Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 757 to 956

Entry 830: Friday 4th January 2019

Entry 830
Friday 4th January 2019

I never knew that facilitating a kid's birthday party would be so much hard work. I've only just finished tidying up all the mess.

The day went really well but Seth overheard a conversation between a few of us, and I think he might have got the wrong end of the stick.

Most people were in the front room playing with the kids. I saw Mum and TJ standing near the kitchen door getting a bit of a fresh air. I looked over at them and gave them a rather disapproving look. "Oh sausage," said Mum, "Don't look at us like that. We're only talking." "As long as that's all you're doing," I firmly said, "This is a kid's party remember." "Actually Nanna, we were talking about you," said TJ. "Oh yeah?" I said, walking over to the pair of them. "Yeah," said TJ, "Your Mum's been telling me about what happened when you were in that garage... First of all, you saw Naomi in the shower, then she was rolling around on top of you, and then you got her in the garage and she was rolling around on top of you then. You dirty dog." "Oh, TJ shut up," I said. "Well that's what happened isn't it?" said TJ. "Yes," I bluntly said, "OK, that is what happened." I heard a cough from behind me and turned around to see Seth stood in the kitchen doorway. "I was just looking for a corkscrew," he gently said, "Bu it's OK. Don't worry about it." Seth turned around and quickly exited the kitchen. "Oh God," I said, as the stark realisation of what Seth heard suddenly dawned on me. "What?" asked TJ. "He just heard you say all that!" I snapped. "So?" said TJ, shrugging his shoulders. "So, it sounded like you were talking about Naomi – our Naomi – his partner Naomi, not Naomi Jayne! Oh God!" I was about to turn around and go running after Seth but that's when Naomi walked into the kitchen. "Is everything OK"? she asked, "Seth just walked out of here with a face like thunder?" Naomi saw Mum, TJ and I exchange awkward looks. "What?" she sternly said with a serious expression on her face, "What's happened?" Naomi took a step closer to us and gave me a frustrated glance. "What have you done?" she asked. "Me!?" I loudly exclaimed, "I haven't done anything. It's this useless tw*t," I snapped, pointing at TJ. "Oi, all I've done is speak the truth," said TJ, "Which you Nanna, confirmed." "You're such a thoughtless arsehole!" I snapped, "I don't want you coming on my boat trip tomorrow." "YOUR boat trip!?" exclaimed TJ, "It's not YOUR boat trip. If I want to go then I'll f*cking go." "No, you won't," I snapped, "Blade invited me. I get to decide who goes and you don't.", "As if I give a toss," said TJ, shrugging his shoulders, "Who wants to go on your big gay boat trip anyway!?" "Well, you did a minute ago," I said. "Will someone please tell me what's going on!?" Naomi firmly snapped. "Well when Luke was trapped in the garage there was some awkward moments between him and Naomi Jayne," said Mum, "The woman who got killed." "What sort of awkward moments?" asked Naomi. "Watching her in the shower, rolling around naked with her in the bathroom, and in her garage," said TJ. "We were just talking about it," said Mum, "And I think Seth might have got the wrong end of the stick and thought Luke was in a compromising position with you, rather than Naomi Jayne." "Are you kidding me?" Naomi bluntly said, "Oh God, that's why he just stormed out. Oh God! He saw us yesterday in the garage! Oh God!" "Hang on," said TJ, "Did you two actually get down and dirty in Naomi's dirty garage – and I don't mean the place where you park the car." "He's going to think we're having an affair isn't he?" exclaimed Naomi, "Well thanks Luke – thanks a lot!" "Oi, I haven't done anything," I said. Naomi then stormed off leaving me feeling utterly exasperated. "Another fine mess you got yourself into eh Nana?" said TJ. I frowned, turned around and gave TJ a firm push in the chest causing him to stumble back and slightly and bang into the kitchen door. "Luke, calm down," said Mum, stepping between me and TJ. "Yeah that's right Nanna," said TJ with a big smug on your face, "Calm down. Do as your Mummy says. You know, your scrummy yummy mummy who likes a bit of bummy." I threw myself at TJ but Mum extended her arms in an attempt to keep us apart." "You never know when to keep your trap shut do you!?" I aggressively snapped, "She thinks it's my fault Seth's gone off in a mood where really it's your fault. You and your f*cking big mouth!" "Take a f*cking chill pill Nanna," said TJ, "What are you getting so angry about? It's not like Naomi's ever going to shag you anyway is it?" "F*CK OFF!" I loudly snapped at TJ as I tried to swing for him. "Luke, stop it," said Mum. "This is why Mike prefers me to you," I snapped. "Oh f*ck off," said TJ, "Like I care about your freaky weird relationship. You just don't like hearing the truth, do you? You've been nursing a semi for Naomi for years," said TJ, "But there's more chance of me sh*tting mars bars than there is of her looking twice at you." "F*CK. OFF!" I loudly said, again, trying to throw a punch at TJ. By this point some of the others had gathered in the kitchen doorway. "What's going on?" asked Roz, "The kids can hear you." "Don't worry Ellen," said TJ, "I'm going." "Good," I snapped, "And don't think you're coming on the boat trip tomorrow." "Oh no," said TJ, in a sarcastic tone as he walked towards the kitchen door, "What am I going to do? Nanna isn't going to let me go on his big gay boat trip... Like I give a toss! Enjoy your little cruise Captain F*ck." TJ then left, leaving me feeling rather irritated. "You two are like a couple of kids," said Roz, "What was that all about?" "Nothing," I snapped, "Just TJ being a d*ck, as usual." "He wasn't the one swearing loudly," said Roz. I stormed off upstairs and calmed myself down. TJ can be such a knob sometimes. I really wish I didn't let him get to me and push my buttons like he does. Anyway, he's not coming on the boat trip tomorrow, so he'd better not show up because if he does, I'll tell him to f*ck. Right. Off.

Blade turned up to Leo's party today. I wasn't expecting that. He got him some toy robot thingy. It was quite nice of him really. I know we've had our ups and downs but I'm really starting to think he's making an effort and that he's genuine. He asked me if I was looking forward to the boat trip and I said I was. He said there would be two-armed GRID soldiers on board to keep us safe, and that an old captain who's steered ships for years is going to be steering the boat. "You won't be getting too close to the mainland," said Blade, "We obviously don't want to risk your safety, but you'll get close enough to see Southampton." "Yeah well it's a really nice gesture," I said, "So thanks for sorting it out, although do we really need any GRID soldiers to come with us?" "Sorry, Luke," said Blade, "I'm responsible for your safety, I'm not letting anyone leave this island without being under GRID protection. You don't need to worry. You won't even know they're there, and in the unlikely event that you do get into any trouble, my staff will be there to deal with it. I've got teams going out to the mainland two or three times a week looking for survivors. We know what we're doing you know?" "Yeah, OK," I said, "Out of interest, have you found any survivors?" "Not for a while," said Blade, "You and your lot are the last lot of new people who we brought to the island. I'm starting to think that maybe we should stop looking." "Well, I'm just glad we all get to go out to sea and enjoy the fresh air," I said, "I know we haven't always seen eye to eye but like I say; I appreciate the gesture."

Apart from mine and TJ's heated confrontation today, Leo's party went well. I hope Naomi isn't in too much of a mood with me. It's not my bl**dy fault TJ opened his big mouth and that Seth got the wrong end of the stick. Anyway, let's see what tomorrow brings. I am REALLY looking forward to this boat ride.