Ace Attorney x reader One Shots

Love/Hate Song (Klavier x Reader x Ex! Apollo)

Love/Hate Song (Klavier x Reader x Ex! Apollo)

Your Pov:

I sat in Klavier's office. The whole building went under renovations and Klavier decided to move a piano into the extra space. He told me that he wanted to show me a song he had made for me. My ex, Apollo, was also here. He had some papers to drop off and decided to stay and listen as well. Klavier sat at the piano bench.

"This is for you, baby." Apollo groaned from his seat. I laughed as Klavier frowned at him, "Shut up, Herr Forehead!" He smiled at me, "I wrote this for you." Then, Apollo spoke again, "You cheating, skankified b*tch." I bit my lip nervously. Klavier glared at him, "Hey!" He turned back towards me, "Anyways, I- I hope this makes you happy." He started playing the piano, "I love your hair, your smile, your clothes-" He was cut off by Apollo, "I love your fat, abnormally large toes." I felt embarrassed.

Klavier sighed, "Shut up! You are ruining the song!" Apollo made his way to the bench, "Scoot over." Klavier moved over and Apollo sat next to him on the bench. Apollo looked at me, "Hey, yeah, you remember me? Well, you should, because you took my heart out and shoved it down my esophagus. Yeah, you should remember that, okay? You cheated on me with my very own enemy over here, you jerk!"

Klavier nudged his shoulder, "Let it go, dude, okay! That was like, three months ago. I'm trying to sing something." Apollo crossed his arms, "Fine. But I'm not moving." Klavier sighed and continued with the song, "I love your hair, your smile, your clothes." Apollo cut in, "I love your cankles and your elephant nose." I felt my face going red with embarrassment. Klavier just ignored him, "I love your freckles and your eyes." Apollo interrupted again.

"Don’t forget about her thunder thighs!" Klavier kept ignoring him, "Girl, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" Apollo nodded, "It hurt, she landed on her face." Klavier winked at me, "Girl, I need to put you on my to-do list." Apollo interjected, "Or my hit list, whichever really works." I cringed as Klavier sang the next line.

"If you were a booger, I'd pick you first." Apollo continued, "Well, I'd lick you first." Klavier paused and stood up from the bench, looking at Apollo, "What? That's so wrong! That's disgusting!" Apollo shook his head, "I'd lick her, as in I'd punch her in the face!" (I do not condone hitting women!) Apollo looked at me, "Might make you look prettier." Then, they started trying to sing over each other.

"Girl, you're everything I (don't) want! You're everything I (don't) need! Without you, I can barely (finally) breathe!"

Then, Apollo started playing the piano and singing on his own, "You're so fat!You got arrested at the airport for ten pounds of crack! Not even Clinton would sleep with you! When trucks back up, they beep like you!" I felt very, very embarrassed. Yet, for some reason, I found this funny.

Apollo continued, "No one wants to be with you! I never want to see you again! You're like the Elephant Man! It looks like you seriously stopped a van with your face!" Klavier took over again, "Your face is like the sun." Apollo smiled, "Yep, it burns my retinas." Klavier tried to ignore him, "You've got beautiful, puppy-dog eyes." Apollo rolled his eyes.

"Maybe you should go to the vet." Apollo took over the song yet again, "You smell like a pig and you look like a fish! If you were a cow I'd put you right on a dish! You're crazy like a monkey! You belong in a zoo! If you were a horse I'd turn you right into glue!"

Klavier nudged him back, "Your eyes are like a pond in which the fish of beauty swim!" Apollo nudged him back, "You have a mustache like my dad! You really need a trim." I put my hands over my mouth in a mix of embarrassment and laughter. Then, they both finished the song.

"All I really wanted to say is I love (hate) you~"

Apollo spoke, "I hope you die, you stupid b*tch!" He stood up, banging the keys in the process and walked out. About five seconds later, I burst into laughter.