Break Me || Harry Potter

Chapter 24- Can I be whole again?

I thought that I had out cried myself in the months I was gone. I had cried so much then I was convinced that my body was just a dry, almost lifeless hunk of flesh. Apparently not. Because the tears coming out of my eyes right now were more than all of the tears I had spilled in my life. In seconds my shirt was soaked, and in a minute, the soft ground I was sitting in was mud. Harry and Ron just wrapped me in them and held me while I sobbed. I clutched them tightly; I never wanted to let go. They were my anchors.

"Saige, its okay, your safe now," Harry whispered in my ear, rubbing my back. Ron had pulled back and was holding my hand, rubbing the small cuts all over it, making me feel a tiny bit better. I had eased myself off my scraped knees, but I still had my head rested on Harry's shoulder, allowing him to wrap his arms easily around me. His shoulder was soaked, I still had tears streaming from my eyes, but they were silent tears now. Not the gross sobbing I had been doing moments ago. Now I just needed to cry, to just let go of everything for just a few minutes.

"Nothings okay," I muttered into his shoulder. I opened my eyes weakly and saw Ron looking at me sympathetically. I closed my eyes again and tried to stop my shoulders from shaking. Taking deep breaths, I sat up from Harry's embrace, but I let both of the boys keep their hold on my hands.

"Saige, you're back. We can fix this. You're safe." Ron said. I looked at him and tried to smile, but I think it came out wrong. "We should go inside though, it's going to get dark soon. Can you come inside?" He asked softly. I remembered the feeling of having the door shut behind me, remembered the crack that splintered through me as I lost it. Hopefully, this time I wouldn't break down. I was already broken beyond repair. So, I gave Ron a small nod and let the boys pull me up. They noticed my limp and put their arms around me, lifting me slightly up. I didn't say anything as they half-carried me half-led me into the house, and I braced myself when I looked into the eyes of the family who was seated in front of me. I didn't hear Fred shut the door behind me, but I was half thankful for that, because then I wouldn't freak out.

I tried to sit down, but stumbled, so Harry and Ron helped ease me into a large armchair in the corner of the small living room. I looked around, then at the seven people staring at me. I couldn't speak, but I made a weak mental note to thank everyone for caring for me. I subconsiously grabbed for my necklace, but fell back into an icy pool of pain when my fingers could find the cool metal. 

"Saige? Are you okay?" Fred broke the silence with an ice pick. I looked at him, then at his twin, two of the people whom I loved in my life, who made my life fun and exciting and amazing. My quidditch buddies.

I shook my head.

"What do you need sweetie?" Mrs. Weasley stepped forward and placed a loving hand on my knee. She reminded me so much of my mother. I wanted to say that I wanted my family, that I wanted to be with them, that I wanted to be dead. But I knew enough about mothers to hold back and say something less frightening. And besides, I doubt my voice would work if I tried to say that.

"I'm-I'm cold." I managed. I tried to reach for the ghost of my necklace, but my fingers were frozen. I hoped nobody saw my attempt. Mrs. Weasley nodded and looked at Ron, who ran out of the room and returned with a home-knitted blanket. Mrs. Weasley took it from Ron and softly draped it over my shoulders. I closed my eyes, savoring the warmth after months of coldness and numbness.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mrs. Weasley asked. I shook my head. I knew there was no way that I would be able to talk about it anytime soon.

"Can I sleep here?" I asked. I braced myself for the answer I was dreading, but Mrs. Weasley smiled.

"Of course dear, you are always welcome here." She stood up and walked over to Ginny. I looked at the small girl, scared at seeing someone so like her, just a year older than her breaking down. "Ginny can sleep in Percy's old bedroom, and you can have hers. Do you need anything else?" I shook my head and shakily stood up. I ignored the looks from everyone else as I walked to the stairs. "First door on the right darling." I nodded and walked up each step, wobbling a bit but making it up. I looked at the first door on the right, and saw the small feminine marks here and there. The small pink strands of string, holding up a sign that said "knock first". When I opened the door I was met with a room so opposite mine, so different than the place I once called home. I ignored everything in the room, and flopped onto the soft bed, breathing in the unfamiliar smell of lilac and sage. Sage. The plant. Like my name. The name I had almost forgotten. The name given to me by the family that was dead. I tried to push the horrible thought out of my head. But it stayed, and it stayed until I fell into a deep but cold sleep, and stayed until I forgot everything, and slipped into a nightmare.