One Chicago: Family Life Season 1

You Can Never Fail Me

Matt's POV - Part 1:
When Gabby said that she feels like she failed me, I knew right away (that even though this was supposed to be a time where we talked to make me feel better)...I needed to correct her and make her feel better. I never wanted her to feel like she failed me because that is impossible. In fact, she amazes me every single day because of how much she has on her plate. She is a mother to 6 (soon to be 7) kids. And she also has to deal with a husband who has PTSD. She is amazing.

"Gabby, please do not ever feel like you failed me okay babe? You can never fail me." Gabby sighed when I said that and just listened to me. "Gabby, you are not only my wife but, you are also the mother to our 6, almost 7 kids. You take on a lot and I do not expect you to know about everything that happens. Heck, I just recently accepted the reality that I have mental health issues. How are you expected to see them before I even acknowledge them babe?"

Gabby nodded when I said that before rolling over onto her side. Kissing her forehead, I went to rub her arm. "Talk to me Gabby and let me know how you are feeling." Gabby sighed as she looked up at me. "Matt, you are my husband. At the end of the day...it's my job to make sure that you are okay. If I didn't pick up the signs of mental health...what if our kids get it." I sighed when she said that before going to push her chin up. I then kissed her and just smiled at her.

"Gabby, you need to relax okay? You are never going to fail me, it's impossible. Now please just take a breath for me. Gabby nodded when I said that and went to take a few breaths for me. I then went to kiss her forehead and just grabbed her hand. "Gabby, I am sorry for blowing up at you okay? That was not fair what I did to you and I do not want anything to happen to the baby. By yelling at you, I raised the possibility that something was going to happen. I'm sorry."

Gabby then took at breath and went to rub my chest. "I guess I am just scared. I have never dealt with PTSD and Erin just make it look so easy. But when I am dealing with it with you...it feels so hard. And your PTSD isn't as bad as Jay's....sorry but that's true. Your PTSD is fire, his is military." I nodded when she said that. "Mine is more emotional though. You going into labor at the firehouse is part of my PTSD remember?" Gabby nodded when I said that and agreed.

"I guess I am just scared that we are going to grow apart because of your PTSD. What happens if you start blaming me for stuff that leads you to have more PTSD?" I shook my head when she said that. "That is never going to happen because I know that this is just as much a learning curve for you as it is for me Gabby." Gabby agreed with me when I said that and sighed. "Another thing that has been bothering me, you positive you are okay never being a firefighter again?"

Gabby's POV:
When I brought up the fact that Matt couldn't be a firefighter again, I could tell that something shifted in his demeanor. It was like that hurt him and I knew that was not a good sign. Just looking at Matt, I sighed as I went to wrap my arms around him. "Matt, take a breath again for me and just look at me. Please talk to me and don't shut down on me okay? You are able to talk to me, we both promised each other that." Matt nodded as he went to kiss my forehead.

"I guess the idea of never being a firefighter again has still not sunk in. Ever since we had the twins, I had this dream of me and Gabriel being at the same firehouse...with him being either one of my leaders like a captain or lieutenant like I was, or just something like that. For them to bar me has been hard on that dream." I agreed with him when he said that and could definitely understand why that was the case. "And does it have to be in Chicago?" Matt sighed.

"Gabby, I can't be a firefighter anywhere....so I am never sure if it can be a reality. Maybe we can be a paramedic duo instead." I nodded when he said that. Matt just looked at me when I didn't laugh. "Okay, you aren't laughing...I thought that was what was going to happen. Was what I said not funny?" I sighed when he asked me that. "If it didn't deal with your mental health baby, yes it would have been funny...but it's not funny because it's about your mental health."

Matt nodded when I said that before going to rub my arm. "Matt, you have always wanted to be a firefighter. I can tell that you are really hating the fact that you can't be one anymore. And I have gone from being a firefighter back to being a paramedic. I know it was for a good reason...me being pregnant and stuff. But, I am wondering whether you are really going to okay with it considering it's a step down for you from the top all the way to the bottom."

Taking a breath, I went to sit up and went to grab my water. "Sorry, it's hot out." Matt agreed with me and sat up. He then went to grab his water and took a sip too. "It's okay Gabby, you need to stay hydrated. You are pregnant. If you need to drink water while we are talking, then you need to take a drink." I nodded when he said that before going to get comfortable with him again. Matt just kissed my head and smiled as I went to cuddle up to him again.

"Okay, so about the whole it going from the top all the way to the bottom....Matt, you sure that that is what you would be okay with?" Matt sighed when I asked him that. "Honestly, I would be helping people so...I think that would be good enough." I nodded when he said that. "But good enough is not what I want for you. I want you to find a new passion. Matt, you like construction. I hate to say this but, maybe you should make that your job with the charity."

Matt looked at me and just heard me out. "I would rather you do something you are passionate about instead of just settling for a job that you can do because it deals with fires a bit. And I am also being selfish because I know where the ambulances go here in Puerto Rico. They go to really bad wildfires sometimes and I don't like the idea of you being near them when we are going to have 7 kids." Matt then agreed and went to kiss my forehead. "I understand."

I looked at him when he said that and sighed. "Do you really understand Matt or are you just saying that because you don't want to stress me out and yell at me?" Matt then went to run his fingers through my hair and shook his head. "I'm not mad because it is a good point. You are pregnant and me going near fires again...especially wildfires are probably not the best idea." I agreed with him when he said that before going to wrap my arms around his torso.

Matt's POV - Part 2:
As I felt Gabby wrap her arms around my torso, I could tell that there was something else bothering her. "Gabby, talk to me. Are you feeling guilty about this?" Gabby sighed when I asked her that. "Does that sound crazy...me feeling guilty about this? Matt, ever since I came back pregnant...your life has been on a downward spiral." Looking at Gabby when she said that, I nodded. "Yes...it's crazy because it's not true. My mistake was not coming here in the first place."

Gabby looked at me when I said that. "Had we just came here when we first thought about it right after we learned we were having triplets the first time...then maybe we would've never lost one of the triplets. Maybe call me selfish but...I think that is why I am so happy about us having this baby. It can, in a way, replace the baby that we lost." I went to put my hand on her stomach when I said that and just hoped that Gabby wasn't mad when I said that. Gabby then smiled.

"Honestly, that's not selfish at all baby because that is how I feel. This is our rainbow baby...well second." I smiled when she said that and nodded before going to kiss her forehead softly. "I really mean it though that we should've moved here in the first place. Us not doing that was a mistake." I then went to grab her hand and smiled as I intertwined our fingers. Gabby agreed with me and sighed. "Okay, we covered the guilts, the regrets, the jobs. Anything about kids?"

I looked at her when she said that. "Us not having anymore after this has already been decided." Gabby laughed when I said that. "I mean about the kids. You have anything that we need to talk about?" I sighed and then looked at her. I was about to say something but I didn't. "Nope." Gabby then sat up and looked at me. "You hesitated! We promised each other that we would be honest with each other when it came to the kids. So tell me! And don't use the pregnant card!"