Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 757 to 956

Entry 857: Thursday 31st January 2019

Entry 857
Thursday 31st January 2019

The island is in chaos. I'm actually quite worried. I had no idea things would get so bad so quickly. I spent 24 hours in quarantine, but you'd think I'd spent 24 years in the cryogenics the way everyone's carrying on. After certain comments from Mike, Auntie Meryl and Ash, I'm starting to think that Kyle is being perceived as public enemy number one.

I went to work this morning and as I approached Sainsbury's, I noticed a queue of people leading all the way up to the top of the hill just as you enter Cowes town centre. I frowned with confusion and upon closer inspection I discovered a queue which easily had over a hundred people in it. I saw TJ in the queue and approached him. "What's going on?" I asked, "What's all this about?" "Alright Elizabeth," said TJ, "How was quarantine?" "Never mind, what's going on here?" I asked. "The place is going to sh*t," said TJ, "After that pensioner got infected and all those people died, people are starting to see just how quick the infection can spread if you're bitten. Everyone's scared. They're all queuing up at the supermarkets, spending their credits on food and supplies, and locking themselves in their houses." "Yeah but the whole thing only happened because that old guy had a heart attack," I said. "Yeah but after what happened with you at Catherine's, and with you in Tam's garage, people are starting to think that anyone could get infected at any point," said TJ, "And after yesterday everyone's seen first-hand just how quick the sh*t can hit the fan. Actually, you were there when that pensioner got infected and killed those two GRID soldiers. You seem to be at an awful lot of these things. Ever felt like a jinx?" "This is stupid," I said, "When everyone's spent their credits what are they going to do then? They'll need to go out and get some more, and if they're going out to get their credits renewed, then there's no point in queuing up like this. It's madness." "Look, Nanna," said TJ, "Rightly or wrongly people are starting to think that if they stay locked inside for as long as possible, they'll be safe." "But people have got jobs," I said, "If people don't go out, no one will be working and the island will come to a halt. Anyway, what sort of life is it? Living inside and never going out?" "Yeah well I'm just here cos I need some bog roll," said TJ, "When the sh*t hits the fan I still want to be able to wipe my arse when my sh*t hits the pan." "This is stupid," I said. "Look," said TJ, pointing at some graffiti on the wall that said #JFEJ. "What's that?" I asked. "God knows," said TJ, "But they've been popping up all over the island since it all kicked off the day before yesterday. Someone's trying to tell us all something." "I wonder what it could mean?" I said, "Has no one seen anyone spraying this sh*t all over the place?" "I don't think so," said TJ. As I looked round and started to notice more of the #JFEJ graffiti, and I saw that there was a sign in the window of Sails Café saying, 'Closed Until Further Notice'.  "God, Sails is shut too," I said. "Yeah," said TJ, "Lots of people don't want to go to work or open up. A lot happened whilst you were in quarantine. Speaking of café's, do you remember those café's that used to have cats running around them back in the day? The Kitty Café – that's what they used to be called. Do you know that me and my mate Peter Stringfellow were going to open up a chain of café's where you could shag the waitresses? We were going to call it Clitty Café." "TJ," I bluntly said, "Now is not the time for your bullsh*t." "Yeah well you need to sort your son out," said TJ, "He started shouting about nukes so people are sh*tting themselves, hiding down in the cellars thinking that the world is going to get nuked again. That's why people are queuing up like the world's about to end." "The world didn't get nuked you idiot," I said. "No, but it came close," said TJ.

At that moment Trudy came out of the store with Mike behind her. She held a megaphone in her hand and addressed the huge queue. "Ladies and gentlemen," she loudly announced in a professional tone. No one listened. Everyone was talking amongst themselves. "Excuse me," Trudy announced, "Can I have your attention please?" Again, everyone continued talking to each other and ignoring Trudy. "Excuse me!" Trudy said in a slightly louder but still professional tone, "I have an announcement." Everyone continued to ignore her. Trudy frowned, dragged a nearby wheelie bin over, climbed on it and then very loudly and aggressively spoke into the megaphone. "F*CKING SHUT UP!!!!" she loudly yelled at the queue. Silence fell and she'd now captured everyone's attention. "Right you shower of sh*t!" Trudy yelled, "Now I work in this dump, and I don't want to have to put up with you mad f*ckers standing on each other's heads to get to the last carton of milk or the one remaining bog roll. You should all think yourself lucky that you've all got something to wipe your arse with. Try sh*tting in a bucket and finding whatever you can to clean your ring with, because that's what I used to have to do! Anyway, I'm out here because I want you all to shop responsibly. We get deliveries of stock from various parts of the island every day, so please don't act like a bunch of crazy arseholes. You don't need to stock pile so please don't go mad. Think everyone and shop normally." At that moment the doors to Sainsbury's were open and the queue ran inside like a mob of frantic nutters as if they were stocking up for the end of the world. I joined Mike and Trudy and the three of us looked on in horror. "Oh my God," I gasped, as goose bumps consumed the surface of my back, "What the f*ck is going on?" "They're scared," said Mike, "This is how people act when they're scared." "Me and you are going to have to go in there and deal with all this sh*t," Trudy said to Mike. "This is Kyle's fault," said Mike. "Oh, Mike don't start," I said, "Kyle can't be blamed for any of this. If you'd have been in his shoes and Ella would have been bitten, you and I both know that you'd have acted first and thought later. You'd have shoved a blade in her head in the blink of eye, so don't try using this to try and convince me that something's wrong with Kyle." "He was going to shoot me," Mike said, "Remember? If Blade and his guys hadn't have turned up, your son could have pumped me with a load of lead. Does that convince you that there's something wrong with him?" "I'm going to work," I bluntly said, "You two stay safe and look after yourself." I could kind of see where Mike was coming from but after everything he's done, he's the last person to be talking about something being wrong with someone. Before I left TJ appeared with a cut on his head and a toilet roll in his hand. "You're bleeding," I said. "Yeah," said TJ, "It's mad in there, but look; I got a toilet roll." "It can't carry on like this," I said, "Blade is going to have to do something." I looked over at Sainsbury's and saw the crowds of people fighting over food and supplies. "Look at it," I said, "It's so tight." "Ha," laughed TJ, "I said the exact opposite to your Mum last time I shagged her." "TJ, shut up," I snapped. Trudy looked over at the automatic doors and into the store. "It's going to take me ages to get all the way to the back," said Trudy. "I said that to your Mum too," TJ laughed. "Right," I firmly said, "I'm going to work. I then left.