Ace Attorney x reader One Shots

Schoolyard Comedy (Phoenix x Daughter! reader)

Schoolyard Comedy (Phoenix x Daughter! reader)

Your Pov:

I sat on the stage getting ready for my comedy act. My dad sat at his piano. Soon, the crowd came in and I went to the microphone. I did my regular introduction and started, "My dad gave me permission to cuss one time. One time he gave me permission to cuss." The crowd chuckled a bit. Dad laughed too. I smiled, "I’m in school, I’m being bad. My teacher got mad. Said, “(Y/n), come here.” Told me to come to the front of the class."

I sat on my stool and crossed my legs, "Wrote a note, stapled the note to my chest. Said, “make sure your father reads the note.” I get home, my dad reads the note." Everyone was smiling. I chuckled, "The note said, “maybe if you showed your daughter some more attention at home, she wouldn’t act like a fool in school.” My dad read the note." I continued.

"He said, “let me tell you something. You tell her mind her damn business before I come down there and I beat her ass.”" I grinned as I spoke, "I said, “okay. You want me to say it like that? Or do you want me to take some stuff out?”" Dad shook his head. I smiled and laughed with the crowd, "“What I say? Tell her mind her damn business before I come down there and I beat her ass.”" The crowd was brimming with laughter. I spoke.

"I said, “no, I heard what you said. I just want to make sure that you know that you’re telling me to say the same thing.”" I mimicked my dad's voice, "“(Y/n), if I tell you again I’m gonna smack the shit out of you.”" There was more laughter. I started walking around the stage, "“Okay. No, I got it. Okay, I got it. Okay, I got it. No, I got it. All right, okay. Keep in mind it’s a lot of pressure, all right?" Some nodded.

I smiled, "My dad just gave me permission to go to school and cuss my teacher out. I didn’t feel comfortable with the situation. So I wanted to practice. I wanted to go upstairs, I wanted to go over my lines. So I’m in the mirror, I’m going over my lines." I bit my lip, "I’m like, “okay, all right. Okay, all right. Okay. My dad told me to tell you to mind your damn— No, that’s too loud. That’s way too loud. That’s not believable. It’s too loud.” Finally I go over it. I get it down." Dad was laughing.

I stood in front of the microphone stand, "I’m like, you know what? I’m gonna go to bed early, get some rest. ’cause I got a big day ahead of me tomorrow. I don’t want to mess this up. So I go to bed. I wake up, get dressed. Put on my pants and my shirt. I get on the school bus." I sit on the stool, "All my friends see me. They get hyped. “Ooh, (Y/n)’s on the bus. Everybody look. (Y/n)’s on the bus. What up, (Y/n)?” I was like, “yo, not today, y’all. I got a lot of stuff on my mind. I can’t really have y’all throwing me off.”" Everyone giggled.

I took a moment to breath, "My friends was like, “what are you talking about?” “I can’t really get into it. All I can tell y’all is that it’s about to go down.” He was like, “what?” I said, “look, man. He was like, “what?” I said, “look, man. It’s about to go down. Just be behind me when I walk in class.” He said, “all right, cool.”" Dad was bracing himself for the next part.

"I walk in class, Miss Green my teacher, she starts speaking to everybody. “Hello. Good morning. Good morning. Hello. Hello. Good morning.” She sees me, she was like, “(Y/n).” I said, “Miss Green.” She said, “did you let your father read the note?” I said, “yes I did.” She said, “well, what did your mother say?”"

(Foul Language Advisory Ahead!)

Dad looked at me. I smiled, "I took a deep breath. I looked at my friends. I was like, “it’s about to go down.” I said, “well… I said, “well… My dad told me to tell you to mind your damn motherfucking business, bitch. Little stupid bitch. Little dumb teacher bitch. 2+2 not knowing what the fuck it is bitch. Cross-eyed, crying down your back fat foot ass bitch. Long tittied, no nipple having ass bitch.” The shit was crazy." The club was filled with laughter from the patrons.

"My friends was in the back and they was like, “oooh! My friends was in the back and they was like, “oooh! She said she ain’t had no nipples.” I got suspended." I finished off my act, "I got suspended and an ass whipping. My dad beat the shit out of me when I got home. “I told you to say two cuss words. You said 76 of them.”"

Everyone clapped and I headed off stage, not missing the 'You're in trouble' look I got from my dad.