Gabriella's Daily Diary

Day 78

Date: 4.12.21
Joke: meet Gaston, the winner of the No-Belle prize! Why didn't Anna and elsas parents teach them all the letters of the alphabet? Cause they got lost at C!

Quote: "i don't know why everything's changed" - change (unreleased) by Louis Tomlinson

Summary:
Lonngggg day, but super fun. I'm so tired.

I was up at like 7 to put a load of laundry in really quickly and then I laid in bed for a while reading. Then I finally got up, ate breakfast, and switched the laundry over. I got ready for the day. Today was a big day! It was comp day!! I sped got ready and then we went to meet my friend who was taking me. It was E and A! On the way there, we just talked and read each other mini stories we had ranted to each other. When we got there, like an hour and a half early, we discovered we couldn't go in until literally 20 min before we climbed. It made me kinda mad cause i didn't really get a solid warmup. But instead we ate a quick lunch and did some karaoke in the parking lot. It was super fun! When we were f I n a l l y let in they literally had like no space to warm up on. You had about 200+ kids stuffed into a single room with half a wall to warm up on. It didn't really work out. So they released us into the big room early to warm up on their moon board and tension board as well. Still difficult to warm up but it happened. Then I had to help A with an emotional breakdown cause she broke her ankle at the last comp, and she was scared of making it worse. So then I got to climbing and had so so so so much fun! There were some super cool routes! But they were really hard. Super comp-y and weird moves. I'm not used to it. But I had tons and tons of fun!

Then on the way back home, A, E, and I had karaoke session of Hamilton. No hate to Hamilton but I've heard it slightly too much... kinda got annoying but E has a beautiful voice so I'll sacrifice it. Literally I could listen to her voice all day! I love her. But today I was reminded about reality vs expectation/imagination. More later. So they ended up dropping me off at my house and then they headed out. I unpacked my stuff and ate something And I've been just chillin since then. I'm so tired. But like a pleasant tired, accomplished tired.

I'm realizing I have 2 modes- super hyper outgoing and loud and super quiet introverted. And it's based on my energy level in general. I am pretty introverted and content to listen to stories when im not hyped up on sugar, adrenaline, or just general energy coming from the people around me. And then the crash from that, makes me even more introverted. And I think my friends are kinda noticing that a bit more. A not as much. E has started to get it. When I'm quiet, especially after a crash, I spend more time enjoying the moment, and I smile a lot more. She starts like teasing me and is a lot more funny when I'm like it and i really enjoy it.

Now I'm homesick even though I'm home. We are planning to go out to ski this winter for 3 weeks during Christmas break (break is only 2 weeks but we are staying another week for fun). And I don't want to. I mean I want to but I don't. I want to be at home more than I want to travel right now. I think mainly cause of Palm Springs, a forced travel away. I don't want to leave and I want to feel safe and I'm scared. I'm scared I don't have a true home. Cause if I can't feel at home while being at home then where is home. And my parents keep bringing up how there might not be a good snow year this year and it could be trashy like last year. And if we aren't skiing, there's no point in going out there. So they say we'll stay. And I miss Christmas. We haven't celebrated it properly in like 4 years cause we have been skiing. Which is awesome and I don't regret those trips but I miss it. We haven't gotten a tree or done decorations during those years either. I want to spend a Christmas at home for once. I miss home. And love. I've been drowning myself in my friends cause I don't feel too much love from my family. I get it from my mom a bit and my older younger brother even more. But the youngest bro is causing problems in the family. He is very emotional and I think he does it to gain attention, but idk for sure. And he screams at my parents and they have to scream back to get him to listen. It's not all the time but a lot of it. It makes the mood really low in our house now. And I hate it. I wish I could drive then I'd be more free. I want to be free but I want a wing to sit under too. And I'm scared too cause I see a close future with E, being college roomies and being math majors together, but I want to do different things than her. I want to go to the uk and she is going to a local state school, and I want to travel the world and move out but she wants to stay here. Where she knows about everything. I hate it. Cause I want to experience things with her but I want to do my own thing too. don't mind me crying profusely rn. I'm good, I promise... maybe. Just need a hug from someone.

Thanks for reading!
Love you guys <3

Ps don't die 😭

Oh I also want to add that I may be accidentally starving myself cause I don't eat much over the day and I go to bed with stomach growling each night. Even though I still eat stuff