Saige Walker didn't see her wand as her fate when she first got it from Ollivanders when she was eleven. She just saw it as her ticket to hogwarts, her ticket into the world her parents and older brother had been living in for years. Little did she...
I can say this because she avoided me like the plague for the next few days, and to be honest, I didn't blame her. She probably hated me for killing muggles. I just didn't know what to do.
I did spend the following days planning and learning as much as I could from Sirius and Remus about the Order and the stakes at hand. I was half surprised and half horrified with the news. Surprised that the Order had actually managed to not get wiped out by Voldemort or myself before, and horrified that this was all they had. Just a hunch about a prophecy and the word of a celebrity and a crackpot old man. I knew I had to start to pit the others off their feet.
The other alarming thing was Harry. He had been attacked by dementors and was now being punished for it. I was enraged that the Minister actually accused Harry of using magic for just the sake of it. I wanted to go with Harry to his hearing, but Sirius was worried that I would be arrested and killed on sight. I had countered this with the fact that I one; had cut off my hair; two; that I looked completely different than before. However, he mentioned that I would probably throw a tantrum and give away my powers, which resulted in my moping around the house angrily for the next few hours.
In this time I had also caught up with everyone and fixed my quarrel with Harry. It had still been a small rock stuck in my chest, but I was glad to be rid of the guilt that lay with it.
The other thing I did was write letters to the people who I missed dearly. Draco, Mina, Hayley, and Brooklyn. I was worried sick about the girls and I had no idea if they had been told about my return.
As for Draco, I tried to pour as much of my gratitude as possible into the letter. I owed my life to him. Without his appearance that day, I would still be a monster trapped in a horrible cage.
I had just let Remus's owl out of the window when I heard a quiet knock on the door to the room I was in. I flicked my fingers over my shoulder to open the door but didn't turn around as someone walked in. I cleaned up my writing stuff, but a small voice stopped my hand in mid air.
"Saige? Can I talk to you?"
Hermione.
I had been dreading this talk for a while. I had no idea how to mend things with my friend.
"Yeah, of course," I said, turning around and taking in Hermione's form in the doorway. She had grown considerably- she now stood just a few centimeters shorter than me. Her hair had finally lost its frizz, and now fell in beautiful natural curls around her head. I bit my lip.
"I- I wanted to apologize. I have been acting really bad to you lately," She mumbled, for once unconfident in her words. I stood up from the desk I was sat at and walked over to the bed, patting a spot next to me for her to sit down.
"Hey, listen to me. I totally understand why you feel the way you do. You have nothing to apologize for," I said, looking at my friend. Hermione's eyes were lined with silver tears.
"No, I need too. It really isn't fair to you- you had no control. I guess I just wasn't expecting it, and I spent the last few months thinking you were dead and I just missed you so much and- oh Saige, I'm just so happy you're alive," she sputtered, burying her face in her hands. My heart lurched. I didn't say anything but leaned over and wrapped my friend in a hug. Her arms tightened around me, but her shoulders shook violently. I felt my own eyes water.
We sat like that for a few moments, just savoring the fact that both of us were alive. I of course didn't hold anything against her for her actions, and it did take a load of weight off my shoulders to know she didn't hate me entirely. I shut my eyes tightly and held on to her, not even acknowledging when someone knocked on the door. They must've peeked in and saw us, because all I heard was the door shutting and footsteps walking away. It didn't matter though, I didn't let go of Hermione.
We sat hugging each other for a solid ten minutes. After Hermione's sobs lessened, I pulled away, placing my hands on her shoulders.
"Saige, I don't blame you for any of it," she whispered. I pulled her forward and leaned her forehead against mine.
"Thank you," I said softly, the full unconscious fear of people hating me for what I did slamming into me. For a moment, my shoulders shuddered and shook and my eyes betrayed me as hot tears rolled down my cheeks. But then it lessened, knowing that maybe they didn't hate me, maybe I could make it up.
"Can we go back to teasing the boys?" I laughed weakly. Hermione burst into laughter, and for the next half and hour we sat up gossiping about this and that, cackling with laughter every twenty seconds. And just for a little while, I was able to forget about all the bad in the world.
Laughter really is the best medicine.
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yeah yeah i know the gifs dont quite match.... im not a master at finding gifss. (oh and just so you know, I say when one of these gifs are mine - otherwise, I dont want to take credit for other peoples work!) ^ so yeah these two aren't mine
The next few weeks leading up to our return to school were once again, hard. Like last year, I was nervous about returning. Once again, the school thought I was dead. Once again, I wasn't.
Seriously, I was starting to beat Harry with the amount of times I have defied death. Jeez Louise.
We had decided that I would take on a fake wand, to hide my powers. They didn't want teachers and untrustworthy kids getting an idea about me- that would spark too much fear. I would be expelled immediately.
It still sat uncomfortably in my stomach that I would be lying to everyone I knew. Deep down, I knew I would have to tell some other people- they deserved to know.
Also, just like last time, we told McGonagall- not Dumbledore- about me, including my secret. She- once again- was surprised and thankful, understanding our concerns and offering to help stifle the rumors and hide my identity. I would still be Saige Walker, but I was playing the old me- the me that no longer existed.
It was a thought that sat weirdly with me. For the past few weeks, I had noticed a visible and hidden change in myself. I was stronger, cried a lot less, never felt the constant fear of Voldemort, and had more determination than ever. I knew that the old Saige, the one that hugged Harry that day before Christmas break was gone for good.
It was a thought that I was surprised didn't scare me.
