Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 757 to 956

Entry 787: Thursday 22nd November 2018

Entry 787
Thursday 22nd November 2018

What a day! An awkward conversation with Catherine, a roasting from TJ and ANOTHER embarrassing situation at work with Katie and that f*cking dog!

I didn't sleep very well last night. Apart from being worried about Mum's whereabouts and Blade's reaction to me telling him about her, I couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of Catherine being pregnant with my kid. I just laid in bed and kept thinking that I could not have another kid.

When I got to work, some of the staff were giving me weird looks, probably due to the fact that I threw an already disabled dog from one side of the supermarket to the other causing to have a massive sh*t explosion on to a woman in a wheel chair who proceeded to wheel over the dog and break it's leg. "Don't worry, babes," Mike said to me, "I know they're all looking at you like you're a bit of an oddball but no one will say anything to you. I'll snapped their legs in half if they even think about saying something to you." I told Mike that I needed to speak to Catherine, so I left the shop floor and made my way to her office. The door was open and she was sat behind her desk doing some paperwork. I knocked on the door, gave Catherine a rather nervous but hopeful look and she responded by giving me her usual death stare. "Morning," I said, "Err... Can I... Err... Have a word?" Catherine maintained her stony stare for a few seconds but it felt like ages. There was a moment where I wasn't sure what was going on. She didn't move and maintained her solid and intimidating expression. Is she dead? I thought to myself. Catherine eventually nodded and pointed to the chair, signalling that I should take a seat. Feeling relieved that I was about to express my concern, I shut the office door and quickly sat down in the swivel chair. "Right," I said, "I know you don't want to talk about this and I'm really sorry, I don't want to make you feel awkward, which is weird considering you had me bent over your desk the other day, sticking stuff up my arse. What did you stick up my arse by the way? You know what? It doesn't matter. I'm digressing. Like I say, I know you don't want to talk about... You know... What happened, but I need to know... Well... We didn't... You know... Take precautions. I mean, I'm not saying you've got an STI and that you've given it to me or anything like that. I don't think you're riddled with anything. I'm sure you're not the sort of person who has lots of sex with strangers. Not that there's anything wrong with that. You're an adult. You can do what you want. Well... Within reason of course. Having sex with kids would be weird. Well, it would be illegal wouldn't it? I'm not saying you're a peado or anything. God no. I don't think you're a peado. I'm just saying that I don't think you're some sort of slag. I'm sure you always take precautions. Mind you, we didn't take precautions the other day, did we? Not that that means you're a slag. Oh God, what am I trying to say? Oh, I'm getting all tongue tied. Look, it's about contraception. We didn't use condoms and I've already got a baby, and I don't want another one. I'm not saying it's all your fault we didn't use a condom. I mean, I know I was there too so I take some of the responsibility, but every time I tried to say something you shoved your foot in my mouth. Not that I'm complaining. It's just that there wasn't really the opportunity to speak much. I just don't really want to have another baby. I've got my hands full with the one I have and to be honest I'm not very good at that. I guess what I'm trying to ask is if you took any contraception? You know. The morning after pill? That sort of thing? Are you fitted with a coil? Actually, how old are you, cos I suppose if you're a woman of a certain age there's not much chance of you getting pregnant. Not that I'm saying you're old! God no. If I had to guess, I'd say you were in your twenties or something, but I guess young people can look old and old people can look young. Not that I'm saying you look old." I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. I was rambling like an idiot and Catherine just sat opposite me not moving and maintaining a serious and unimpressed expression. "Oh God," I said, rambling, "Just please don't be pregnant, please don't be pregnant, please don't be pregnant, please don't be pregnant. I..." "Luke, I am not pregnant," Catherine bluntly said, interrupting me, "I am not going to give you details but there is no chance of me becoming pregnant. That is a guarantee." I instantly felt relieved, but Catherine didn't give me any further reassurance. She just sat on her side of the desk looking like the ice queen, throwing me a seriously unimpressed look. "I don't think my husband would be impressed if I became pregnant," said Catherine. "You're married!?" I exclaimed. This was a shocker. "Yes," said a firm Catherine, "But it's complicated." "What do you mean?" I asked. I didn't want to know the ins and outs of Catherine's private life; I just wanted to know if there was any chance of her husband turning up and knocking me out. I think Catherine could see the fear in my face. "Don't worry Luke," said Catherine, "There's no chance of him finding out what we've been up too. Not that he's in a position to do anything about it." "What do you mean?" I asked. "He... Well... he left me a while ago. He's somewhere on the Island probably, but I don't know where." "You mean he's missing?" I asked. "Yes, I suppose he is," said Catherine. My interest piqued. "Well my Mum's been missing for a while," I said, "I tried to talk to Jon Blade about it yesterday but his reaction was weird. Like, he knew something he didn't want to tell me. Maybe me and you can see him together and I can tell him more about Mum and you can tell him more about your husband. Maybe other people are going missing." "Luke, just get back to work," said a firm Catherine. "Yeah," I said, "But if we both go to see Blade, we..." "Get back to work," Catherine firmly said. I did as I was told. Catherine's a hard-faced cow. A bit like Esther. She obviously doesn't like people seeing her vulnerable side; although it's nice to see she has one and that she isn't just a rough S&M Dominatrix.