Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 757 to 956

Entry 930: Sunday 14th April 2019

Entry 930
Sunday 14th April 2019

Another intense day! I'm currently locked in some sort of cell. I have no idea where I am, how or if I'm going to get out, or where the others are. I'm also still wearing nothing but a pair of trainers and this bloody gold thong!

The day started when I was sat at the little table inside the dingy living room, in the grubby flat at the top of the abandoned building in Giza. I was sat feeling incredibly depressed, still wearing only the gold thong but wrapped in the sheet that I'd slept in. I didn't feel too good. In fact, I felt pretty rough.

Richard appeared, sat opposite me and handed me a bottle of water that was half full. "Where did you get that from?" I said. "Tara got it," I said. "Tara?" I said, "Where did she get it from?" "She went out and came back with it," said Richard, "Please drink it, you don't look well." "What do you mean she went out and came back with it?" I asked, "We're surrounded by infected. We're trapped in here." Tara appeared from the small kitchen area behind the table I was sat at. "You said it yesterday," said Tara, "I'm resourceful." "What are you up to?" I snapped at Tara. "Up to?" aid Tara, "I thought we called a temporary truce. I've been out to get you some water and you respond with suspicion." "Well you can hardly blame me, can you?" I said, "I don't trust you." "I don't trust you either," said Tara, "But we're stuck with each other... For now, anyway." "How did you get this water?" I snapped. "Luke, there's a balcony over there," said Tara, "I simply climbed up on to the roof, jumped over the roof tops and searched some of the other apartments. A few bottles of water, but no food, well... nothing we can eat anyway." "Please drink the water, Luke," said Richard, "You don't look well." "Yeah, you do look a bit peaky," said Tara. "I wonder why that could be?" I sarcastically said, "Maybe it's something to do with being run over, laid in a coma, shot with a dart, kidnapped, roughed up, seeing my kids held hostage, taken hostage myself, forced to lie, seeing my friend get shot, getting kneed in the knackers and kicked in the stomach, being flown to Egypt, and having to lie a to a big gay fat man who sexually molested me and forced me to wear a gold thong before chucking me out into the desert and making me homeless, so is it any wonder I look a bit peaky!" I looked at the bottle of water. "Richard," I said, "It doesn't look very clean. It might not be OK to drink." "It's fine," said Tara, "Not as cold as I'm sure you'd like it, but beggars in gold thongs can't be choosers. It's drinkable Luke, so just drink it."  I twisted the top off the bottle and drank the water. It was rather warm, but it was still good to get some water in me. I gulped down all of the water from the bottle within seconds. Trudy then appeared. She had scrubbed the blood, brains and bits of flesh off her face but as there was no running water, we could still the remnants of blood on her skin. "What's that, you're supping?" she snapped at me. "Water," said Tara. "I wasn't asking you b*tch," snapped Trudy, "Luke, where did you get that from?" "Tara, went out to get us some water," I said. "What do you mean she went out?" snapped Trudy, "We're trapped in here, how can she get out? You make it sound like she just popped out to Tesco?" "She went out on to the balcony, got up on to the roof, looked in some of the other flats and came back with some water." "What are you taking water off her for?" snapped Trudy, "I'd rather squat over a cup and drink my own p*ss than take anything off her. Why is she even still here? Have you two forgotten what she's done." "No," I said, sighing and rolling my eyes, "Of course we haven't, but we went through all this yesterday. We need her." "We don't need sh*t from her," snapped Trudy. "Trudy, she's the only one who can fly a plane," said Richard. "So!?" snapped Trudy, "She's not going to fly us anywhere. Anyway, I'd rather walk back to The Isle of Wight." "That will take you over 800 hours," said Tara, "Probably a lot longer because you don't know the state of the roads out there. "Trudy, we need Tara to fly us back home," I said, "I know it's not an ideal situation. In fact, it's a million miles away from ideal but we've got no choice. Do you want to get back to Primark or not?" "Course I do," snapped Trudy. "But we can't trust her. I hate all this 'We need Tara' sh*t after everything she's done. She'll ditch us the first second she gets, so I say we ditch her." "Trudy, would it help you to know that I need you too?" asked Tara. "What do you mean?" asked Trudy. "I'm talking about how the heads of those infected young men, exploded yesterday as soon as they got close to you," said Tara. "Yeah, what the Hell was that all about anyway?" I said. "How the f*ck should I know?" snapped Trudy. "Look Trudy," said Tara, "I know that most people who get close to you end up with their head exploding as a result of listening to your council house trash talk and below average intelligence blabber, but Endo DID something to you. Now I don't know exactly what he was doing to you when Kyle and I found you in his lair under Sector F, but one of the experiments he conducted on you has clearly resulted in what we saw yesterday. Not only are you immune to bites but Endo's experiments now mean you can be around infected without being in danger." "What you on about?" asked Trudy. "How can you not understand what I'm saying?" said Tara, "I've just explained it as simply as I can." "Have you b*llocks," snapped Trudy, "I need a degree in brain science to understand half of what you say." "She's on about yesterday," I said, "All those heads exploding. When the infected got close to you, their heads blew up and they all died." "What's that got to do with her needing me?" asked Trudy. "Jesus Christ," I said, "Are you really this thick!? It means the four of us can walk outside and not get eaten by infected if we stay close to you, because there's something about you that means the heads of the infected will explode if they get close to you. I know how they f*cking feel." "Well if that's what you think, why didn't we do that yesterday when the infected chased us and we ran in here?" said Trudy. "We panicked," I said, "But we've had time to think now." "So, hang on a minute," Trudy sad to Tara, "You're saying you need me? You need me to get you from A to B so the infected don't kill you?" "Trudy, we all need you," I said. "Well that's a turn up for the books isn't it?" said Trudy, with a big grin on her face, "This b*tch makes our lives Hell, threatens to kill my son, is responsible for my other son being killed, shoots Nicola and now she needs MY help." "Don't flatter yourself you brain dead chav," snapped Tara, "I can get out of this flat and be in another continent before you've even figured out how to open the front door." "Continent?" said Trudy, "What you talking about letters for? Speak English!" "You're thinking of a consonant," I said. "Whatever," said Trudy, "If this b*tch wants my help, she can beg." "I'm not begging anyone for anything!" snapped Tara. "Well you can f*ck off then," snapped Trudy. "Oh, for f*cks sake, stop it!" I loudly snapped, "Jesus Christ, we are stuck in Egypt. We should be working together not shouting at each other, so just knock it off. No one needs to beg anyone for anything. We need to stop arguing and come up with a plan." "Already done," said Tara. She produced a map, opened it out and placed it on the table. "What the frig is that?" said Trudy. "It's a map, Trudy," said Tara, bluntly, "I know you were probably out on some council estate setting fire to cars, whilst boasting that your ASBOs were in double figures when Geography was taking place, but even you must know what a map is." "My ASBOs were NOT in double figures," snapped Trudy, "They were in triple figures." "Of course, they were," said Tara, rolling her eyes. A black circle had been drawn around one little part of the map and a red cross had been drawn on another small part of the map. "Right," said Tara, pointing at the black circle, "That's where we are now. The red cross is Cairo International Airport. If we can get from here to there, there's a chance we might be able to get on a plane and get out of here." "Are you thick or something?" snapped Trudy, "We're in the middle of an apocalypse. We can't just book a flight from Easy Jet and catch a plane back home." "I wasn't suggesting we book a flight in the conventional way you dunce," said Tara, "I am suggesting that we might be able to find a plane that I can fly so we can get out of here." "It looks a long way from here to the airport," I said. "It's about an eight-hour walk," said Tara, "And that's if we manage to avoid any problems." "Maybe we should stay here and wait for help to come," said Richard, "It's too hot out there and I don't really like walking." "You don't really like anything," Trudy bluntly said. "Yeah, but I REALLY don't like walking in the sun," said Richard. "Well you can f*cking stay here," snapped Trudy. "Richard, we can't stay here," I said, "No one has got any idea where we are. We can't just sit here and wait for some sort of help to randomly turn up. That's not how we've survived this far. We've got to try and get back home." "If we stay close to Trudy, the heads of the infected will explode as soon as they get near us." "If you touch me, I'll crack your ribs and knock your teeth down your throat," snapped Trudy. "Hang on, though," I said, "What if that's just a theory?" "A what?" said Trudy. "An idea intended to explain something," I said, rolling my eyes. "Just say IDEA then you pretentious tw*t," said Trudy. "Luke's right," said Richard, "The infected might blow up when they get close to Trudy, but they might still bite us." "Then I guess we'll have to be careful," said Tara, "And kill any infected that get too close to us and don't explode." "There's no weapons around here," I said, "We could use that lamp, but it's not very practical." Tara popped into her bedroom and returned with four long table legs with the thick ends sharpened off to a point, and placed them on the table. "These are off the dining room table in one of the apartments nearby," said Tara, "Whilst you were all asleep, I was up this morning looking for weapons. These are ideal. We can hold the thin end and the thick end can whack the infected in the face. I've sharpened the end so you can stab them in the eye and go through to the brain." "I'm not very good at all this fighting stuff," said Richard. "Get good," said Tara. "Hang on," I said, "You've used a knife to sharpen the edges. Where's the knife?" "I've got the knife," said Tara, "Finders Keepers." "She's going to stab us as soon as we turn our back," snapped Trudy. "Look," said Tara, "I found the knife. I'm keeping the knife. If you want another weapon, go and look for yourself. I've been out to get us something to kill the infected. A thank you wouldn't go amiss." "I'm not thanking you for jack sh*t," snapped Trudy, as she aggressively picked up a sharpened table leg. "You never know," said Tara, "We might find a car and then we'll get to the airport in no time." "What if we get there and we can't find a plane that you can fly?" I said. "I don't know," said Tara, "I guess we'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it." "If we come to a bridge, I'll have to do all I can to resist the urge not to throw you off it," said Trudy. "It's a metaphor, Trudy," said Tara, "Although I don't expect you to know what that is." "F*ck off," snapped Trudy, "I know what a metaphor is. It's where you wave flags about to send secret messages." "That's semaphore you thick tw*t," I said. "Oh, whatever," said Trudy, "Look are we doing this or what?" "Hang on," I said, "I can't just walk around the streets of Giza wearing nothing but a pair of trainers and a gold thong." "Jesus, Luke," said Trudy, "You're running for your life through the infected backstreets of Egypt, not getting ready to go out on a date." "Trudy," I said, "What, I'm wearing is not practical to be running for my life in the streets of Egypt." "Why not?" asked Trudy, "The infected don't give a toss what you look like. To be honest, I don't give a toss what you look like. Just stay at the side of, not in front of me. I don't want to have to look at your saggy arse." "Luke, we haven't got time to go clothes shopping," said Tara, "Plus what you're actually wearing will make it easier for you to run if you have to." "OK," I said, "But if we see some clothes, I'm grabbing them." "Right," said Tara, "If we can all get up to the roof and walk to the edge of the building, there's a step ladder leading down to a dead-end alleyway." "Any infected there?" I asked. "There wasn't when I looked down a few hours ago," said Tara, "Come on. Let's do this. Trudy, you need to stay close."