Never Leave Your Heart Alone

Chapter 48

Space. Yep, that's what she had said. Derek couldn't believe it. He was floored. He was willing to do anything for her. And he had been planning on telling her that. That was before he was blind-sided. Derek wasn't a drinker. At least nit the kind to sit and get drunk. But tonight, tonight he was definitely a drinker. But not in a public place. Not in a bar. Not where everyone could see him. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to be where he could pass out, and no one would notice.

Come on, come on
Put your hands into the fire
Explain, explain
As I turn and meet the power
This time, this time
Turning white and senses dire
Pull up, pull up
From one extreme to another

Derek climbed behind the wheel of his Land Rover. His body sat stiffly against it's leather seats. He didn't need much to make him happy. He didn't need the huge house. He didn't need the fancy car. Although he was building the huge house, and he was driving the fancy cars. Maybe he had presented himself the wrong way. Maybe Meredith didn't see the real him. He didn't need much. He just needed to be happy. And that was what he had. Had. He told himself.

From the summer to the spring
From the mountain to the air
From Samaritan to sin
And it's waiting on the end

Derek couldn't get her out of his head. He smile, her laugh, her hair. He closed his eyes. He could almost smell her. He could almost feel her next to him. Maybe when he opened his eyes she would be sitting next to him. He did open his eyes. But what he saw wasn't her, what he saw caused him to slam on his brakes and swerve off the road. The car in front of him had stopped. He stopped the car and sat there trying to regain the feeling in his limbs.

Come on, come on
Put your hands into the fire
Explain, explain
As I turn and meet the power
This time, this time
Turning white and sense dire
Pull up, pull up
From one extreme to another

"I have go to get ahold of myself." He said quietly as he looked in the rearview mirror.

From the summer to the spring
From the mountain to the air
From Samaritan to sin
And it's waiting on the end

He tried not to think about her for the rest of the drive home. He sighed as he pulled into his driveway. He was relieved to be there alive. But saddened that he was there alone. He made his way into his dark trailer and grabbed his bottle of scotch. And there he sat on a plastic chair, in his half built, broken home, wondering how he was going to make it.

And now I'm alone I'm looking out, I'm looking in
Way down, the lights are dimmer
Now I'm alone I'm looking out , I'm looking in
Way down, the lights are dimmer
Come on, come on
Put your hands into the fire
Come on, come on

Meredith sighed as she sat down on her bed. She told herself that this was the right thing to do. He needed space. He just didn't realize it. She wanted him to be happy. She wanted him to realize that there was life beyond her. Meredith was practicing self-sacrifice. Maybe he would meet the woman of his dreams and ride off into the sunset. She didn't want to be the reason for his lifetime of unhappiness.

Sleep was not coming. It was twelve in the morning. Even though she had been lying down since eight, she hadn't slept a wink. She heard her cellphone ring. It was undoubtedly Derek, she told herself. Should she answer? No. She was doing this for him. Meredith grabbed the phone after it's last ring. As she suspected, it was him, and he left a message. She put her password in and listened. He was drunk. In fact, she had never heard him so drunk. He begged her to call him. It broke her heart, but she deleted the message. She was doing it for him, and there was no way she was going to talk to him in that condition. She needed someone, so she called her person. Cristina grumbled and said she was on her way.