Be happy...

Chapter 85

Lisa is pacing up and down in front of Chris his room when i walk out... She looks at me and i brace myself for impact. "You had no right kicking me out..." She hisses me and i sigh... "Yes, i did... Chris was panicking..." I say and if looks could kill i would be dead right now. I had been keeping the peace up till now. I had ignored her going against me every step of the way when Chris had been unconscious... She had been frustrated when she found out that i was in charge of his medical decisions... And even though i talked everything through with her, when i needed to make decisions, she seemed not happy about it... I had ignored it chalking it up to stress and fear... 

"You have no right because you two are not married yet..." She hisses and it feels like a slap in the face...I have to take a few deep breaths not to cry and let it get to me... We are all stretched to the limit and tired... We are all stressed, and it probably is not bringing out the best in us... But i have to admit it takes every last ounce of energy to stay calm right now... I know that yelling back at her won't solve anything and only will make it worse...

"Lisa, can we have a normal conversation please... A civil conversation..." I say looking around me to find a place where we can have some privacy... I see an empty room and nod with my head for her to follow me... But before i walk in i see my dad who looks confused... "Everything okay?" He asks and i sigh... "Yeah... Lisa and i need to have a little conversation... Can you stay with Chris." I say and he looks worried... He looks annoyed at Lisa who blushes... I know she respects my father...  "You got a problem with my daughter?" He asks really harsh, and Lisa goes white as a sheet... 

"Dad! Dont... I can handle it myself... Can you please go sit with Chris?" I say and he sighs and nods... "Yeah..." He says giving Lisa a death stare and i have a feeling that he knows more than he has led on... He leaves and i turn to Lisa who seems to have calmed down a bit...

"Lisa, do you hate me?" I ask bluntly and she looks at me shocked... "What no!" She says turning bright red and i sigh... "Well right now you could have fooled me... What is it then? Dont you trust me?" I say and she shakes her head... I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose as i feel a headache coming up... 

"I almost lost him..." She whispers and i sigh... It is fear. It is fear and to deal with her fear she wanted control to make sure that her worst nightmare would not come true... Part of me understood it but part of me was tired of it... I was tired of having to fight her every step of the way and i had to put my foot down..."WE almost lost him..." I say and she looks up at me with tears in her eyes... I sigh again and walk over to her and pull her into a hug. 

"Look i get it... I really do... He is your baby even though he is in his forties... I get that no matter how old he gets your kid is still your kid and it is scary to think you will lose him... Especially in the way it all happened. And i am sorry... I am sorry that that this happened you have no idea how guilty i feel..." I say letting out a sigh and pulling back... 

"But it has to stop... I dont care what you think of me... Hate me all you want... Think i am not good enough... Think i am weak or weird... Hell, i even agree on a few of those points... Sometimes i dont even get why he loves me... But for some reason he does... And i love him... For God sakes i was ready to die... I was ready to die with him because the thought of living without him is so fucking frightening..." I say and Lisa looks at me with big eyes...  She seems stunned so i keep talking as i am in my full-on rant.

"But respectfully, the hovering and treating him like a little kid has to stop... I can take it... I can handle it all, but Chris is freaking out and you are putting more stress on him than he can handle right now. I get that you want to help... But you are not. All he wants to do is go home and have some privacy and not be poked and prodded... And i am not saying you can't help out and that you are not welcome... But you are not staying at our place... We need some alone time to deal with all that has happened... He needs some time to heal..." I say and start pacing up and down nervous how she is going to react as she is not saying a word... She doesn't interrupt me. She just doesn't react at all while staring at me in disbelief... 

I dont know if she is staring at me because i am putting my foot down or because i said i was ready to die... Maybe it is both... I take a deep breath and stop pacing... "Can you please say something..." I plead with her as her silence is driving me crazy... She walks over to me and i am a little weary... But she pulls me into a hug and holds me tight...

"I am sorry... I am so sorry... I dont hate you... I dont think you are not good enough and you are not weird at all... I love you... I love how happy you make Chris..." She murmurs and i let out a sigh of relief... "It is just when i see him sitting in that bed... He looks like a little boy again... I think the mother in me took over... I am so sorry..." She whispers and i sigh... "It is okay..." I mumble hugging her back. 

"Now let's get back to Chris before he thinks we have killed each other..." I mumble and she sighs letting me go... "It is hard you know..." She mumbles and i look at her... "What is hard?" I ask needing a little more clarification. "Letting him go... He has been such a momma's boy for so long..." She says and i chuckle... "Trust me he still is... Why do you think i am talking to you... He would never tell you himself that you are driving him crazy..." I say and we both chuckle... 

Before we walk back into Chris his room Lisa stops me... "Can you promise me one thing..." She asks and i look at her and nod... "Promise me to always be honest with me and put me in my place when needed... Even if we bud heads i feel like we can talk things through in a civil matter... I mean you could have screamed back at me... But instead, you asked for a calm conversation... I think i need that... Need someone who tells me the harsh truth every now and then... I can be quite stubborn..." She says and i chuckle... "Nooo... You dont say..." I say grinning and she gives me a playful nudge... "Now i know were Chris got it from..."  I say winking... "But i promise..." I say and we walk into the room... I feel relieved the air is cleared and the tension is gone... At least between me and Lisa...