Break Me || Harry Potter

Chapter 84 - Hiraeth

Summer passed by, pretty uneventful. It was currently the first week of August, and the Weasley's were preparing for Harry and Hermione to come over. I was anxious, but still hiding my anxieties behind a wall of sass and anger – as per usual.

"Saige? You heading to bed?" A mob of crimson hair popped through my door. I looked up from the book I was reading – an old one that I had already read. Ron stood with his pjs on, but I could tell he wasn't that sleepy. Sleepy Ron meant barely able to stand – trust me. I had been living with the kid for the past few months.

"Not sure, might stay up for a bit," I mumbled, closing the book and tossing it on the small wooden table next to my bed. Fred and George had moved to their apartment over their new prank store so Mrs. Weasley had given me their room. It was nice to have a room meant for two, and I was more than thankful because I knew how they were pressed for money and space.

Ron stepped into my room, picking up the book I had just set down.

"Night?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. I shrugged.

"Remember the muggle's WWII? The First Wizarding War?" I asked. Ron nodded, walking to plop down into the chair next to the table. "Well, that book's a true story of a holocaust survivor – it's pretty deep and powerful. I read it a while back when I had some off time – my mother had the book," I explained.

"Wow," He breathed. We sat in silence for a moment. Ron finally spoke up. "Saige?" He asked.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice a lot softer. I sat back, hating that I was falling back into this loop.

"Define 'okay'," I said steadily. I didn't mind taking with Ron, we had been all summer – I hadn't however, told him or Hermione about the prophecy yet. Harry and I hadn't even spoken much about it either.

"Like, you seem guarded. But at the same time mournful?" Ron asked. I could see the genuine concern in his eyes, and I was grateful for it. But, talking about this stuff wound a tight knot in me – one that would be there for a while. I tried to convince myself that the best way to get things off my chest was to talk to somebody about them, but that tactic didn't always work.

"Ron, do you know what hiraeth is?" I asked. Ron shook his head. I glanced at the chest sitting in the corner of the room. My chest – from my first year. My guitar case leaned against it. They gathered dust.

"No," Ron said slowly, looking at me oddly. I sat forward, curling my legs underneath me.

"It's a sickness for a home you never had – a false reality you wish you could live in but never can. Have you ever felt that?" I asked. I was sure Ron could sense I was diverting the conversation, but I ignored it. Ron sat forward, thinking.

"Well, not exactly. Why?" He asked. I shrugged.

"I guess after everything that has happened I find myself wishing for a different reality more often than not. Just an observation," I waved my hand. I paused for a moment then released a breath. "But I guess a lot of things have been building up lately too. I – I need to get something off my chest," I mumbled, running a hand over my face.

"Yeah, of course...What's the matter?" Ron asked softly. I tried to shake my stress off.

"After I uh- woke up – I went to talk to Dumbledore remember?" I started. Ron nodded. "Well, to put this in simple words I guess, Harry wasn't the only one with a prophecy," I mumbled. Ron looked at me with wide eyes.

"What?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. I nodded sadly.

"I don't know much, but I do have these," I told him as I stood, padding over to the table and pulling the ripped out pages and the orb from the bottom drawer. I handed them to Ron, walking back to sit on the bed as he listened to the prophecy and read through the pages. His eyes widened even more.

"You-wand-final-what?" He stumbled over his words as he looked up at me. I smiled sadly.

"I guess my life's just one sad, ephemeral mess," I summed up. Ron looked up. I was surprised to see tears lining his eyes.

"Saige –" His lower lip was aquiver. He walked over and sat next to me on the bed, neither of us speaking. His shoulders were tense.

"I know," I whispered. "I know." The whole idea was ineffable – too insane to even being to think it was actually happening. I was still in denial.

"So you're – going – not past 18?" Ron asked quietly. I looked straight ahead, refusing to let tears slip out of my eyes. I nodded. Ron took a shaky breath.

"I can feel it too – it's like I've always known," I said, recalling the feeling of the original epiphany. "I just hope I get to kill him before I go," I said quietly. Ron rested his face in his hands, still trying to accept my fate.

"There has to be some way – prophecies are never clear-" He muttered between his pale fingers. I placed my hand on his back.

"Ron, I've accepted my fate. I'm not going to spend the last 2 years of my life worrying about it," I told him truthfully. He sat back up, looking at me. I quietly reached up and wiped a tear off his cheek.

"At least you still have two years right?" He forced a smile but I could hear the melancholy in his voice. I managed a weak smile.

"Yup, and I'm planning on making your lives hell," I joked, my grin growing. Ron chuckled casually wrapping an arm around me. I leaned into his shoulder, cherishing the momentary safety of his arms.

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The rest of the summer passed quickly, especially with the return of Harry and Hermione. I told Hermione what I had told Ron and gotten a much similar reaction, but Hermione was set on finding me a way out. I let her only because I knew no about of dubbing it down would make her let it go, but it hurt my heart to see her try so hard for nothing. The four of us visited Fred and George's shop multiple times, dropping by to buy tricks, candies, and spy on the other kids. One of the days we were there Harry and the others were sure of spotting a death eater in the empty streets of Diagon Alley, but I was too wrapped up in a bet with Fred to notice the three of them slip out and wander down the streets. When they came back however, they were moody and quiet. Which of course made me moody and quiet, which resulted in all of us stalking on the way back to the Burrow.

It was finally the night before school and I was sitting in my room, staring at the packed trunk in front of me. I had already packed, my magic coming in handy for fitting everything, but I couldn't bring myself to grab my guitar from the corner. I remembered how much it used to be a part of me – a fragment of my life that shaped who I was. And yet, I hadn't played it in months. And I couldn't bring myself too. It was the last glimpse of who I used to be – the girl Saige Walker once was.

I rubbed my eyes once I tore them away, watching the phosphenes dance on the insides of my eyelids before sliding into bed and extinguishing the lights with a flick of my fingers. 

guys im so sorry for the short chapter even after like a month of not updateing - have major writers block but hopefully i can get a few more short chapters in soon... so sorry... love you all tho!

xxsyd