Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 757 to 956

Entry 763: Monday 29th October 2018

Entry 763
Monday 29th October 2018

I don't know how I'm feeling at the moment. I guess I feel a bit relieved but I also feel like I'm in mourning. After seeing Mike, I have so many questions but I'm not sure I'm ever going to get any answers...

Well after another good night's sleep and having a nice hot shower I walked downstairs, gave Leo a kiss, said morning to my Mum and had a nice cup of tea made for me by Ash. "Well, what are you going to do today?" said Mum, "You've had a punch up in Sainsbury's, how about a boxing match up in Asda?" "There isn't an operational Asda on the Island," said Ash. "Oh, shut up," said Mum. "Look, yesterday was a misunderstanding," I said. "You were the same as a kid," said Mum, "Awkward. Getting yourself into all sorts of embarrassing scrapes. I remember one of the Teachers in your School that thought you were a really unusual kid. I never thought that was the right word to use." "Really?" I said, feeling slightly surprised. "Hmm," said Mum, "She shouldn't have said you were unusual. That wasn't the right word to use." "What was?" asked Ash. "Weird," said Mum, plainly, "He was a weird kid." Feeling annoyed I rolled my eyes and discarded any hope I had of Mum possibly saying something nice about me. "Well, thanks," I bluntly said. "It's true," said Mum, "You should have been outside kissing girls and knocking a ball about, not sat inside playing with your 'Animals of Farthing Wood' sticker album." "Well," I firmly said, "Maybe if you'd have spent your money on buying me some decent football shoes, instead of a leopard print top that showed your nipples off, I could have played outside." "Oi, that top was very popular," said Mum, "It was a very pretty item of clothing." "Yeah, I'm sure it looked lovely on the milkman's bedroom floor," I said. "Are you going to be vile all morning or are you going to try being nice?" Mum asked. "I haven't decided yet," I snapped, "Anyway I'm off to see Mike and have it all out with him once and for all. Can you look after Leo?" "Oh, yeah," said Mum, sarcastically, "It's not like I've got anything better to do is it? I'm more than happy to sit here all-day listening to that crying baby and wiping his sh*tty arse." "Well you hardly ever changed my sh*tty nappy, did you?" I snapped, "So better late than never. I'll be back in a bit."

I left the house and walked around to TJ and Mike's. I was gearing up for a heated confrontation with Mike, but after losing it in Sainsbury's and jumping to the wrong conclusion, I needed to take a slightly more considered approach. I was still angry but I started to think that there could be a slight chance that maybe Mike killed Kyle to put him out of his misery. Maybe, in the midst of all the chaos Kyle got bitten by an infected and Mike killed him? I thought to myself. Obviously, I'd no longer be angry with Mike but at least I'd know what happened and I'd be able to grieve for my Son.

I arrived at Mike and TJ's, took a deep breath and knocked on the door. A few moments later TJ answered. "Oh, for f*cks sake," he bluntly said, rolling his eyes, "You're worse than Jehovah's Witnesses." "I want to see Mike," I assertively said. "Come to beat him up with a loaf of Warburtons?" said a sarcastic TJ. "Is he in or not?" I bluntly asked. "Alright Nanna calm down," said TJ, "He's in the kitchen." I stormed past TJ, walked through the living room and entered the kitchen where I saw Mike, stood at a small island with a sharp knife in one hand and a loaf in the other. With a determined look on my face I gave Mike a serious stare. He froze to the spot and showed me the whites of his eyes. It felt tense. He looked a bit scared but also like he was ready to leap into action. I was aware he was holding a bread knife and knew how unpredictable and erratic he could be so I decided to tread carefully, whilst still being assertive. "Are you going to get your big stick out and beat me with it again?" asked Mike. "Sounds a bit gay," said TJ, entering the kitchen. "It was baguette," I firmly said, "Anyway, I think me and you need to talk." There was a short pause and I looked at the bread knife that Mike was holding. "You want to put the knife down?" I calmly said. Still showing me the whites of his eyes and maintaining intense eye contact, Mike slowly placed the knife on the kitchen counter. "You look nervous," I firmly said.  "Really?" said Mike. "In fact, I'd say you look guilty," I said. "Do I?" said Mike. "Yeah," I said, "Like you know you've done something wrong." "Well that's usually how guilt comes about," said TJ, "Bl**dy hell, stop with all the big b*locks build-up and get to it." "Mike, do you remember what the last thing was you said to me?" I asked. "Do I?" said Mike. "Yes, do you?" I asked. "Yes," said Mike. "And what was it?" I asked. "Do I?" said Mike. "Do you what?" I asked. "That was the last thing I said to you a second ago; do I?" "No, I don't mean the last thing you said to me just now you idiot, I mean the last thing you said to me before I got into the freezer," I said. "Luke, get inside," said Mike. "I hope you weren't talking about your arsehole," said TJ. "You turned up covered in blood," I angrily said to Mike, "And I asked you to tell me where Kyle was and you didn't tell me." "F*cking hell be fair, Nanna," said TJ, "The whole place was about to get blown up. What did you want him to do? Sit you down with a cup of tea and explain things to you?" "You mind your own f*cking business!" I bluntly snapped at TJ. I then returned my attention to Mike. "Was that Kyle's blood you were covered in?" I asked Mike. There was a slight pause. Mike had a strange look on his face. The anticipation built and I could feel my heart racing as I awaited Mike's response. "Well it wasn't all Kyle's blood," said Mike. "Wasn't ALL Kyle's blood!?" I loudly exclaimed, "What the f*ck does that mean?!" "It means some of it was Kyle's and some of it was someone else's," said TJ. "If you don't shut up, I'm going to knock you out," I snapped at TJ. "Ha," laughed TJ, "Don't make me laugh. You couldn't knock out a wank with both hands and a dummies guide to masturbation." "DID YOU KILL KYLE!?" I angrily shouted at Mike. He could see I was angry. The veins in my head were pulsating and I think my face must have turned a scary shade of red. I've never seen Mike look so uncomfortable. He knew I meant business. The atmosphere intensified as an edgy silence lingered. "No," Mike, quietly said, "I didn't kill him. I tried to save him." "Save him?" I said, frowning with confusion, "What are you on about?" "Oh, for crying out loud," said TJ, "This is getting boring. Mike, just tell him what you've told the rest of us." Mike gave a deep sigh and then adopted a slightly more relaxed look. "It was Tara," said Mike. "Tara?" I said, "What about her?" "She took Kyle," said Mike. "What?" I exclaimed, feeling annoyed, "What are you on about? She flew off in Sci-Fi Cyn's helicopter? We all saw it." "Yeah, I know she did," said Mike, "I don't know what happened but she must have come back; found another way back into The Base. I don't know what she was doing there or why she came back but when I saw her, she had Kyle. I told her to get away from him but a big fight broke out. Tara ended up slicing my arm." Mike raised his arm and showed me a faded cut.  "Everything happened so fast," said Mike, "I was trying to shoot Tara but Kyle got in the way and I accidentally shot him." "You shot my son!?" I snapped. "It was an accident," exclaimed Mike, "Isn't that what you're always saying; an accident, a misunderstanding." "I have never shot someone I shouldn't have!" I loudly snapped. "Err . . .  What about Ashley and Jessica Seagrave?" said TJ. "WILL YOU F*CK OFF!?" I snapped at TJ. "I shot him in the arm," said Mike, "It can't have been fatal." "How the Hell do you know that!?" I snapped, "You just left him!" "No," said Mike, desperately trying to explain everything, "It wasn't like that. I tried to look for something to put pressure on Kyle's wound but the next thing I knew I was knocked unconscious. It's obvious what happened isn't it? That b*tch Tara knocked me out. When I woke up, and she and Kyle had gone. She must have taken him." "Why would she want to take Kyle?" I asked Mike, making it obvious I didn't believe him. "I don't know," said Mike, "But when I woke up, they'd both gone." "This is absolute b*llocks," I snapped, "Why the Hell would Tara come back to The Base in the first place?" "I don't know," said Mike. "Why would she knock you out and leave you unconscious instead of killing you?" I asked. "I don't know," said Mike, "Maybe she needed the bullets." "Or maybe this story is complete bullsh*t," I snapped, "Maybe you killed Kyle and you're trying to blame it in Tara." "No!" Mike exclaimed, "I know I didn't like him but I'd never kill him. He's your Son. I'd never hurt him!" "Never hurt him!?" I exclaimed, "A few weeks before we go frozen you dangled him out of a window, and now you're feeding me this c*ck and bull story." "Come on Nanna," said TJ, "Be fair. He tried to save your boy. We all know what a b*tch Tara was and we know what a handful Kyle was." "And we all know what he's like," I snapped, pointing at Mike, "You know what he's like. I know what he's like. We ALL know what he's like!" "I didn't kill Kyle," said Mike, "I just shot him." "Oh well that's alright then!" I loudly and sarcastically exclaimed, "You didn't kill him. You just shot him and left him for dead!" "Nana are you deaf?" snapped TJ. "He just told you that he shot Kyle accidentally and that he was trying to find something to help Kyle when Tara knocked him out. Are you struggling to keep up with this?" "TJ. F*ck. Off," I firmly said. "Nana, think about it," said TJ, "If Mike wanted to lie to you, why would he tell you he accidentally shot Kyle? He could come up with something more elaborate." "You don't even know what elaborate means," I bluntly said. "It's when you clarify a statement to the police," said Mike. "That's collaborate," said TJ. "No, it's corroborated," said Mike. "Will you both f*cking shut up!?" I loudly snapped, "All I know is that my Son is dead and that YOU shot him." "Luke, you don't know he's dead," said TJ, "He's missing. He might still be with Tara. Maybe she's holding him hostage or something." "Oh, wake up you pr*ck," I snapped at TJ, "Tara never came back, and even if she did, what would be the point in taking Kyle hostage. He killed him and just left him there for dead." "No, that's not what happened!" Mike protested. "You know what," said TJ, "You really can be a knob-head sometimes. Tara's proved what a lying b*tch she can be and your Son, who you hardly know, has already shown that he's a bit of a loose cannon. You've known Mike ages and you're calling him a liar. He was just trying to do the right thing." "The right thing?" I exclaimed, as I raised my eyebrows, "When the Hell has he EVER done the right thing? Shooting a teenage boy – my Son and then feeding me a load of sh*t about Tara coming back. You might believe him but I don't!" "Luke, babes, please," said Mike. "Don't Luke, babes me," I snapped at Mike, as I frowned with fury and pointed my finger at him, "In fact, you make sure you stay away from me and away from Leo. As far as I'm concerned you don't exist." I could see the look of distraught sadness on Mike's face but I didn't care. He's lucky I didn't stab him with that bread knife. I stormed off, feeling incredibly annoyed.

I spent a few hours just walking around Cowes trying to get rid of my anger. Mike can just f*ck off now as far as I'm concerned. I hope I never see him again. Whilst I was walking around the Town centre, I went into a café called Sails. They did some nice food and it helped me to forget about Mike. Part of me thought I should be crying and grieving for Kyle but the overriding emotion I'm feeling at the moment is anger. So much anger.

I saw Sci-Fi Cyn today. I told her about my confrontation with Mike and she told me that Blade had informed her of our little chat yesterday and that he was thinking about what my job/contribution to the Island could be. Knowing my luck, it'll be something involving shovelling sh*t. I asked Sci-Fi if she trusted Blade. She said she trusted him completely. I asked her why she thought he didn't tell her and Seth about the Isle of Wight and she told me a story that was similar to what Blade told me. It was obvious that what she'd told me, he had told her. "It sounds to me like we've only got Blade's word for all of this," I said. "Why are you so suspicious of everyone?" asked Sci-Fi Cyn. "What do you mean?" I asked. "Well you've cut ties with Mike; you don't trust Blade. Why can't you just trust people and believe them?" asked Sci-Fi Cyn. "Cyn," I said, "I'm alive today because I don't automatically trust people and believe them. That's why my Son is alive today." "No, Luke" said Sci-Fi Cyn, "You're alive because you DID trust people. You trusted the right people at the right time, just like they trusted you. And I'm sorry but your Son's alive because Esther kept him a secret from you for so long." There was a short pause. I was rather at angry at what Sci-Fi Cyn had said. "That's harsh." I said. "I'm sorry but it's true," said Sci-Fi Cyn, "Maybe you're mis-trusting the wrong people." "What the Hell does that mean?" I asked. "Nothing," said Sci-Fi Cyn. "No," I firmly said, "Tell me what you meant?" "I'm just saying there's probably more people on this Island who are a lot more mistrusting than Blade and Mike. Just get some perspective OK? And go to see your Auntie."

I just feel like everyone's having a go at me at the moment. TJ had a go, Mike sort of had a go, Mum and Ash have had a go, Trudy's had a go and now Sci-Fi Cyn's had a go. The only person who isn't having a go is Leo, and he makes up for it by filling his nappy full of smelly sh*t. If the others had thrown sh*t at me instead of cruel comments I'd look like a human chocolate cake. The one good thing that's come out of today is that I sort of understand how everything works with food, utilities, transport and currency. There's a bus service that goes to the populated parts of the Island and the passenger ferry and the bigger ferries are still working (but GRID are completely in charge of them). The currency is some sort of weird credit system that I think I'm getting to grips with and I know when and how the gas, water and electricity is working. I think I've put off seeing Auntie Meryl for long enough. She's not going to be happy. with me. I should really make sure I see her tomorrow and also try and make time to see Naomi and the others.