Gabriella's Daily Diary

Day 84

Date: 10.12.21
Joke: Why didn't the library have a clock? Because it tocks too much!

Quote: "Talk fast, romance, Won't last, I'm okay with that, Burn, crash, romance, I'll take what I can get from you" - Talk Fast (5SOS)

Summary:
So today was great! During the day it was long but now it's great! I was up kinda late but went to school. It was very long day cause I had a lot of my "free" classes today. I ended up finishing my math for this week and half of next week, which is awesome! Then I had to give a presentation in English and I did great, I think I just talked too fast. Pretty good though.

Then I had climbing. We Boulder projected and one of my friends got two super hard climbs he has been working on. It was epic! Then we split into groups and did stations: workout, campus board, and tension board - working on big moves. I think it was a good practice, but I have to say I don't like being critiqued on every single attempt on a climb. It gets tiring really fast.

Then I got home and told my dad that I haven't seen the matrix yet. So we had a movie night. I have to say, it was a masterpiece. A true masterpiece. Really well choreographed and put together.

But yeah now I'm headed to bed. I get to go climb with E all day tomorrow which will be awesome!!

I have been noticing things with one of my school friends. I'm gonna call her O. So O wants to be a politician when she grows up and she has some very defined opinions and it is very hard for her to listen to another side of the argument without having some kind of input on why it's wrong. But she is very contradictory to herself, mainly when it comes to LGBTQ rights and people. It bothers me so so so much. Like a lot. But I know if I speak out it will make it worse. But today at lunch she was like "like it's not so hard to respect someone's pronouns, like just get them right" and I was happy cause she's defending it, then next thing I know she's saying "oh yeah he's definitely gay, he looks it, so he is. Yeah they're queer," or "yeah that's so gay." Like totally Just slurring the entire community. And it hurts me. Every time she says anything remotely related to lgbtq I have to start tuning it out cause it is always against them. She's queerphobic but can't see it and won't change even if I see it and tell her. Also I found out something that has been bothering me unnecessarily. So in textbooks or stuff, they say stuff like "he or she would have to..." or "he or she that" and I'm just like "just use theyyyy, it's so much faster and easier!!!!" It's random it bothers me but it does.

I was talking to my dad about college today and how I want to be completely independent when I go. Like not dependent on him at all. And he kinda got mad and said he wanted to help me in any way cause he loves me... I question if my parents love me. I know my brother loves me, one of them not the other. I want to come out to them but so much can go wrong and I don't have a way out right now, other than E. That's why I love her so much. I'm afraid E isn't enough of an escape.

I'm afraid. I imagine a life with E, just besties having fun together all the time. But I shouldn't let her hold me back. I want to go to the uk and she shouldn't stop me. I want to do something with math, not just a high school math teacher. I don't want to be independent but I long to be at the same time.

I'm gonna fall asleep before I break down. Thanks for reading!
Love you guys <3

Pls don't die 😭 28_sunshine_2

I love you, please don't do this. If you die, I will lose one of the most relatable friends I've ever come across, even if it is virtually. I need you. And if you do go through with it, then the world would have lost a beautiful soul that had a lot of potential. Please don't do it, but who am I to tell you what to do🥺😭