Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 757 to 956

Entry 825: Sunday 30th December 2018

Entry 825
Sunday 30th December 2018

A few of us took Mia to Sails Café today and treated her to afternoon tea. I have a short sharp kitchen knife concealed on my person, and that's the weapon that's going to stay with me. It will come in very handy if I'm suddenly faced with an infected. I don't know what weapons the others are concealing but as long as they remain discreet, I don't care.

I arrived at Sails and saw Trudy, Naomi and Seth sat at a table drinking tea. "Where's everyone else?" I asked. "I think they're all on their way," said Seth. "OK," I said, as I walked towards the counter, "I'll get us some more tea. Where's Mia?" "Toilet," said Trudy. "OK," I said, "Do you know what she's having?" "Well she's been gone about ten minutes, so she's probably having a sh*t," said Trudy. "I mean what is she having to drink?" I bluntly asked, "Tea or coffee?" Mia then appeared, told me she wanted tea and then joined the others.

We spent a while having a good chat and enjoying each other's company until the subject changed to what happened yesterday. "That Blade's an arrogant pr*ck," said Trudy, "You should have seen how he spoke to me yesterday." "Well he is good at his job," said Naomi. "Oh, come on Nicola," said Trudy, "You've got to say that. You're shacked up with one of his staff." "I am allowed my own opinion Trudy," said Naomi. "Commander Blade might be my boss," said Seth, "But that doesn't mean I agree with all of his decisions." "Oh, so do you think we should all have weapons?" asked Trudy. "Well I didn't say that," said Seth. "So, what do you think then?" asked Trudy. "I think that as an employee of GRID I need to follow orders," said Seth. "Bl**dy useless," said Trudy, "If you keep sitting on the fence any longer, you'll get splinters in your arse." "Give it a rest Trudy," said Naomi, "Seth has got a job to do." "Doesn't matter anyway does it?" said Trudy, "I've got a..." I kicked Trudy under the table and gave her a stern stare indicating that she should shut the f*ck up. She was about to tell Seth that she was carrying a weapon. "You've got a what?" asked Seth. Naomi and Mia also gave Trudy a discreet but firm glance. "Err.... A yeast infection," said Trudy, "Yeah, that's right... A yeast infection. My minge f*cking stinks." "OK..." said Seth. Naomi and I gave Trudy a horrified and confusing stare. "Isn't a yeast infection something to do with gone-off bread?" asked Mia. "Anyway," I said, quickly changing the subject, and doing my best to avoid the fact that many of us sat around the table were concealing weapons, "Let's talk about something Mia wants to talk about. We're here to support her, aren't we?"

At that point I saw Mike out of the corner of my eye approaching the café. He had something large and strange looking in his arms that looked like some sort of make-shift weapon. "Just give me a minute," I said. I got up, left the table, exited the café and quickly approached Mike. "Hiya babes," he said. I noticed that Mike had a large garden fork that was fused to the bottom of a long-handled fire axe. "Mike, what the Hell is that!?" I exclaimed. "It's my new weapon," said Mike, with a big grin on his face, "I made it myself. Cool isn't it? A fire axe and a garden fork. Both ends can cause some damage." "Are you off your head?" I exclaimed, "Blade will hit the roof if he sees you with that. What are you thinking?" "We agreed to have weapons," said Mike. "DISCREET weapons!" I exclaimed. "This is discreet," said Mike, "It's a fire axe and a garden fork. If anyone says anything, I can say that I'm on way to chop up some wood and do a bit of gardening. No biggie." "No biggie!?" I exclaimed, "You're walking around like some sort of apocalyptic warrior." "Cool," said Mike with a big grin. "No, not cool, I bluntly said, "A discreet weapon is something like a small knife or a pair of scissors, not a massive f*ck off garden fork stuck to a big fire axe. Get rid of it – quickly and find something more discreet; something smaller!"

A disappointed Mike discarded his home-made weapon and joined us in the café. "What have you two been doing?" asked Seth, "You've both got a guilty look on your faces. What have you been up to?" "Err... Well... We... Err... We were...." I said, desperately thinking of something to say. "Kissing!" Mike loudly said. "Kissing?" said Seth. I turned and gave Mike a very confused look. "Kissing?" I exclaimed in frustration and disbelief. "Yeah, you know," said Mike, "Kissing." Mike suddenly grabbed hold of my head with both hands, pulled my face towards him, planted a huge smacker of a kiss on my lips and then released me. I was horrified and it clearly showed on my face. "Kissing," said Mike. Seth looked confused. "Come on babes," Naomi said to Seth, "There's nothing wrong with kissing." She grabbed hold of him and gave him a similar kiss to the one Mike gave me. "There," said Naomi, trying to normalise the rather odd situation, "Kissing. Nothing wrong with kissing." Out of all the things Mike could have said, God knows why he chose kissing, but on the plus side; Seth stopped asking questions meaning our concealed weapons remained hidden, although Seth isn't stupid. I think he knows we were all hiding something.

We all started talking about Mia and her situation and asked her if she had any ideas on what she was going to do. Her response surprised me. "Well," she said with a strange sense of confidence, "I don't want to go into details but I've got a plan." "A plan?" asked Naomi. "Yes," said Mia nodding, "Like I say, I don't want to go into details, but I know what I'm going to do. None of you need to worry about me." My curiosity was piqued, but Mia said she wasn't going to go into details. She just assured us all that she had the situation in hand, and that we'd all find out how she was going to deal with her situation sooner rather than later. I hope she knows what she's doing...

I need to see Auntie Meryl tomorrow and see how she's getting on with her broken foot. It's New Year's Eve tomorrow. What with all the drama that's been going on I kind of forgot. I will just be glad for this year to be over and I hope to God next year will be an improvement.