Joke: A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if they have any luggage. The photon says, "no, I'm traveling light."
Quote: "Tell me how I could help you out, I could hold you down When I see you crying" - Feel You Now by THE DRIVER ERA
Summary: Key points -picture day -Harry surpassed 100 million streams for all songs -can't go to Atlanta to see him 😭 -love hanging with my bro -can't wait for this weekend!!
Okay, today was quite pleasant. I just realized I've used the word "quite" a lot today and recently.... Hmmm... we'll today was just like any other I guess. It was rainy and cold for most of the day but it was enjoyable rain because it hasn't rained in a while.
Today was school picture day. Oh man, I love how they don't make it a big deal. They just call down kids by last name letter, take your pic, then you're done. That's it, no trouble. Although.... The photographer took my pic while I was blinking, so that may interesting...
Harry has become the first Male Artists whose songs (all of them) have surpassed 100 million streams!!
Harry's in Atlanta right now performing and I can't see him 😭 whyyyyyyyyyyy must be be so cruel?? Also, a recent pic of him at the show tonight on liams discord:
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They captioned it "twizzler Harry" and I honestly couldn't agree more.
So once I got home from school, I kept reading Ankles and Awkwardness (on wp). It is literally going to be my comfort fic. It is the first book in a while to actually make me laugh and want to read a ton a ton in a while. I just love it sooo much! I ended up taking a quick nap cause I was tired. Then I got to revising chemistry and taking notes for next class. She literally assigned us an 8 pg packet of homework due next class. Ugh. Then I helped my bro study for a social studies test he has tomorrow. Then I watched a couple episodes of Freelancers (by JK Studios on YouTube - go check them out!! They are hilarious!) with him. It is really nice to just chill and talk with him.
I also almost outed myself today... I've been contemplating my coming out as ace aggressively the last couple days, idk why. I really want to get a black ring but not super possible rn. I literally was like convinced I'd tell my bro because my parents weren't home and I knew I could trust him. But then I was like, well he would have to keep it a secret for a while and then it would probably push forward my coming out to before graduation, and that's not what I want. So I forced myself to not. It hurts me being in the closet, but I don't really have a choice. Also, at school many kids are homophobic without knowing they are. They call everything/everyone they don't approve of "gay" and it really hurts my heart. I just have to sit there and not comment because if I engaged... 1- id make it that much worse, 2- I'd end up outing myself somehow, 3- it would make me lose like all my friends probably... just really hurts. I have a quick story to tell actually about this kinda thing.
So at my climbing gym there is a like floor behind the wall. There's a big room behind the wall, and the "floor" is the ceiling of the room. So if you climb up to the top and look over it you can see the ceiling and it's covered in dust. At practice on wednesday, one of my teammates (I'm gonna call them by letters to keep them anonymous. Hope you don't mind), C saw that another team member H had written their name in the dust of the ceiling. Then they moved along the wall to see someone wrote "gay B" (B is another teammate) as well. Their immediate reaction was to laugh and joke about it, as if gay wasn't a normal thing or something like that. They acted as if it was a joking matter. I made no comment/reaction. Then I looked over at B to see his reaction. He was kinda blushing and staying quiet about it, like shy when it was being discussed. He also kinda looked at the rest of the team as if he was gaging their reaction to it. And then he went to climb so he could avoid the conversation. So I have suspicions and my just slightly developed lgbtqia+ radar has been pinging slightly recently too... I am not trying to be derogatory or assume his sexuality but now I have suspicions. I want to go up and write "love is love" near it so when he maybe looks back at it, they know somebody is supportive at least. I know my gym would be 100% accepting of me if I came out because they have a rule saying we don't discriminate based on these things (then lists all the things), but I don't know how my friends would take it. I want to take action against these stereotypes and make everyone feel supported no matter what. I just don't have the courage to do it.
You know what? What if I come out to my best friend E on Halloween? And see how it goes? Ask her to keep it a secret? Then go from there? Or if it doesn't work, make a statement to my teammates about what happened Wednesday and explicitly tell them what my stance on LGBTQIA+ rights and treatment is? I seriously need you guys help on this so pleaaseeee comment here to help me.
Yay, coming out thoughts at 10.45 at night! Hooray... welp, I have school early tomorrow and I have to rest for my climbing comp this weekend too, so I better stop while I can.
