One Chicago: Family Life Season 1

PTSD re: Andy - Grieving Again

"Because last time I grieved for him, he was just Andy...my goofy best friend. This time around...he's Andy, my brother-in-law."

Matt's POV: When I looked at Gabby and Heather, I swore they thought I was crazy. I just sighed and looked at Gabby because I needed her reassurance that what I was doing wasn't crazy. "Do I sound crazy for doing that Gabby?" Gabby shook her head when I asked her that. "Hey, of course not baby. At the time, you didn't know he was your brother-in-law...so you are grieving for the relationship you could've had with him. The relationship that you just learned about recently." 

Looking at Heather, I couldn't quite read her because I just know that this was probably quite overwhelming for her. "Heather, can you say anything? I want to know where you are." Heather just sighed and looked at me. "I guess it's a little weird when you say it out loud. I mean, I guess it makes some sense. At the same time, it sounds a little weird that you are grieving again. But, I am also struggling to take this in because I am taking it in as his widow as well as your sister."

I just sighed when she said that because I didn't even think about that part. "I am so sorry if I am putting you in a bad spot sis. I know this is probably really hard for you as well. I mean, we are talking about both your husband and my best friend." Heather nodded when I said that and sighed. "I guess it's just weird thinking about him because I can see how thrilled he would've been to know that you guys are brothers-in-law. I could just see you guys being together."

I then went to look at Gabby. "But there is something else you need to know Heather that you might not like." Gabby was confused when I said that. Grabbing her hand, I went to intertwine our fingers. "If I had to go back and do it again...I am not sure I would change anything. Before Andy died...stuff was great with Hallie. It was only after he died that things started to go downhill with her. So, is it a little selfish for me to say that I don't regret it? I mean, had he not died I might not have lost Hallie and then gotten together with Gabby. So, I am still struggling there."

Turning to look at me when I said that, I knew that Gabby saw the guilt in my eyes. Holding me close, she went to kiss me softly while rubbing my back. "I think you are in this situation where there is no right answer Matt." I nodded when Gabby said that before agreeing with her. "I just hope that you aren't mad when I said that Heather. If you are..." Heather shook her head. "No, I completely get it. It led you to the life of your dreams. You have Gabby and the kids. It wasn't a secret that the reason you called things off with Hallie was because she didn't want kids."

Gabby then went to rub my back and smiled at me. "How are you feeling now that this is all out in the open Matt?" I turned to look at her and smiled. "I am feeling better, a bit but...this is just part of my PTSD. I am not sure where I am when it comes to the firehouse. I am just glad the memorial we made to Andy and Boden didn't get ruined...I am positive that would've ruined me." Heather agreed with me when I said that. "It probably would have since you knew that Andy was your brother-in-law by then." I smiled at her and agreed. "He was always my brother."

Both Heather and Gabby smiled when I said that. "That's definitely true babe. Now, do you need to talk to us about anything else or do you want to go see the kids?" I then turned to look at Gabby and smiled at her. "I think a bit of time with the kids sounds good. Can we just go lay down in bed with them?" Gabby nodded and smiled when I asked her that. "Sure, but we are going to grab some lunch okay? I am starting to get hungry." I nodded and agreed with Gabby when she said that, smiling at her. "Then we need to get you some food. Let's go okay?"

Gabby nodded and agreed with me when I said that, getting up so that we can go grab lunch before heading downstairs to have a bit of time as a family.