Never Leave Your Heart Alone

Chapter 64

Derek dropped his head down as he walked down the hallway. It shouldn't be this hard. Addison was never like this. Not that he wanted to compare her to Addison. She was completely different. Addison was strong, but so is Meredith. But Meredith, she's damaged. Derek didn't have experience with someone so broken. She pushed him away when she needed him the most.

Derek opened the door of his Land Rover, and climbed in. God he loved her. She had taken him over. He could live without her. He couldn't breathe without her. He needed her, and as much as she refused to admit it, she needed him too. He laid his head back and sighed. He couldn't leave it like this. He wanted to see Anna. He knew that she needed attention, but at this moment, Meredith needed it more.

"Jane, it's Derek." He said when she answered their home phone.

"Oh, hello, Dr. Shepherd. Is there something wrong?" Jane asked with a worried voice.

"Is there anyway you could stay tonight?" Derek asked as he pulled his keys out of the ignition.

"Of course." Jane said happily. She was alone in the world. Her husband died two years ago, and she never moved on. She was frozen in time, and kept herself busy.

"Is that Mr. Derek?" Anna shouted in the background.

"Yes, Anna." Jane explained. To the rambunctious child.

"Can I talk to him?" Anna begged loudly.

"I'll talk to her." Derek said as he dragged his tired body out of the car.

"Mr. Derek! Are you coming home?" She asked quickly. He could sense the hope in her voice.

"Not tonight, Anna." He said sadly. He could hear a disappointed moan. "Meredith isn't feeling good, so I am going to stay at the hospital with her tonight. Is that okay?" He asked.

"Yeah..." She said quietly. "Tell her I hope she feels better."

"I will." Derek said happily. He was glad that she seemed okay that they weren't coming home. "I will see you tomorrow."

"Okay, Mr. Derek." Anna said as she hung up the phone.

Derek felt somewhat better. Anna needed him, but she was okay. She was in great hands with Jane. Jane adored Anna. He had no idea what he was going to say to Meredith. He knew he had to say something. He had to make it right. He had promised to never leave her. He didn't want to leave her. Derek could sense that there was more going on than she was telling him. He knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't have got that upset over what he did.

He slowly opened the on-call room door. He saw her in the fetal position, on the bed, by the wall. It broke his heart. He flipped the lock on the door and slid his shoes off. She didn't move when he laid on the bed next to her. He spooned against her and wrapped his arm around her. He could feel her breathing softly. He slowly stroked her arm. She was tense, even in her sleep, he could feel her rigid body.

"I love you, Mer." He whispered into her hair. He breathed her in, filling his lungs with her essence. "God I love you..." He felt her jerk awake. He quickly wrapped his arms round her tightly. He felt her body shake with heavy sobs.

"Mer, I'm sorry." He said softly. "I am so sorry. I should have said anything." She turned around to face him.

"It's- it's-" She struggled to push the words out, but they wouldn't go. Her breathing started to quicken.

"Calm down. Breathe." He told her as he held her tightly. He looked into her bloodshot eyes. Her face was stained with tears. He had seen her torn up. He had seen her bad off. But this was bad. Really bad. "Breathe..." He said as ran his fingers through her hair. He could feel her starting to relax.