Never Leave Your Heart Alone

Chapter 47

Derek didn't sleep. He wasn't sure if it was the rain, pounding on the metal roof of his trailer, or if it was the thoughts looming in his head. He was lying to himself, and he knew it. He loved the rain. Meredith loved the rain. He was accustomed to the rain. Rain could never keep him awake. It was the thoughts that had him tossing and turning. Twisting the sheets into rope. Turning his pillow into a punching bag. He climbed out of bed and poured himself a scotch. He knew it was not going to help in the least. This was an issue that had to be faced head on. And he knew that when it was, someone was going to be hurt.

Meredith wasn't thinking. Thought had stopped after the sixth shot of tequila. Her brain had quit processing information. She and Drew had stumbled into the cab. Neither was sure who was worse off. But both were barely coherent. Drew dragged Meredith to his suite. He knew, full well, that he could take advantage of her. At this point of the night, she had no idea what was happening. Part of him had longed for it. There was something about her. An air, a presence, that had infatuated him from the beginning. He always watched her. The way she moved. The way her hair laid softly on her shoulders. The way she giggled. He wanted her. But then it hit him. She trusted him enough to pour her heart out to him. Enough to become completely vulnerable. And not even he could take advantage of that. Drew helped Meredith into his bed. He had fully planned on sleeping on the suite's sofa. He had to distance himself from her.

"Don't go." Meredith whispered. "Lay here with me."

"Okay." He said, reluctantly as she laid down on the bed next to her.

"You're a good guy." She said with a drunken giggle.

"I'm not so sure..." He muttered softly.

"Derek is a bad guy..." Meredith whimpered. "Damn him. Damn him for making me fall in love with him..." She trailed off as she closed her eyes.

"Yes, damn him..." Drew agreed as he closed his eyes.

Derek woke up in a cold, lonely trailer. He glanced out the window and looked at the house. It was standing there, the sun just coming up from behind it. He was so at war with himself. What to do. He could just sell it all. He could go back to New York. Be free and alone. Because even if he found someone, he would always be alone if it wasn't Meredith. Or he could apologize, and not even be sure if he meant it. He wasn't even sure what his true feelings were. He climbed out of his bed, running his fingers through his hair. He looked in the mirror. A tired, broken face stared back at him. He didn't have anything on the board today. He was free. He knew he needed to talk to someone. He had to get it off his chest. A call to Addison was unanswered. When he called her house, Stan said she was in surgery. Of course. She was the one that knew how to make it all better. It seemed both he and Meredith confided in her.

Derek mustered up all of his strength and climbed into his shower. His eyes rested on Meredith's shampoo and conditioner. He grabbed his own and began washing. Drew. Drew popped into his head. He was who he always went to for advice. Drew was always in New York, so he forgot about him. That's where he was going. He needed to confide in his cousin. He took one more glance at Meredith's conditioner. He slowly put his hand on the bottle. He had to do it. He opened the bottle and breathed it in. That scent was like a light breeze, bringing back his feelings, his love for her.

Derek laughed when he pulled up to the hotel. That was Drew. He was always all in with everything. Either the best, or not at all. He knew he was in the penthouse. He pressed the button and began his ride. He always loved elevator. Especially with Meredith. She made elevators fun. He made his way to the door and knocked. There was no answer. He knew Drew, so he banged louder. Finally the door opened.

"Wow." Derek said as he rocked back on his heels. "I haven't seen you look that bad in years!"

"Yeah, well..." Drew started as he yawned. He stood there in his jeans and shirt from last night. He ran his hand through his disheveled hair.