Be happy...

Chapter 73

The drive had been tense, and awkward but above all silent. I feel all sorts of things. Anger, sadness and pain. I know women flock around him and i know that they love to flirt with him and were i can deal with the giggling fans and fan girls... I know it comes with his fame...  What  i can't deal with are gorgeous assistants who touch him and are all over him... Especially when in my eyes he didn't seem to mind... I didn't sign up for that... I stayed on set for him... I stayed because he was struggling and return... I have to watch some bitch, be all over him... I have to watch him enjoy that...

"Elle, can we talk?" Chris asks me as soon as we enter the house... But all of a sudden Faye starts to cry in my arms and i sigh. God i am a terrible mother because for once i am grateful for her crying... "Faye needs to eat..." I mumble and walk to the nursery leaving him standing in the hallway. 

I enter the room and close the door... I sit down in the chair letting out a massive sigh and have Faye latch on to eat... I sigh again as i wish we were back in Boston. If we were home i could go to the girls. I miss the girls so much right now... I could talk to them, and they could tell me if i was overreacting or right to be upset. I could call them... But it is not the same... I groan as i start to get confused. Was i over reacting...? It was not like i found him with her tongue down his throat... Still... I did not like what i saw... 

I did not like that girl... The way she talked to me. The way she dressed. The way she said she takes care of ALL his NEEDS like she was his dick warmer or something... Oh god what is happening to me... Why am i like this... I sigh and watch my little girl stare at me as she is drinking... Is this jealousy? Am i jealous?  I groan as i am driving myself crazy and i feel myself spiral by the second. What if i just interpreted it wrong and i took a precious moment away from Chris... A first... Oh god why am i starting to feel guilty... I saw it with my own eyes and why am i starting to doubt myself...

The door opens and Chris appears and for the first time since having Faye i cover up... He looks at me weird and he sighs... "Sweetheart..." He whispers and crouches down in front of me... I look at him fighting back my tears... "Not now... Not while i am feeding her..." I whisper feeling incredibly vulnerable right now... He looks at me worried and i can see sadness in his eyes, but he nods... 

"Okay..." He whispers but he does not move... "Can you please give me some privacy please..." I whisper and he now looks at me with pain in his eyes. I feel like a bitch, but right now i dont feel like having him around me with my boobs out. "Okay..." He says and gets up... But before he walks out the door, he turns around and i see a tear running down his face... "I... I am sorry... I think i know what you saw and i am sorry but if you hear me out later... If you are willing to give me a chance to explain... You will find out i am just an idiot who did know how to handle a situation and i did not intentionally flirt... That i am an idiot just a fucking idiot..." He whispers and i sigh and look away as a tear runs down my cheek to.  

He walks out and closes the door... I sigh and try to stop my tears that run down my cheek. When she is done eating i hold her for a little while looking in her bright blue eyes... The eyes she got from her father... The eyes i love... I love on her and on her father... I sigh as i smile at her through my tears... 

After a while i get up and make her a bath. I feel myself calm down as i bath her and she is smiling at me... And then it is there again... The giggle... She is splashing in the water and giggling... I can't have him miss it again... Even if i am not his biggest fan right now i can't let him miss this again...

"CHRIS!!!" I yell and Faye starts to squeal thinking it is the funniest thing ever... Not even a second later the nursery door flies open, telling me he was just outside the door... I coo at Faye who is now squealing and giggling... Chris walks up to me smiling and we look at each other for a second... For just a moment everything is forgotten as he stands next to me looking at Faye who is squealing and giggling as i coo at her talking in a high-pitched voice... 

"She is laughing..." He whispers in awe... I smile at Faye... "Yes, she is... Yes, she is giggling..." I coo not looking at Chris but keeping my focus on Faye as i am hyper aware on how close he is... I can feel his warmth radiate over me and his scent surrounding me... God i hated my body right now as it was reacting to him automatically... As hurt and sad as i was it craved him to comfort me... Even if he was the one who made me sad... Even if he was the one to hurt me i needed him to take the pain away... I close my eyes and take a deep breath pulling myself together. 

"Thank you..." He whispers in my ear and i shiver. "You want me to go again..." He whispers as Faye had stopped giggling and i shake my head... I feel his hand slide around me on my hips and i sigh... I get Faye out of the tub and wrap dry her of bundling her up... She looks at me fighting to keep her eyes open and i sigh... 

I put her in pj's and put her down in the crib... For the first time i look at Chris who looks at me as if he is in pain and i sigh and turn on the monitor and walk out... Chris follows me and softly closes the door of the nursery... 

I walk to the kitchen... I hesitate for a second as i pass the bar... The fully stocked bar... I am normally not one to drink my sorrows away, but a drink right now sounds really good... I dont have to feed her for a few hours and we still have pumped breastmilk... So, i change my course and grab a glass and pour myself a whiskey... A double... 

I down my drink and slam the glass on the bar... Chris looks at me with big eyes... "Well... Explain..." I say and he takes a deep breath... "But dont bullshit me Evans... Because i am not in the mood for bullshit... You better not lie to me... I will not be one of those women who stand by as her man fools around with other women... I will not become one of those women who just forgives and stays with someone because of the children... That is not what i signed up for and will not tolerate..." I say trying my best to keep my voice steady as he looks at me a little stunned...

"If i am not enough... If you can't commit to this... Tell me now and we can plan accordingly how we are going to move forward..." I say and i can't help the pain seeping into my voice as those words hurt me to the core... But i meant every word of it... I do not and will not live like that... I will not be the dutiful wife waiting at home for her husband to finally remember he has a wife and child...