIKE, be better?" I asked. "Oooow, I like LIKE," said Mike. "Come on," said TJ, "Let's go see Mia then and see if she's OK." "Come on then Ross and Rachel," said TJ, "Let's go see Legally Blonde and make sure she's OK." "You're not coming," I bluntly said to TJ, "We need a sympathetic ear." "Yeah, one that's not filled with wax like yours is you big tramp," said TJ. I decided not to get into another argument with TJ and instead decided to manage him as best as I could.