Confetti it's a Parade Book 2

There For You

Sam Winchester x Reader

Synopsis: Sam's there for you when you're feeling down and out of sorts.

There were certain hunts, days that you could feel it sinking in. The despair, the darkness that made you want to curl up in your darkened room, pretending the outside world didn't exist. Days that you could hardly force yourself to get up to take a shower, to get something to eat, to even have a conversation with Sam or Dean.

Usually you could feel them coming on, feel the hopelessness slowly filling you and pulling you down with it. No matter how hard you tried, all it took was a second for it to completely consume you, and when it did there was no guess as to how long it would consume you.

It had been a while since your last bought this bad, but you had felt this one coming on for over a week. Feeling down, and out of sorts, you had been sloppy on the hunt, almost getting Sam hurt in the process. With Dean yelling at you, and Sam holding a bloody bandage to his shoulder, you huddled in the backseat, tears threatening to fall at any moment. You didn't need Dean's comments, or his yelling. You were doing a good enough job of it yourself. Telling yourself how pathetic you were, how stupid you were for almost getting Sam killed. Dean's comments didn't even compare to the ones running through your mind at the moment.

As soon as Dean pulled the Impala into the garage, you were out of the car, heading straight for your room. Ignoring the pleading from Sam to wait, you slammed your door shut behind you, clicking the lock in place.

With a choked sob, you landed on your bed, not even caring enough to turn the lights on. The darkness of the room matched your mood. You knew it would be days now before you even started to feel better, back to that smiling, sassy girl that had met Sam and Dean so long ago. Sometimes you wondered if you would ever return to that type of person, or if you would stay this quiet, saddened form of yourself forever. If you would even live long enough to see that.

You didn't want to tell Sam and Dean, but during certain hunts, you had wondered if it would be easier to just give in and let the monster win. If it would be better for everyone involved if you just accidentally stood in front of a werewolves claws, or let the spirit squeeze your heart until it stopped beating. Because then you wouldn't have all these horrible, negative thoughts running through your head, making it hard to sleep. You wouldn't have to worry about Sam getting hurt, who mattered to you so much.

"Y/N, I've got dinner ready." Dean said as he knocked on your door. "Come on out and eat something."

"Maybe later." You muttered, your entire being too tired to even move off of your bed. You were exhausted, physically and emotionally, and it would take an act of God to get you out of bed.

"I'll keep a plate for you in the fridge." He said, walking away, leaving you alone with your dampening thoughts. He probably didn't even realize you were drowning in your silence, that you were about ready to be split apart, and you weren't sure if you would ever get put back together again.

Sleep was hard to come by. With all the thoughts running through your head, it took a while to relax enough for the comforting embrace of sleep. At least with sleep you couldn't feel, couldn't think. During your periods of darkness, you slept as much as possible, a welcome reprieve from the pain.

As the negative thoughts slowly slipped away, the numbing sleep taking over, a gentle knock sounded on your door. "Y/N, can we talk?" Sam asked gently, and you stayed quiet, wanting him to think you were asleep.

Seconds ticked by, and you thought you heard his footsteps leaving. But the thought of him walking away, leaving you with only your thoughts for company had the sobs choking you, and you felt as if you couldn't get any air. Sitting up in bed, you gasped at your neck, trying to take a breath. In and out, you tried, each breath harder and harder to take. So lost in your panic, you didn't hear the door opening, or Sam walking into your room.

"Y/N, what is it?" He asked you, scooping you up and settling down on the bed before placing you in his lap. "Deep breaths, you can do it." With his hand rubbing circles along your back, he mimicked deep breathing, and soon you were following him. Finally able to take a deep enough breath to speak, you glanced up at him, tears dotting your eyelashes.

"Thank you." You told him, as his hand stayed on your back.

"Of course. But Y/N, you know you can talk to me. You don't need to go through things like that on your own." He informed you.

"Sam, it's just...I don't know." You finished lamely, unable to put into words what you felt.

"Y/N, I've noticed you've been having trouble for a while now. You're good at hiding it, but I've seen when you've been down and out of sorts. I don't want you to face it alone. I know what it's like, feeling like you're your own worst enemy. But everything you're thinking isn't true. And I will be here every step of the way to show you that."

Resting your head against his chest, you couldn't believe how much better it made you feel to have someone on your side. To have someone who understood, and wouldn't complain when you weren't yourself. When you wanted to be quiet. "Thank you Sam. It makes it a little better."

"I know it won't fix everything overnight, or at all. But nobody needs to go through stuff like that alone. I'm a good listener. And I care about you, a lot." He said, moving to stand up.

"Can you stay? For tonight?" You asked shyly, and with a smile he nodded. Kicking off his boots, he waited until you were under the covers, before he slipped in beside you. Pulling you tight to his side, he kept his arm wrapped around you.

"This is nice." He whispered. "Being in here, with you."

"It is." You agreed, sleep coming a little easier that night being in his arms.