Confetti it's a Parade Book 2

When I Close My Eyes

Dean Winchester

Synopsis: Yes, another song challenge on Tumblr. Trying to get them all finished before I go on vacation next week. This is for When I Close My Eyes by Kenny Chesney. 

Two weeks. The longest two weeks of my life, and I'm not sure how I even survived them. Maybe it was the empty bottles of whiskey laying around my room. Or maybe it was the pictures of you on my phone that I couldn't help but stare at, wishing I could see your face at least one more time. To tell you all the things I had been too stubborn to say. Or it could have been because of my brother, who refused to let me drown in my sorrow. Even though I would have gladly, if it meant I could have been with you again.

There's so many things
I didn't say
And even though
It may be too late
I want you to know
I still love you so
Every car I meet
Looks like your car
Every movie I see
You play the leading part
You're on my mind
Can't leave you behind

I still dreamed of that haunting night, where the werewolf was too fast, and I could do nothing but watched as it's large, grotesque claws flashed your way, shredding through your gray t-shirt and skin, creating large rips in your skin. Fighting against my own werewolf, I had quickly killed it, before shooting the one crouching down over you. Rushing over, I had pulled you into into my arms, holding your limp body close to mine as sobs racked me.

It had taken both Sam and Cas to pull me away from your body, your blood covering me. "Save her!" I had pleaded over and over to Cas, who looked at me in dismay. 

"It's too late. She's gone." He had told me, and I felt myself collapsing in my brother's arms, unable to hold myself up any longer. Y/N was gone, and I never had the chance to tell her how I felt. 

Days  passed, as I kept myself away in my room, only moving about the bunker when liquor, or my bladder forced me too. Like a zombie, I moved from my room to the kitchen and back again, never talking to Sam who I saw sitting at the libraries table. Taking a sip of whiskey, I would glance at the pictures of her on my phone, only a few, normally taken when she wasn't looking. She never knew that I was always waiting for one of those moments, ready to capture her beauty in a picture. Wearing her favorite ring on a chain, keeping a part of her by my heart always. 

  When I close my eyes
You're all I see
In the dark of night
You're in my dreams
Throughout the day
You're easy to find
You're always there
When I close my eyes  

Sleep was hard to come by, and for that I was actually thankful. After enough whiskey to drop a sailor, I would finally be able to close my eyes, only to be woken back up again. Y/N haunted me, day and night. But it was the night that I feared. It was during the darkened hours, when the bunker was completely still, and I felt as alone as could be, the memories of that night would play over and over in my mind, reminding me how I couldn't be there for her when she needed it most. Watching as her face showed her fear, then pain before she fell to the ground, never to move again. 

It was in the second week that Sam came bursting through my room, a plate holding a sandwich in one hand, a bottle of water in his other. "Dean, you can't go on like this." He told me, handing me the plate as I stared down at it. "Eat, then for god sake, take a shower. You stink like an old bar." 

"Why? She's not here, I couldn't save her. Why should I be able to live a life when she can't. Sam, out of all of us, she was the one who saw a way out. Was looking forward to living an apple pie life. Now she can't have that!" I yelled out, and Sam took it. Knowing I needed to get it off my chest.

"Dean, we both know that. But she knew, like we did, that there is always the chance of something going wrong. She wouldn't want you sitting here, slowly killing yourself with whiskey and no food." He insisted, and I knew he was right.