Be happy...

Chapter 81

I feel a hand on my shoulder and bolt up in daze looking around me confused as i try to focus my eyes... I had fallen asleep..."Elle it is me... Lisa... I am sorry... I didn't mean to scare you..." I hear as i finally am able to focus and see Lisa standing there... Her face is red and puffy... And i start to tear up again... "Oh sweetheart..." She whispers as we both cry and hug each other... "I am sorry... I am so sorry... This is all my fault... It should be me... She wanted to shoot me... He should not have jumped..." I say sobbing... "No... Dont do that... It is not your fault... It is hers... Chris loves you so much and he just wanted to protect you... He knows a little girl needs her mommy... He didn't want your little girl to grow up without her mother..." She says crying as she cups my face with both hands and looks me in the eyes... "Not your fault... You understand... I dont blame you..." She says and i break as i sort of needed to hear that... She holds me tightly hugging me telling me it is not my fault over and over again... When we pull apart i step aside and she focusses on Chris... 

"Hello my sweet, brave boy... The joke is up... Mom is here you can wake up now... You need to wake up sweetheart..." She whispers with tears in her eyes kissing his cheek and it breaks my heart... She is trying to be strong but i can see her body trembling as she takes his hand in hers... 

I hear shuffling and turn around to see my dad standing in the doorway... "Hello princess..." He says and walks over to me hugging me tightly. I cling onto him for dear live as i start sobbing again... I can feel he is trying to keep it together but has a hard time keeping his emotions in check... "Are you okay princess..." He asks his voice shaky filled with fear and anger... I shake my head... "No... I need him to wake up, dad... I can't lose him to... I thought i new what pain was... But i didn't because this hurts so much more..." I whisper crying into my dad's chest... "I know princess... But he will wake up... He is not going to leave you and Faye... Because he knows he is going to be in so much trouble if he does..." He says trying to make a joke to make light of the situation a bit, but his voice trembles... When we pull apart, he looks me over to see if i am physically fine... "I am okay dad... I am not hurt..." I say and he lets out a sigh of relief pulling me into a hug again. "That is good but when we come back i am bringing you a clean set of clothes..." He murmurs and i look down... "Oh yeah... I uhm didn't really pay attention to that..." I whisper blushing looking at my blood-stained clothes...

After sitting with me for a while and a talk with Chris's doctors and a detective about what happened, they try to convince me to go with them to get some rest. The doctors telling me that he probably won't wake up for a while. But i am not going to leave his side... I will not let him be alone... And after i snapped at them to let it go, the doctor left, and my dad and Lisa decide to leave... They are both tired... To my surprise they can stay at the house, they had been picked up by police and brought here a car service would bring them to the house... The scene apparently had been cleared... I had been longer in the hospital than i thought... Time was just a blur... I walked with them to Dwayne who was still waiting with Faye... The gentle giant with my little girl... 

I thanked him profusely and he went to see Chris for a second before leaving as i was saying goodbye to Faye crying my eyes out... I felt like such a bad mother. Leaving her with Dwayne all this time only popping in to feed her... But above all guilt was setting in about being ready to die and leaving my little girl behind without parents... I had not told anyone that i had done that... I was too ashamed... I was too ashamed to admit that if Chris did not make it i didn't know if i could go on... Without him i would be lost...

After cuddling her for a little while saying goodbye i handed her to Lisa. I promised to keep her updated. She in turn will keep the rest updated and will stay in contact with Megan who is handling the media frenzy... I did not have the energy for that... I had not noticed in the bubble that i was in here at the hospital but apparently it was all over the news and it was crazy... Dad promised me he would take good care of Faye and Lisa... That was his way of showing love... Actions... And that they would be back... I had no clue what time it was... My watch and phone both had run out of battery... Dad gave me his charger but i was scared to see all the calls and messages... Still i knew i had to face it as i needed my phone to keep them updated. 

After saying goodbye i walk back to Chris and plug my phone in silencing it and ignoring all the calls and messages... I took his hand in mine and just sat there... Waiting for him to wake up... Waiting for him to open his gorgeous eyes... 

"Please baby... Please you need to wake up..." I whisper kissing his hand... I can't stand the silence... I miss his laugh, i miss his smile and his voice... I miss our little random conversations... A nurse comes in and smiles... "Your father asked me to give you this until they could bring you something clean to wear..." She says and hands me some scrubs... I blush and thank her changing out of my dirty clothes... I throw them away... I will never wear them again... I sit back down and take his hand in mine again...  I talk about random things... I dont want to talk about negative things so i talk about our wedding. I talk about our future, about Faye and about how much i love him... I talk until i fall asleep again...