Never Leave Your Heart Alone

Chapter 13

Meredith didn't talk on the way home. She continued to stare out the window. They passed a car with a family in in. They looked happy. She was jealous. Why did they get to be happy? Why couldn't it be her. She had never realized how she had affected the people in her life. Everyone she had ever been around either hurt her or she hurt them. It was all connected. The common thread? The common denominator? Her.

Chase and Meredith both went to her house. Izzie was staying over at Alex's apartment and George was on-call. It was one of the rare times that they were able to roam freely around the house. Meredith unlocked the door and immediately went upstairs to her bathroom. Chase softly closed the front door and made his way upstairs. He was worried about her. He wasn't sure what had happened. He did know that whatever happened, happened when she talked to Jake. He had no idea what he said to her. He walked in her room and saw that the bathroom door was closed. He heard the running water. He walked up and knocked on the door. No answer. He wiggled the handle. It was locked. He started to worry.

"Mer. Meredith. Are you okay?" He said softly. There was no answer. "Meredith!" He shouted.

"I'm okay." She said softly. "I'll be out in awhile."

"Okay." He answered. "I'm going to go take a shower and get this chlorine off of me." He told her.

"All right." She answered. She laid back against the bathtub. She heard her bedroom door shut and she let it all go. She cried hard. She cried until her tears would no longer come out. Why can't everything just be simple. Why can't I just tell Chase I love him. She laid in the bathtub for an hour. The water had long since cooled off. She couldn't pull herself out. She didn't have the will to do it. Finally she crawled out. She really had to try to do it. She wrapped a towel around herself and walked into her room. Chase was sitting on the bed, his back leaned against the headboard. Her eyes met his. He was worried, she could tell. She dropped her towel and began putting her flannel pajamas on. Generally, this would turn Chase on. Not tonight. Tonight was painful, tonight was detrimental. She didn't say anything. She laid down on the bed facing the wall.

"Meredith. If you tell me what's wrong, maybe I can help." He said sympathetically. She didn't say anything. He sat there for a few minutes, and then switched the light off. He couldn't just sit here, and let her stay in pain. He pulled her up close. She let him. She felt like a rag doll. He laid her head on his chest. "You can say what you are thinking. I won't judge you. You can't keep it inside. It will just eat away at you." He said softly. She didn't answer. "I know that your life hasn't been perfect. I know that you have made mistakes. But you are a good person. You are a great person. You have a big heart and you are special. You can't tear yourself apart over something that has already happened. You can't change it. All you can do is move on, live in the moment. You have to cherish what you have. I cherish you, Meredith. You are the most important thing to me. So please, don't do this to yourself." He said sadly.

"Just stay with me." She said softly.

"I will." He replied.

Meredith laid there for a long time. Her head moving with his breathing as his chest rose and fell. He was there. He was right about what he said. She had to live in the moment. She had to cherish what she had. She had to make it right. She had to stop feeling sorry for herself. He loved her. That should be enough. It had to work. She didn't have anyone else. She had to pick herself up and try again.

"Chase?" She said as softly as she could. She wasn't sure if she was going to regret what she was about to say. "I love you." He didn't say anything, he pulled her close and kissed her head. He had been waiting so long for her to say it. He sighed a relieved breath.

"I love you too." She said with a smile on his face. Meredith fell asleep on his chest, knowing that tomorrow would be a better day.

"So you actually said it?" Cristina said loudly. "You said 'I Love You'."