Never Leave Your Heart Alone

Chapter 118

She cried. She suffered. She was in pain. There she laid. Quietly crying. Softly. She couldn't wake her children. She couldn't get them upset. She knew that babies could sense things. They were innocent. Completely innocent. They didn't do anything wrong and she didn't want them to feel one iota of pain. She didn't want them to know just how bad the world was until the last possible minute.

She had no idea what time it was. She didn't care what time it was. Her world was at a standstill. Everything she had believed. Everything she had known, was now upside down now. She wasn't sure how to feel. She wasn't sure what to do. She just knew that at this moment, she needed to just be. To just cry. To just lay.

"Mer..." Derek said as he walked into the house. She didn't hear him. She didn't hear anything.

Derek stood there in shock. She was curled up in a ball on the sofa. The fetal position. The position one gets in to find self contentment. The position you cling to in fear. She was motionless, except for her breathing. Irregular. A deep, gasping breath every so often. A piece of paper on the floor grabbed his attention. He picked it up and read. It was the address to a hotel. And a phone number. It was puzzling. Until it hit him. Nate.

"Mer-" Derek said as he knelt down beside the sofa and looked into her open eyes.

Her eyes were blank. He had never seen them like this. Blank. No expression. No one in there. It was like she was dead inside, and her body didn't get the memo. The turmoil that was going on was evident. He stroked her cheek, seeing the salty stains from her tears.

The silence was broken by the whimper of a baby. It was Devlin. He was the whiny one. His cry was long and drawn out. As if the world was ending. Derek leaned over and grabbed him up, holding him close. Meredith sat up and took Devlin as Derek handed him over. She held him against her and stared. The baby looked up to his mother with soft blue eyes, and for the first time, he didn't see hers.

Derek sat there next to her. He had no idea what to do. He could only imagine what was said. And even with his wild imagination, he was sure he didn't even scratch the surface. He stood to lose a lot. He knew. He knew the truth about what Ian had done. He could have told, but he didn't. He could have eased her pain, but he hadn't. And if she found that out, it was going to break her. He had to watch how he treaded. He could go either way. One wrong step, and he could fall off the edge.

So there he sat. In silence. Hours of silence. He should be comforting her. But why? He technically had no idea what was going on. So there he sat, his hand on hers, each with a baby in their arms. In silence. Dead silence. It was finally broken at the sound of a six year old's pounding feet and Jane's quiet reminder that the babies were sleeping.

"Daddy!" Anna said as she ran over and looked at Delilah in his arms.

"Hey baby." He said solemnly as he gave her a kiss.

"What's wrong with mommy?" Anna asked as she looked over at Meredith.

"Mommy isn't feeling good." Derek said as he looked at Anna's sad eyes.

"She doesn't have to go back to the hospital, does she?" Anna asked as she began to sob.

"No, no... She's just- How would you like to help me make some dinner?" He asked as he laid Delilah down.

"Okay." She said as she followed him to the kitchen.

"Is Meredith okay?" Jane asked with concern. Derek looked at Anna.

"Anna, change out of your school clothes, okay?" He said as he looked down at her. He watched her walk slowly out of the kitchen and up the stairs.