Confetti it's a Parade Book 2

Scared to Be Lonely

Dean Winchester x Reader

Synopsis: The Reader is starting to realize her relationship with Dean might be coming to an end. Based off the song Scared to be Lonely. Lyrics are bolded.

In the darkened room, you pulled your knees to your chest, your movements slow and careful as not to wake the sleeping man beside you. With your chest heavy, you laid your head on your knees, your tears silently traveling down your cheeks, you wondered where you had gone wrong.

Your relationship with Dean had been a slow burn. Heated glances, and stolen touches had turned into deep kisses, and nights spent wrapped in each other's embraces. Dean had been everything you had ever wanted in a man, even if he didn't believe it himself. He was sweet, and funny, and the greatest lover you had ever had. The things he could do with his mouth, it still made you blush even thinking about it.

It was great at the very start. Hands on each other, couldn't stand to be far apart. Closer the better, life had been good, great actually. You had never been happier, and you knew you were in love. But that's when things started to change. What had once been loving glances, sweet nothings whispered in each other's ears had turned to distance and hurt. Now we're picking fights and slamming doors. Magnifying all our flaws. And I wonder why, wonder what for. Why we keep coming back for more?

You weren't blaming it all on Dean, you were half of the relationship after all. Maybe it was the stress from hunting, or maybe it was time for you to move on. Just that evening you had fought once again. The three of you had been at the bar, each drowning different sorrows away. Sitting there, you watched as Dean eyed the waitress, giving her the smile he used to reserve just for you. Pretending you didn't see it, you had turned to Sam, pasting a smile on your face. But that night, when you had come back to the Bunker, you had confronted him about it, only for him to storm away, slamming the door behind him. Hours later, you made your way into your shared room, wondering what you would get. Would Dean be angry with you still, yelling or drowning you out once again? Or would he pull you into his arms, make love to you like nothing bad had happened?

"I'm so sorry Y/N." He had whispered, pulling you tight to him, his lips fervently meeting yours. In a haste, he had pulled your clothes off your body, both of you urgent in your search for relief. For a chance to feel something, anything again. When it was all over, when you were laying there sweaty, your chest heaving, he pulled you tight to him, not speaking a word, not saying what you needed to hear the most. That you still held a part of his heart.

Glancing over at him, you made sure he was still sleep. All the while your mind whirling. Is it just our bodies? You thought to yourself. Are we both losing our minds? Is the only reason you're holding me tonight 'Cause we're scared to be lonely?

The thought had a sob escaping, and you clasped a hand over your mouth as Dean shuffled in his sleep. Do we need somebody just to feel like we're alright? Is the only reason you're holding me tonight 'Cause we're scared to lonely? You whispered silently to yourself as you made your way out of the bed, heading down to the bathroom.

With the door shut, you stared at yourself in the mirror, seeing the red rimmed eyes, scared at the numbness you saw in them. Too much time had passed, and you were losing track of us, of the reason the two of you had gotten together in the first place. Maybe you had stopped loving Dean, because you knew he had stopped loving you. Somewhere along the line, between the frenzied kisses and heated arguments, the two of you had lost that spark that had been so strong at the beginning. Undefined, spiraling out of touch, you forgot how it feels, forgot how it felt to be loved by Dean.

You knew it was wrong. That you should have left Dean a long time ago. Stepped away when it was still good and whole. When you had felt the thread start to unravel. Before you knew nothing but all the messed-up fights, and slamming doors. When Dean started magnifying all our flaws, belittling every little move I made. Putting me down, and probably not even realize he was doing it. Hell, I probably did the same thing, and I wonder why, wonder what for. Why we had to be mean to each other, pushing each other away, when all we keep coming back for is more

Shutting the light off in the bathroom, you made your way back into the bedroom, surprised to see Dean sitting up, the beside lamp on as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "Y/N, why are you up?" He asked, not even noticing the redness of your eyes, or the defeated slump of your shoulders.

"Is it just our bodies? Are we both losing our minds?" You blurted out, watching as he squinted his eyes in confusion. "Is the only reason you're holding me tonight 'Cause we're scared to be lonely?"

"Y/N what are you talking about? Come back to bed, we can talk about this in the morning." He insisted, but the dam had broken and you couldn't stop. All your hurt and sadness had the words pouring from your mouth, a welcome relief after months of silence.

"Dean, you have to be feeling this too, don't lie to me. I know you've been pulling away from me." You mumbled, the pain making the words harder and harder to say. "Do we need somebody just to feel like we're alright? Is the only reason you're holding me tonight 'cause we're scared to be lonely?"

Dean stood up, reaching for you as if to pull you into his arms. But you could see it in his eyes. How he was just going through the motions, doing what he thought to be right. But the love was gone, and had been for a long time. With a cry, you pulled away from him, even though a part of you wanted to let him comfort you the only way the two of you knew how. Even when we know it's wrong, that there's been somebody better for us all along.

"Y/N, please don't do this." He pleaded with you, his words cracking at the end.

"Dean, tell me, and don't lie. Do you still love me?" You asked him bluntly, watching as he swallowed hard. And that was the answer you needed.

"Tell me, how can we keep holding on? Holding on tonight 'cause we're scared to be lonely is what we do best Dean. But we know it's wrong, that there's been somebody better for us all along. Tell me, how can we keep holding on?"

"We can't." He agreed, and you felt your knees wobble before you lost the will to hold yourself up. As you watched the ground come up to meet you, Dean reached out, once again there when you needed him. But not how you needed him the most. Settling you down on the bed, he sat down next to you. "Where did we go wrong Y/N?" He asked quietly.

"We didn't. I think it's this life." You answered him, as tears poured down your cheeks. You knew this was goodbye, no matter how much you wished it wasn't. "Dean, I loved you, and I know some part of me still does. I wish you the best, and maybe we can meet up later as friends."

"Y/N you don't have to leave." He said. "You can have your own room back, and we can go back to being hunting partners. Friendship will come back, I know it will. But I don't know what Sammy and I will do without you."

For a moment, you considered it. It was going to break your heart to leave Sam and Dean, and the bunker behind. But you needed to. You needed a fresh start, or you and Dean would fall back into your old routine, and that wasn't' good for anyone. "Dean, I can't." You whispered, standing up and grabbing your pack. Hastily grabbing as many items as you could, you stuffed them inside, Dean watching you the entire time, his eyes filled with tears.

Once it was full, you turned to face him once more. "Dean, please tell Sam bye for me."

He nodded, making no move to stand up and stop you, and you knew this was the right move. It would hurt, and it would take time to move on. But it was better than being with someone for all the wrong reasons.

"But I'm scared to be lonely." Dean whispered as you left the room, shattering what was left of your heart.