sarah paulson one shots

drunken confessions - cordelia goode

requested by alluringvanity :"the reader is a student at robichaux's academy and one night after a partying she's drunk and reveals her dark past (abuse) to cordelia."

warnings: mention of abuse and abusive parents

word count: 1466

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You were walking down the street, drenched from the rain that was pouring down, hard. You knew you were close to the academy but you could hardly tell from your blurry vision due to both the tears and alcohol.

You didn't really get emotional when you drank so you couldn't blame it on the alcohol. It was what happened at the party that had made you so upset.

Blinding lights were flashing all around, the smell of alcohol was taking over your entire sense of smell no matter where in the house you went.

You never went to parties but you decided that you needed a break. Cordelia was worried. Of course she would be. She was when any of her girls went to parties or even out on the town for that matter. She even offered to come but you politely declined. You wouldn't make her go to some stupid party that she would be uncomfortable at.

A few hours went by, you already had an absurd amount of alcohol in your system and you were dancing with an old friend that you met up with.

Everything was fine, you were having a great time. That was until you looked over and some some guy slap a woman across the face during an argument.

You froze. You didn't even hear your friend ask if you were alright because you were so lost in your thoughts. Your entire body was just frozen but your heart was exploding with fear and your brain was running through old memories that you tried so hard to push down.

You had get out of there. You just wanted your Cordelia. You wanted to smell her sweet scent and feel her warm arms around you to remind you that you were safe.

You excused yourself from your friend, making up an awful excuse that you were tired. But with the alcohol, she believed you.

You didn't think to call an uber or Cordelia or even one of the girls to pick you up. You just wanted to get home so, you started walking, even in the pouring rain.

It wasn't a long walk though. About a half an hour later, you already arrived at the academy.

You tried to quietly open the door. But it was no use. The door was creaky. And immediately, Cordelia jumped up from the couch, throwing her book down when she had heard it open.

She knew you would be drunk, so she was expecting a call from you so she could pick you up. It surprised her when she saw you standing in the doorway, soak and wet with tears brewing in your eyes.

Right as you saw her, all your tears began pouring out all over again. Would she be mad? Would she hurt- No, Cordelia would never.

She looked worried, and you couldn't help but hate yourself for being the cause of that. You shoved your face in your hands, you didn't want her to see you like this. You never told her about your past and you never want to.

"Baby, what happened?" Her voice was tired, she stayed up waiting for you to call her. You felt awful.

You just kept on crying. Because what were you supposed to tell her? That you started to panic when you witnessed someone get slapped because it reminded you of your own past. That exactly what you would have to tell her. You couldn't do that nor could you even imagine what Cordelia would think if you told her everything.

Her arms wrapped around you. Her soft, warm arms that you've been longing for the whole way home. Yet you still flinched. You grew tense and you felt Cordelia too. But once it processed through your brain that she wouldn't hurt you, you relaxed. Matter of fact, you just fell limp, right into her arms.

"Okay, let's get you upstairs" she didn't want the girls to walk in on you like this.

When you had made it up to your room that you shared with Cordelia, she gently placed you on the bed. You didn't want her to continue to worry but you really had no silly excuse to make up. You couldn't even blame it on the alcohol because you were never this emotional and it was already starting to wear off anyways.

"Love, talk to me. What happened?" She spoke with caution, scared that she would hurt you more than you already were.

"Can't tell you" you mumbled into the crook of her neck. It was hardly audible but she heard it, barely. "You can tell me anything, angel." She lifted your chin up. Your face was a mess; mascara smudged, tear stains, puffy eyes. If this wasn't a serious situation then she would've giggled at you. "No, I can't, Delia. You'll think less of me."

"You're my best friend, y/n. And the love of my life. There's nothing that would make me love you any less." You looked into her eyes. Welcoming and sincere. You could trust her.

"It happened before I came here." You started and looked down, too ashamed. "I was abused. By my parents. Every single day. It just always got worse. They would hit me and scream at me, cuss me out and call me everything in the book. But I couldn't do anything about it." You choked on your own sob. And then you felt a loving hand on your shoulder. "Then I came here and I haven't been in contact with them since. I always just try to ignore those memories and shove them down. I wanted to start fresh. But when I was at the party, I saw some guy hit this girl. I don't know why but I- I started to get all nervous and all those memories came back up."

You watched as tears dropped onto both yours and Cordelia's lap. It felt nice to finally unload that, you never told anyone before.

"Baby..."she hooked a finger under your chin and lifted your head up so all your attention was on her now. "I'm so so sorry, angel" her voice sounded broken herself. She hated seeing you upset.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She didn't seem angry. You were surprised. Not because Cordelia ever got angry with you, she rarely did but, you were used to your parents getting so angry when you would keep something from them. You thought that, that behavior was normal. Because that's all you've ever known.

"I don't know. I didn't want anything to change and I didn't want to put all my problems on you." You said truthfully. "Nothing would ever change, sweetheart. Not over something like this." she grabbed your hands. Nothing but warmth. "And i'm here to listen to you, to help you. Always."

You gave her a small smile. Still visibly shaken though. It was clear to her that you were still a little anxious from the event that occurred at the party.

"You're safe with me, baby. I'll never let anyone hurt you again. I promise" She pulled you onto her lap and you immediately melted into her. She was your source of comfort.

After a few moments, you finally collected yourself and began to speak again.

"I have a huge scar of my back from my mom. Everyday I look at it in the mirror and for just a second, I can feel the pain again." She stared at you for a moment. Tears were in her eyes. Then you looked down and noticed her hand on the hem of your shirt. "Can I?" she asked. You were hesitant. You didn't want to her see in but she was already halfway there. You just nodded, hesitantly.

She lifted your shirt over your head and discarded it beside her. You slowly turned your back to her. Your movements were unsure but Cordelia was nothing but patient with you.

You gasped when you felt her fingers trace along it. It didn't hurt, you just never had anyone see.

"Did I hurt you?" she asked with her finger now only hovering over it now.

"No. I just never had anyone see it before."

Seconds later you felt her lips placing kisses along it. You didn't even noticed the tears start to slowly roll down your face. "What are you doing" You didn't want her to stop.

"No one has ever kissed it better before, so i'm doing it now." She didn't just kiss it better, but she replaced the hurt and filled it with love.