Is this what you want?

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I slam the door and stomp to my car. I drive to the park and sit in my car thinking. Why am I here? What did I just do? Ally is going to hate me. I knew this thing with me and Alex was a long time coming but I know how much Ally appreciates and likes him and I know she is going to hate me. Shit, there is no way to go back from here. What me and Alex said is things that are unforgivable. Ugh, I switch my gear to reverse and back out then slam it into drive and screech my tires pulling onto the road.

I start driving and realize where I am going after a few minutes. I am going to the only place I have ever felt truly happy. I park my car at the beach and get out. I hear some screams and see some little girls run up to me. “AUSTIN!.” I smile and bend down, “Why hello.” They smile, “Can we get a picture?” I smile, “Of course.” A women comes running and stops, “You can’t run away like that.” One of the girls smile at the lady, “Mom, please just take a picture of us with Austin Moon.” She looks at me and I smile. I bend down and wrap my arms around all of them and the mom takes the picture. “Thank you for that sir.” I smile and start heading back to the spot I want to go.

I start walking to the rocks and am almost there when I stop in my tracks. There sitting in the sand with her huge belly is the person I love. The person I would do anything for. I know she is going to yell and scream at me but I hate seeing her sitting in the sand alone and looking helpless. “Ally?” She turns and sees me and I see her look back at the ocean as I start walking her way.

I stand next to her looking down and waiting for something, anything. She just stares at the ocean. I sit next to her and she looks at me then the ocean again. I sigh, “Ally…” she cuts me off with a slap to my cheek. “What the hell Austin? Alex told me some of the conversation.  You started that whole thing.” I look down and she shakes her head, “Austin, you are so fucking stupid. Who did you think was going to help me while you were gone?” I start to talk and she raises her eyebrow and gives me that look, “Don’t you even think about talking right now. You are going to listen… Austin, why now? Why after everything has happened did you start all this? I thought it was behind us?”

I look down and she sighs, “Ally, I am sorry. I know what I said, I shouldn’t have but it was bound to happen. It all just built up and I couldn’t take it anymore.  He wants you, you know it, I know everyone knows it. He thinks he can just sweep in and take you from me and that he knows best and I am tired of it.”

She looks down and shakes her head and I know she is crying, “Ally im sorry but I meant every word of it whether I should have said it or not.  I didn’t like him from the beginning and I admit we became close but no matter how hard I tried, the thought of him touching you and kissing you kept surfacing and him trying to take you was taking over. I know you would never do it and that you choose me and I am the one you want but I couldn’t help it. Everyone fucking knows that you are attracted to him and that he is head over heels in love with you. Hell Ally, everyone fucking knows that he would treat you better and be the perfect guy for you.”

I run my hands through my hair trying to calm down, I hear through sobs, “You really think I would leave you for him. How many fucking times do I have to tell you that I love you and want you. That you are my one.”  I shake my head, “Ally, I love you to death. You are my everything but can you honestly tell me you have no feeling for him.” She uses her hands and stands up, “Austin, I wanted a nice few weeks with you. I wanted to spend time together loving each other not fighting. You are pushing everyone to their breaking point even me…” She stops and turns to look at the water. I see her place her hand on her stomach and rub it. “Ally, I know he told you that you were his one.” She stops and turns to face me. “Why does that matter? What does any of this matter? I choose you. I choose you.” She starts crying again and turns back to the ocean.

I stand up and wrap my arms around her, “Ally, please. I love you. I really do but I cant keep doing this. I am sorry I went off on you last night. I am sorry I didn’t talk to you. I am sorry…” She turns and wipes her tears, “Austin…” I shake my head, “You have to realize right here and right now, that it is not always me. I am not the only one to blame. You can’t be mad at me and then turn around and forgive him. There was two people there.” She looks down and I sigh, “Ally, I can’t always be the one at fault because it is not always me. I have put up with all of your shit and quite frankly I am tired. I am tired of all of this. I dealt with you not telling me about the baby, deciding to date Alex and even sleeping with him. Hell, I even was going to raise this kid as my own even if it wasn’t. Ally, you have dealt with me fucking up but you have to understand I have dealt with just as much if not more shit from you.” She looks up at me with tears in her eyes.

I sigh, “Ally, this relationship is not going to work if we don’t stop this shit.” She looks up at me with those big eyes and I sigh, “Right here right now, I want you to tell me if you want this or not. You cant keep playing with me.  I want the goddamn truth for once. Is this relationship what you want?”

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