sarah paulson one shots

tolerate it - ally mayfair-richards

summary: you're always there for ally when she has her panic attacks but she starts to feel bad about it.

warnings: panic attacks

word count: 698

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All was fine in the world tonight. Oz was at his friend house leaving you and Ally alone to enjoy your night, so, Ally thought it would be nice to make a special dinner for you. And usually you would help her because you didn't want to put all the work on her of cooking dinner, doing laundry, taking care of Oz, and anything else on top of that. But tonight, she would just shoo you away and tell you to go relax until she was finished.

And eventually you listened because you knew just how stubborn your girlfriend could be at times and that you wouldn't win the fight on who was cooking. Although you've always hated when Ally was the chef for the night. Not because her food was gross, it was actually amazing but because you knew that there were a lot of triggers for Ally's phobias in the kitchen. That's where it happens most often and you try to prevent it like putting the cheese grater in a cabinet that she knows not to go in but it was only when you heard heavy breathing and cry's coming from the kitchen that you realized you forget to do that. And you cursed yourself for forgetting.

"Ally?" Your voice was soft as you walked in, seeing Ally's face full of fear as she curled herself into a ball in the corner. "hey hey, Ally" You kneeled down to her level, gently rubbing her arm up and down. You felt awful that it was your fault. It was your fault because you were being forgetful.

"Shhh its okay" You cooed as you watched the brunette slowly remove her hands from her face to see you. And she calmed down at the realization that you were there and she was okay.

"Can you do your cookie breathing?" She didn't answer, she just began to take deep breaths, in and out. You patiently watched her do so and occasionally joining in with the deep breathing whenever you saw her struggling. And when she finally was calmed down, you pulled her into your lap and she instantly melted into your embrace like she was an ice cube you put under the hot sun.

"I'm sorry" She sobbed into the crook of you neck, her shaky hand tightly gripping on to the neck of your shirt like you would disappear into thin air if she didn't. "Don't be sorry Al, it's my fault, i shouldn't have left the grater out." You ran your fingers through her short hair and almost started crying yourself, seeing how upset she got over something she can't control.

"No it's not. I'm the one who freaked out over a stupid grater." You shushed her, not wanting to hear her blame or get angry at herself. "Don't be so hard on yourself, love. You've came such a long way and i'm so proud of you." The thought of when you first met came flooding back to you. When this was much harder for her but you never got mad or yelled at her, you understood and were patient, you helped her through each and every panic attack she has had.

"I just feel so bad that you always have to deal with this and tolerate me. You should be able to relax without having to worry about me." You lifted her head off your chest, gently grabbing her chin so you and her were both eye to eye "I don't just tolerate you, Al, i love you and everything about you. I'm always going to worry about you no matter if you were struggling with this or not but that's because i love and i want you to feel happy and safe." 

The brunette gave you a sad smile before stretching herself up to kiss your lips "i love you too" She said almost as a whisper before snuggling herself right back into you. "Forget cooking, how about we order a pizza?" she lightly chuckled "Are you sure?" she asked "Positive."