Lisa sought out Chaeyoung's advice the following evening, a sure sign that breakfast with her favorite sex therapist had disrupted not only her emotional state but also her usual distaste for admitting that she didn't know what to do. As her and Jennie's relationship was so tied up in paid sex, she'd been hesitant to keep raising the subject with her cousin. It wasn't that she didn't value Chaeyoung's opinions, because ninety percent of the time, they were gold.
Yet for as compassionate and well-intentioned as she usually tried to be, especially lately, Chaeyoung did harbor an occasionally judgmental nature. That shadow self most often came out during discussions of Lisa's sex life or early work history, and always made her feel lower than low. It was always possible she might not like whatever Chaeyoung had to say, and any conversation they had could leave her even more twisted up inside.
But this thing with Jennie, whatever it was, went so much deeper than sex. Their connection, however tenuous, already felt far richer than any Lisa had forged with past lovers — including the two she'd dated at length. She'd never fallen this hard before, and never for someone so utterly determined not to return her feelings. The sensation exhilarated and terrified her in equal measure, and all Lisa knew for sure was that she'd never untangle the mess she'd made of her love life without seeking an outsider's take.
Praying for Chaeyoung to understand that this wasn't another of her sex-crazed escapades, Lisa served her cousin a slice of pizza from the box she'd dropped onto the coffee table in front of them, then launched straight into the reason for her impromptu visit. "I'm in big trouble, Chaeng. I don't know what to do."
"What kind of trouble?" Chaeyoung took a hearty bite of her veggie pizza, folding her legs beneath her. "Girl or money?"
Lisa scowled as she nibbled on her own slice. Tempted as she was to object to Chaeyoung's assumptions, they both knew damn well the question was rooted in reality. "Woman."
"Ah." Chaeyoung gave her a knowing grin. "You mean Jennie." Unimpressed by the deduction, Lisa rolled her eyes. "Of course Jennie." "Still crazy about her?"
"You have no idea." Lisa expelled a sigh, then tossed her pizza slice into the open box and sagged against the couch. "She brought me breakfast on Sunday. At my apartment."
Chaeyoung arched an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"
"To apologize, again, that I had to use my safe word with her on Saturday night. She'd been feeling super guilty about the whole thing, even though it totally wasn't her fault. Like...guilty enough that she had me spank her right then and there. On my couch."
Chaeyoung's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. "She...what?"
1
Aware of how that bombshell had landed without any context, Lisa said, "Next weekend's workshop is about spanking, discipline, and power dynamics. She was worried I might have a problem with the subject matter, even though I'd told her from the beginning that while I'm not comfortable being spanked myself, I'd be fine in the role of disciplinarian. Anyway, she suggested we practice ahead of time. It was the most sexual contact we've had outside the classroom. She'd forbidden it before, emphatically."
1
"What did she do, exactly?"
Lisa's face heated at the memory. "Well, first she lay facedown across my lap, and then—"
"To have you use your safe word." Chaeyoung halted Lisa's retelling with a raised hand. "That's what I meant."
