Break Me || Harry Potter

Chapter 80 - Memories

Darkness. A drousy nightmare. Fighting fighting fighting. A breakaway. Light, dark, light. Loud explosions, bright lights. A cage, pain. Pain pain pain.

"Saige?"

My eyes flicked open as I breathed in a breath of fresh air. Immediately light burned through my head, giving me a painful headache, but I was glad for the escape from the horrid nightmare I had been living through before. I blinked hazily around, trying to collect my memories. What had happened? The last clear thing I remembered was arguing with Snape and Umbridge – or something... My head buzzed. I looked frantically around for the source of my name.

"Hey? You good?" Harry said softly as he watched me. I finally realized where I was. The hospital wing at Hogwarts. Bright light filtered through the large windows, bathing the room in a golden glow. Harry's face looked strangely angelic in the light.

"Harry – what – how?" I stammered, trying to sit up in the bed. I was wearing a white cotton tee shirt and light grey sweatpants. My brother's pajamas. My legs were tucked beneath soft white blankets.

"Hey hey hey, take it easy. You've been sleeping for three days," Harry said softly, helping me sit up. I noticed a sharp pain in my side but couldn't remember why. My neck also hurt, again from a cause I wasn't aware of. I looked up at Harry's face, noting a small healed scar on his cheek. Then I registered his words.

"Three days? What happened? Why can't I remember anything –" I asked frantically. I racked my brain for anything, but nothing came up. My hysterics rose. Harry sighed. He opened his mouth to say something when the door of the hospital wing opened. Footsteps sounded through the wing, the brush of a long cloak whispering against the cool stone.

"Ah, Miss Walker, you are awake." Dumbledore said. Harry sat up but kept his gaze on me. I shifted to look at the old man.

"Yeah," was I all said. I didn't know what to think. For some reason, I felt odd hatred and disrespect towards the man in front of me, but I couldn't remember any new reason. I have always disliked Dumbledore, but for some reason something had changed that I couldn't remember.

"How are you feeling? You have an extremely high pain tolerance," Dumbledore said calming, flicking his wand and conjuring a chair. He sat at the end of the bed, looking between Harry and I.

"I – I can't remember anything, why can't I remember?" I said frantically, rubbing the sore spot on my neck.

Dumbledore sighed. "The trauma you experienced was too great for your young mind to handle. Madam Pomfrey had to create a barrier between your memories and your mind to keep you sane." He said. I gaped at him.

Trauma was too great?

"Break it down. Now," I said angrily, giving myself a headache from trying to remember. Now that Dumbledore said it, I could tell there was something, like a thin veil of mist, keeping me from the images of what had happened.

"Knowing what happened that night will kill you Ms. Walker," Dumbledore said. Harry finally spoke up.

"Wait, you purposely locked her memories away?" He said, anger lining his voice. I noticed Harry took my hand. For some reason, I was grateful to not hate my friend. Something had happened that had changed everything.

"Harry, you must understand that if Saige remembers the mental trauma she went through at the ministry –"

"We went to the ministry?" I asked furiously. I hated this – hated not knowing. My anger flared.

"So we can't tell her?" Harry said, giving my hand a soft squeeze. Something about that calmed me slightly more than I thought it would.

"No, I am sorry. But if that wall breaks inside her head, Saige most likely wont be able to live." Dumbledore said calmly. Fury turned in my gut.

"Why are you so calm about this? You just expect me to be able to live my life, not knowing what happened? Not knowing what I did? That's why you're hiding it right? I did something – something bad happened that you don't want me to remember," I hissed furiously. My hands, which were wrapped in crisp bandages, hummed with light. I glared at Dumbledore.

"Saige, you actually don't want to know," Harry said softly. I turned to look at him with horror.

"Tell me," I hissed. "Tell me now," I said, my voice deadly calm. Harry averted his gaze. Some absent feeling filled my body, an effect of whatever went on that I couldn't remember.

"Well, I have business to attend to. I wish you a successful recovery Miss Walker," Dumbledore said fakely. I whirled on him.

"So that's it? A get-well wish? How can you live with yourself? You could've helped me – prevented all of this. Now your locking my memories away so I don't know what happened? So I'll never be able to defend myself against whatever happened that night?" I cried, my head throbbing. Dumbledore didn't turn, but just walked out of the hospital wing without a word. I screamed through my teeth in fury, clenching my fists so hard that my nails cut past the bandages and into my skin.

"Saige?" Harry asked softly. I turned to yell at him, but my anger dissipated.

"Harry, what happened?" I asked softly, tears filling my eyes. Harry met my gaze, his beautiful emerald green eyes glinting in the sunrise.

"I – I can't tell you. What Dumbledore said was true – if you knew, it would kill you. You – you would never get over it," Harry said sadly. Tears spilled over my eyes as a sense of disparity filled me. I brought my hands to my face, crying quietly into my hands. So many emotions were swirling around me, with no memories of explanations to why there were there.

There was sorrow, pain, power, triumph – those were the least painful ones. Then there was a huge fight in my head, a ghost of a feeling that I recognized but couldn't place. Then, there was the betrayal. Something had happened that night that broke my heart in two – I could still feel the raw pain, the cracks in my already shattered heart. I yearned to know what broke me.

After a moment of crying quietly into my hands, Harry stood up and sat on the side of my bed, pulling me into an embrace. I leaned on his shoulder and closed my eyes as more tears spilled out. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. I didn't remember what had happened, but I wanted to apologize for being such a bitch to him in the past year.

Harry forgave me and apologized as well, holding me against his shoulder as tears spilled silently out of my eyes. Eventually I slipped into a slumber, a murky land of faceless boys grinning horribly, a faceless shadow of a girl clouding my thoughts, a faceless figure whispering into my ears.

I wondered if my helplessness showed in my sleep. 

Hey guys! I haven't said hi in a while.... 

So yeah, a whole lot of shist just went down... And Saige doesn't remember any of it. *Cackles evilly* Sorry for a short chapter, but I have some other stuff in mind so hopefully the next few chapters will be longer and interesting. 

And to anyone that shipped Draco and Saige... Well, sorry about that. :/ *giggles cause I have more things planned* Don't worry, I shipped them too so they are gonna meet again soon, but it might not be what y'all expected. Tee hee hee !

I also wanted to thank all of you guys who are still reading this from the bottom of my heart! I recently noticed that this story has 4.8k reads, and that's like the craziest thing! So, thank you thank you thank you! I love you all. <3<3<3

xx syd