Never Leave Your Heart Alone

Chapter 82

Meredith looked back. Derek wasn't behind her. She wasn't really wanting to deal with it at the moment. She figured he was just going to sulk and go back to the hospital. She realized that he did show up. He did try. But she was still upset. Still irritated. She was beginning to feel like she couldn't count on him, and it was the worst feeling in the world.

It was late and she quickly got Anna to bed. She was more than willing, as she was exhausted from their busy day. Meredith kept listening for a sign of Derek. There was none. That seemed to make her even angrier. Now he wasn't going to show up? He couldn't win either way, and she could admit that. She was out to get him. The minute Anna laid down in her bed, she was out.

Meredith slipped into her own room and changed into a tank top and shorts. She washed her face and brushed her teeth like she always did. She began to walk out of her empty bathroom into her empty bedroom. She looked up to see him standing in the doorway. He was leaning up against the door frame with a regretful look on his face. Their eyes met and neither moved.

She wanted to cry. Just looking at him, she felt the need to bawl. She knew that things weren't going this way because he wanted them to. She could see the sadness in his eyes. She knew how the hospital worked. They owned you.

How can I tell you that I love you, I love you
But I can't think of right words to say
I long to tell you that I'm always thinking of you
I'm always thinking of you, but my words
Just blow away, just blow away

There she stood. She froze like a deer in the headlights. She was glowing. She looked radiant. Her small baby bump was peeking out of her tight tank top. His children were in there. His babies. And he wasn't even around for it. I scared him. If he couldn't be around now, how would it change? But he was working on that, and it had to work out.

It always ends up to one thing, honey
And I can't think of right words to say
Wherever I am girl, I'm always walking with you
I'm always walking with you, but I look and you're not there

Meredith crossed the room in several large strides. She couldn't stay away. She couldn't stay mad at him. All she wanted was him. A small smile crept onto his face as she crashed into him, her head laying against his chest. She felt his fingers run through her hair. His lips pressed against his head. She wrapped her arms around him softly and clung for her life.

"Meredith..." He started.

"No." She said as she pulled him tighter. "Just be quiet. Let me enjoy this..." She said as she laid against him. These moments were what she lived for. When he was actually and she could touch him.

Whoever I'm with, I'm always, always talking to you
I'm always talking to you,
and I'm sad that you can't hear, sad that you can't hear
It always ends up to one thing, honey,
When I look and you're not there

She could hear his heart beat. Before, she would have sworn their hearts beat as one. But now it didn't feel that way, the small amount of time was taking it's toll. Finally she pulled away and walked to her side of the bed. She pulled the blankets back and threw the extra pillows onto the chair. She slowly laid down on the bed and closed her eyes. After a few minutes, she felt his body lie down next to his.

"Meredith, I'm sorry." He said softly as he spooned up against her. "I'm sorry." He reiterated.

I need to know you, need to feel my arms around you
Feel my arms around you, like a sea around a shore
And - each night and day I pray, in hope
That I might find you, in hope that I might
Find you, because heart's can do no more